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Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc


Seems to me she's GAL and involving you. In my book, those are positives.

Of course it's also a great example of Gal that you might follow...b/c you need to GAL more than I can say.

Come to think of it, Can you name 3 GAL things YOU are doing, as of now?

What NEW Behaviors can she see that would make her believe you are a different man than you were before? Can you name 2 or 3 specifics? It helps to see them in writing, so you know how to measure your progress or if you are staying on your chosen path.

And Keep up the good work!


Aside from my new job (and the several after-hours social gatherings as a result, I've engaged in no new GAL activities, unfortunately. frown

It's just really tough, because my new job requires me to pass several industry certifications within the 1st 12 months of employment, and I've been spending a lot of time studying and prepping for exams. This is just the beginning.

However, I am actively looking to join a local racquet club. I'm on their waiting list.


M: 15 years
BD: 6/25/14
EA/PA: starts 5/14/14
11/30/14 - A ends
5/15/15 - D is finalized.
11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
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And have you thought of doing something new with the kids as part as your GAL? Take them out someplace new. Take a new class with them. You really don't consider them much it seems.


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I'm so curious about the kids too. Are they both in school full time? Does your wife work outside the home? Are there nannies/babysitters? Who takes the kids to/from school? What is their routine?

For example... last weekend when you were at soccer with the 6 yo, you said your W spent the day cleaning and napping... where was your 3 yo?? What did she do all day while your W was cleaning and napping?

I'm not judging but would love a clearer picture. You do seem reluctant to talk about how the kids fit into your lives. I don't know many parents with two young kids who seem to have so much time to work out, for example. Do you have live-in help?


Me 38 H 40
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Both my children are in school. One is in 2nd grade, and the other one is in pre-K, five days/week. My W's parents live close by and they help out in the mornings and afternoons as needed (drop off, pick-up, making meals, etc).

MrBond - As far as doing activities with them as part of GAL, I never really thought of it that way. Monday through Thursday, it's generally a strict routine of homework, bath time, reading, then bed. On non-school days/nights we incorporate them into day-to-day routines (like going grocery shopping, etc). Typical suburban family stuff.

Claire7 - My 3yo daughter was in the house while my W was cleaning/napping. She napped after she got our daughter down for a nap herself.


M: 15 years
BD: 6/25/14
EA/PA: starts 5/14/14
11/30/14 - A ends
5/15/15 - D is finalized.
11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
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Not much excitement in the kids lives then. What about soccer games or taking them out to a ball game or an amusement park? How about the zoo or boating, fishing, etc. Do you go out and play ball with your son or tea parties with your D?

For example, before their bedtime I would always make it a point to play with them before bed. Whether it's a board game, video game or just being silly. That enriches the kids' lives more than school and adds to GAL.

One of the things I did when I was S was to take the kids to a new hiking trail every week so they had a new adventure to go through.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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Originally Posted By: mindsin
I'm just winding down towards the end of another "family day". My W has been spending A LOT of time exercising/working out. Yoga class, Barre class, swimming at the gym, a DVD-based workout program. Yesterday morning, she spent 2 hours for her barre class (including travel time) and 1 hour for her DVD program @ home. Today, same thing.

why are you still monitoring HER activities? Wh
y is this YOUR responsibility? (Oh wait, it's not...)

So in a span of two days, she spent 6 hours of "alone time" doing her workouts. I don't know if she even realizes (or cares) about the time she's spending away from her kids.

Dear Judge Mindsink, can you please stay in your own sandbox instead of judging and criticizing your wife, again...??


Today, we went to Chinatown. She went to a tea shop to get some good green tea. This was sort of unusual as I rarely if ever see her buy green tea. Instantly, my thoughts turned to the OM and I wondered if she bought the tea for him.


Can you NOT obsess or focus on HER (For 2 days? One?) and ONLY worry about your own problems and issues? Can you tell us how YOU are improving as a h or father, and or what YOU are doing to become the man you always wanted to become?"

