It is because I know there are OM, I confronted with proof and she still denies it. It is hard for me to get past this. I am sure it is my pride. The other thing is that she knows I know, so I wonder how she would perceive me being caring in this such.
You know she's having and affair. She knows she's having an affair. She knows you know she's having an affair.
What's the purpose of her admitting it? You described her very much as someone who is not living in reality, yet you seem to be expecting her to acknowledge reality.
I haven't read everything on your sitch, but do you have a plan in place? Put it into action and do the work. Eventually she'll fly too close to the sun on wings of pastrami and her fantasy world will crash. How much damage she does until that happens can't be controlled by you, so just do what you need (and ought) to do and detach from the rest.
Just my humble, late to your party, advice.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
If she got in your face and screamed, "YES, I AM HAVING AN AFFAIR!" Then what? She admits it, then what are you going to do? Admission doesn't solve the problem, and it doesn't cause remorse. What is your goal here? Get off this soap box. You messed up by presenting her with your proof, and now you have more problems than you had before she knew you knew.
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Going on a cruise as a family over thanksgiving with both of our parents and wondering how I am going to deal with W. Also still struggling with not having an affair myself. I have needs too. Know it is not right, but think it might build my confidence that I am loveable. At least that is my justification .
Okay, you said you were a Christian, so brother....I'm going to talk to you as such. No where in the Bible will you find where man is justified to sin. No where will you find that someone else's sin gives you permission to do likewise. No where will you see where it is okay to commit adultery, under any circumstances. God put the man as head of the home, and it is the man who will be held accountable for how he leads his family. That is a serious responsibility! So, you better rethink your position, and your needs, before going out and having an affair.
Are you nuts? Are you trying to pour gasoline on the fire? You point your finger at her and then say you are struggling with not doing the same? You have needs? What makes that any different from her and what she's doing?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You are absolutely right! My only hope in saving my marriage is to do the right thing and trust God. It has just been an emotional roller coaster and I am trying to keep my emotions in check. Thank you for it auger coating your message. I need a kick in the A.. now and then. Focus!!!!
W asked me to take a walk with her and the dogs last night. I did a lot of listening, stayed strong and confident and did not talk about the relationship. It went fine, nothing earth shattering.
This am she asked me to do some minor things that she usually does in the am. I did them, but I feel like there was no reason she would ask me but to emasculate me. Testing me. I did not know how to say no without coming across as a jerk, since they were so minor. It just seems like she always gets what she wants. Am I too nice of a guy?
This am she asked me to do some minor things that she usually does in the am. I did them, but I feel like there was no reason she would ask me but to emasculate me.
OMG, what did she ask you to do? Minor things....like she had you waiting on hand & foot? Like she was a princess?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Opening the blinds. Doing some things for my disabled son she usually does. Should I call her on it now, after the fact? Saying I was thinking about this morning and wondering why you could not do those things... She had the day off too, so it was not like she was running late for work. I have to stop being a wuss!!!
Opening the blinds. Doing some things for my disabled son she usually does. Should I call her on it now, after the fact? Saying I was thinking about this morning and wondering why you could not do those things... She had the day off too, so it was not like she was running late for work.
No, don't call her on it now, but be prepared with what you will say the next times she pulls it (and she will). It needs to be something short and powerful...not a speech. (Starsky is good at finding the right words.)
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
