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Ahoy #2499032 10/21/14 01:21 PM
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Ahoy,

I'm probably the worst person on these boards to be giving you advice at this exact moment, but I will anyway. I would just consider what's best for you and your daughter and leave STBX out of the equation as much as possible. Unfortunately considering what's best for your daughter will probably involve proximity to your STBX. And of course - uprooting Hisgh Schoolers is supposed to be tough.

That being said- I have to say how grateful I am that if this had to happen, it happened after I had moved back home. Having my parents and my sister's family to lean on has been huge for me and my daughters. I would seriously conisder your home state, but that's me, and I am certainly very biased at the moment.


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 708
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Thanks raliced. I'm really torn. I may have to be in a situation where one of us gets summers and holidays, and I have to recognize that this person could end up being me if I choose to move. It's not what's best for D14, but having an unemployed mother with no support far from home and a head full of brain tumors that need monitoring is not good either. (My boss will be retiring and with her will likely go my contract job.) Like they say on the planes, you have to put the oxygen mask over yourself first. But I hate the idea of not having my daughter in my life in a more constant way. It's bad enough that I get her only every other week.


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Ahoy #2499056 10/21/14 02:13 PM
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Do you live in a state where the child gets some input into the decision?


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
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I'm not sure. I guess this is a question for a lawyer. My D14 begs to go back to my home state (where we moved from 4.5 years ago). I think she would want to go, but it would be hard, and I don't want to take her away from her dad and receive her blame later. It's easy to idealize the missing parent. I want what's best for her, but I do have to take care of myself, and I just don't know what would be best.


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Ahoy #2499062 10/21/14 02:24 PM
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Happily you dont have to make a decision right away. From everything you've said, I have a hard time envisioning your D living primarily with her Dad either.

Its something for both you and D to think long and hard about.


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
Ahoy #2499213 10/21/14 07:33 PM
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Ahoy,
Unfortunately I am too new to this to have any meaningful advice for you. But, the guy with the chocolates sounds like a great friend that could introduce you to a fulfilling new hobby! All the best.

elletee


Me: 27
W: 23
M: Feb 2014
D: Sept 29
Petition Filed: Oct 18
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Hi Ahoy, Does the move have to be forever? The way that you are talking it sounds like once it's done, everything gets negotiated and that's it. I'm wondering if there is a middle ground?

Last edited by ganb8te; 10/22/14 11:07 AM.

H 37 Me 36
Together 15 years
Married 5 years
No kids
BD Apr 2014
H moved out 2 Jun 2014
gan #2499450 10/22/14 11:14 AM
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I don't know, ganb8te. I guess I am thinking in really black-and-white terms. But yes, if I move back to my home state, I would have no reason to move back to be near STBXH. All my work contacts, friends, and family are there. Everyone I love. I don't think I would put myself through the hassle of a short-term move, and there's nowhere else I want or need to be right now.

Of course, we can't predict the future. What if I meet someone new and we have an opportunity to move somewhere amazing? I wouldn't rule it out, but at the same time, I kind of learned my lesson. From now on, I have to put my own needs and my daughter's needs first. But I don't know how to balance the two.

We are looking to dissolve the marriage in January, so things are kind of done in my mind. I know some folks would say otherwise, and some people do have last-minute changes of heart. I don't see it happening in my case because my H is deep in MLC and doesn't want to stay married. And also? I am done with him and actually don't want to be married to him, which makes me a bad DB'er.

I guess the only reason I'm still on this forum is that, unlike H, I'm not willing to throw the M away without at least trying to work together to see what is possible. And if he asks for that, I will certainly try. But in my heart, I have moved on. He is a negative person and a negative force in my life, and life is too short for me to waste much more time on him and his emotional/psychological issues.

I'm feeling free and happy at the moment, in spite of wrestling with what the future might hold.


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Ahoy #2499455 10/22/14 11:32 AM
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Only thing that makes you a bad DBer is if you don't grow and learn through this experience.

Be well, Ahoy. smile

Last edited by Maybell; 10/22/14 11:32 AM.

Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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From where I am sitting, Ahoy, you sound like you've got a pretty clear idea about what you want to do. I suppose I was wondering if you could do it - move - but be open to moving back should you find that it makes more sense that way e.g. if you get summers and holidays with D14 only? I'm not sure how much you can do upfront to determine the likelihood of that happening?


H 37 Me 36
Together 15 years
Married 5 years
No kids
BD Apr 2014
H moved out 2 Jun 2014
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