Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 11 12
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 73
M
mikechc Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 73
Been doing pretty well with detaching. Only some little chit chat about our days and work. Asked her to stay with the boys Sunday afternoon to get some things done. Got through most of DB book and got some errands done. It felt good to get away and do something for me. I didn't talk about what I did and W didn't ask.

Am struggling with lack of connection and affection from a woman. Dreaming about making out and having sex. Some with W and some with other woman. How do you guys get through this without falling into an A like your spouse did? Praying for strength, but it has been tough.


M 51
W 45 (WAW)
S 14
S 11 (Disabled)
M 16
T 18
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
It's tough, Mike -- just prayed for strength, just as you are. DBing is not COMPLICATED, but it DOES require a lot of SELF-DISCIPLINE, and you've hit on one big area that requires it.

I'm afraid I don't have any "magic bullet" for you on this one. I did slip up once and ML to my still-very-wayward wife, but I otherwise was able to "keep it in my pants" LOL both with her and I never strayed with anyone else, either. And it was HARD, because my GAL included all kinds of time at the gym and playing men's softball and stuff and I was getting a TON of attention from other, some-very-attractive, women.

Stay strong, brother.


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 536
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 536
Mike, funny you mention that because last night I had a dream that W and I were ML. The dream felt so real, until I woke up. When I fell back asleep, I had yet another dream that W and I were ML, and was even aware (in my dream) that I had just had this dream so this time it had to be 'real.' Only to wake up and realize that dream was also not real. Talk about a rough night....



Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: mikechc
Am struggling with lack of connection and affection from a woman. Dreaming about making out and having sex. Some with W and some with other woman. How do you guys get through this without falling into an A like your spouse did? Praying for strength, but it has been tough.
Just adding another perspective here. I miss ML with my W a lot, but I don't have much desire for any other woman. In fact, I find no other woman attractive (I was more objective before the separation). The idea of being with another woman feels like a huge betrayal and step back in my DB, like it would doom the reconciliation. What I'm looking for in ML is the connection that I recently lost, not the pleasure. I'm not trying to sound virtuous and in fact I'm kind of surprised by it all.


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
How long ago was your BD?

"Dreaming about making out and having sex. Some with W and some with other woman. How do you guys get through this without falling into an A like your spouse did?"

Think about it this way. You vowed to be with her forever, through better or worse, sickness and in health. If she was incapable of having sex for any reason, would you have an A? This is the same thing.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 73
M
mikechc Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 73
Thank you all for feedback. At least I know I am not crazy and like so many other things with DB, I am not alone with this. Venting and talking it out here in the forum really helps.

W has been talking to our dogs more lately in a cheery voice, like she is trying to cheer herself up or get their unconditional love. It is weird enough I noticed it.

W did cancel racquetball tonight (where she has met OMs), so I could go to a business dinner tonight, which was last minute plans for me. Trying not to read too much into it, but always hopeful what I'm doing with DB might be helping.


M 51
W 45 (WAW)
S 14
S 11 (Disabled)
M 16
T 18
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
Did you get a chance to finish reading the book?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 73
M
mikechc Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 73
Almost finished with the book. Too many business lunches this week, cut into my reading time. Thanks for keeping me on task.


M 51
W 45 (WAW)
S 14
S 11 (Disabled)
M 16
T 18
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 73
M
mikechc Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 73
I don't know if you can see my reply to all the responses I got. Thank you for your insight.


M 51
W 45 (WAW)
S 14
S 11 (Disabled)
M 16
T 18
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 73
M
mikechc Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 73
Thanks for the feedback. I don't know if you can see my reply to everyone.


M 51
W 45 (WAW)
S 14
S 11 (Disabled)
M 16
T 18
Page 4 of 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 11 12

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard