Ahoy I think I'm getting to the liberating point .
I keep thinking how could I possibly even consider having her back in the house after what she has done and also how my kids would be very hostile towards her .
My problem is how do I let W know that I'm done when I am . Do I just text her or arrange to meet her to have a face to face chat . Or do I just keep being patient and hope that this feeling changes and she stops being so distant with the kids .
Am I wrong to allow my feelings emotions to be influenced by the kids
Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
South, it doesn't sound like you're 100% ready, so there's no harm in waiting. You can wait to see if your emotions stay the same. You will know when you are really done. I think it's hard for us to separate our emotions when it comes to our kids. It's not wrong to be influenced by those emotions -- it's natural. You don't always have to act on them right away. Better to rely on your rational mind.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
South. Hi mate. I completely agree with Ahoy Time give it time make no decision until your are 100% certain I am feeling the same but my W if know.by my actions and not words If your W is having a MLC then wait till your sure you don't want the R Your still raw from how you post so detach detach and then see how you feel. Keep strong for you and your kids As a wise man once said this to will
with all the support you've been giving me on my thread just thought I'd pop in. Sorry to hear how difficult things are at the moment. As you know I didnt have the issue of anyone else "pulling" W away (unless you count MIL!) and S is with W so I wouldnt dream of giving an opinion on those aspects. Understand the sleep problems though, W used to comment on my being able to sleep anywhere, if tired I'd just drop off and be out until the alarm, not anymore now its a struggle to drop off and awake like you at all hours.
I'm not the best one to comment on options right now as you'll know I found more dumps under the dumps that I was down in, all I can suggest is keep doing what you're doing, you obviously are doing everything you can and then some for your kids and even if your S doesnt pick up on that at the moment you're letting him know you care on a daily basis and that you're there for him.
One of my 180s with my S is not just setting up things I want to do and bringing him but trying to do things he wants and going with him (different than just taking him). I know in your case he's actually an adult which is a far cry from my 9 / 10 year old (who varies between being 4 and 32 in attitude!) but is there anything you could arrange to go away with him on a trip or some away-days to have a change in scenery and remove immediate stress? Just a suggestion obviously, once my moving is sorted (if it ever is) Im planning on a trip to Alton Towers (theme park for those of you in the US although you do have much better ones )
As always thinking about everyone on here, if nothing else we know we're not the only ones in the world going through this, even if it feels like it.
Cheers
Ed
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
Hi south. Just looking at this again. Why do you feel the need to tell her your done? What will that achieve? Whether your done or not will that really change what you are doing/need to do?
If you really need to say it then do so in a letter (which you burn rather than give to her) or in a post on here.
Otherwise focus on you and your kids. You were the first to say it to me so let me hold that mirror up. Be a man only a fool would leave and if she doesnt see it then she's a fool and you deserve better.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
If you really need to say it then do so in a letter (which you burn rather than give to her) or in a post on here.
Just to agree with this, I had so many times in the last couple of weeks where I imagined W was here and talked and talked until my voice went regarding the things I cant say to her in person at the moment (confused the cats if nothing else). I also tried the letter writing idea myself but stopped as it was really upsetting me rather than helping and I was afraid I'd be too tempted to send it.
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
Cats make good soubding boards - Sometimes 'meow' is all the response what I've said dignifies.
Same here but in my case I believe it means, "that's nice dear, now what about my dinner!".
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
Cats make good soubding boards - Sometimes 'meow' is all the response what I've said dignifies.
Same here but in my case I believe it means, "that's nice dear, now what about my dinner!".
Lol that's all cats meow for is dinner .
Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
)