She used to do thoughtful things like this for me, but obviously her mind and heart are elsewhere. It's kind of sad. The

MORE mind reading, ^^^and always negatively when it comes to her. Where are the changes you are making? This is STILL all about Her and OM--even when he's not in the picture, you re-insert him, ruining family time with your wandering mind but still blaming it all on her.

So, how is YOUR personal work going? Can we hear about that now?


last thoughtful thing I recall her doing for me was buying those dress shirts for me before I started my new job.

That was about a month ago!

Or, I could just be over-thinking it and the tea is either for herself or her father (this is very possible).

You engage in so much negative "stinking thinking" it's hard to keep track and it benefits NO ONE.

Did you ever watch those TED Talk videos I suggested? You need to b/c you are negatively programmed and it's a shame really.


I've suspected that receiving gifts was perhaps a secondary love language for her. Over the years, her gifts to me were always very thoughtful. I know that I'm not supposed to buying gifts for her, but maybe I'll try a little something, just to see what her reaction will be.


^^^ This is the opposite of a 180 OR a kind, loving gesture. IT's only done with an expectation (which she could FAIL b/c even if she is thrilled and grateful, you will find a way to spin it around and view it negatively) AND it's a "testing" mentality, but it's very indicative of where you were before AND still are.

Sadly, Not a great sign.




I plan on doing something very simple. I will print out a photo of the two kids and put it into a nice frame, so she can bring it to her work. If she won't display a photo of me at work (She didn't at her previous job -- the one she just resigned from last month), then maybe she'll display a photo of her kids, photographed, processed, printed, and framed by her husband.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
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H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
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X marries OW 5/2016

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mindsin Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: MrBond
Not much excitement in the kids lives then. What about soccer games or taking them out to a ball game or an amusement park? How about the zoo or boating, fishing, etc. Do you go out and play ball with your son or tea parties with your D?

For example, before their bedtime I would always make it a point to play with them before bed. Whether it's a board game, video game or just being silly. That enriches the kids' lives more than school and adds to GAL.


I don't blame you for getting the impression that there's nothing going on in our kid's lives. Let me detail it further.

My son has soccer every Saturday. He has after-school programs/work-shops on Tuesdays and Fridays. During the summer, we took them frequently to amusement parks (we had season tickets), and went on a couple trips (including Myrtle Beach and Hershey Park). You may recall some of these in my previous posts/threads. Sailboat rides, zoo, aquarium, laser tag, just to name several.

I bought him a bike recently and we go out and I've been teaching him. We regularly play outside. We have a basketball hoop, we play catch, we have soccer nets. My kids get a lot of outdoor time.


M: 15 years
BD: 6/25/14
EA/PA: starts 5/14/14
11/30/14 - A ends
5/15/15 - D is finalized.
11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
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Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
...[Everything that was said]...


You're right. I'm shaking my head at myself right now.

Yes, I watched the TED Talk videos you've suggested. Here's an interesting side note -- the other night, my W asked me if I ever heard of TED Talk, and said she subscribes to their e-mail newsletter and suggested that I check them out. Wow. shocked


M: 15 years
BD: 6/25/14
EA/PA: starts 5/14/14
11/30/14 - A ends
5/15/15 - D is finalized.
11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
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Mindsin,

Just a word about routines:
My D is 3.5.
I get home at 5. On days she doesn't nap she goes to bed around 7:15. In those 2-ish hours, she "helps" me make dinner, we eat together and talk about our "highs and lows" of the day, we clear the table and play for a bit-- sometimes we color, or have a dance party, or run up and down the hallway, or play Candyland, or one of a million other things.

We start her bedtime routine around 6:30--

I cherish those two hours since I only see her for a short while in the mornings, too.

That is why I'm so curious what your children do, and it is notable to me that you detailed some things your son does (after school, soccer, bike), but I hear very little about your daughter. I'm not judging but I am just noticing it and curious about it. I only have one child so I don't fully understand the dynamics of a house with more kids.... but I wonder if it would help you focus less on your W if you focused more on your kids? Maybe that could be something to think about. ..


Me 38 H 40
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T 8 M 6
BD 10/2013

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The whole point is that your kids are part of your GAL. Look at how much you talked about your W's actions and not a single one of your own and your children's.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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