Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
C
CMS Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
Originally Posted By: Card29
For me, detachment is a result of consistent GAL and 180 over time. It ebbs and flows. I've been DBing for approaching 3 months and I still have rough patches, maybe 3-5 days every 2-3 weeks. It is not easy, but it does get easier.

What are your GAL activities? I had to abandon some of my normal hobbies because they weren't distrscting enough for me. I joined a coed kickball league that just ended. I've been doing salsa dance lessons every week for 6 weeks now (I've never danced before). I'm entering a pumpkin decorating contest. I would have never thought for a second to do these things. So think outside of the box. If you don't have the kids, you should be spending AT LEAST two days or night a week doing something out of your house and out of your comfort zone.



My GALs right now are not as broad as yours yet. I work thirds and when I get up I spend alot of time working on finding a place up where my kids are. trying to work everything in the move within budget. I get out and about a couple times a week and hang with a coworker. I also am going to continue to enjoy the beach here in FL while I still can. Funny you mentioned pumpkin decorating because I am planning on learning to do 3d carving with pumpkins. Inside GALs I like to paint and have not had much time for it with being busy with wife and kids so picking that back up. After the move planes for GAL will include night art lessons and I want to take some salsa lessons as well. Dont ask me why just always have. I think I am going to take your suggestion and really think outside the box when I get there. Me and S10 already have plans to get passes at a place to do snowboarding together and possibly cross country skiing.

Your definitely on to something that the more 180 and GAl that happens the easier it should be to detach. I keep telling myself I survived war twice I can survive this. Its all about keep moving forward. Appreciate the encouragement.


Me 38
WAW 40
S 10
S 5
M 5 years
BD 10/04/14
S 10/04/14
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
C
CMS Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
Originally Posted By: 1foot2
This is random but I saw you mentioned melatonin. I use it to sleep when I can't, which I e had those nights lately believe me, but it makes me very foggy the next day. Monitor that if you are taking it, and maybe cut the tab in half. A little goes a long way.


Thanks for the sound advice will keep that in mind for sure


Me 38
WAW 40
S 10
S 5
M 5 years
BD 10/04/14
S 10/04/14
CMS #2498027 10/18/14 12:03 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
C
CMS Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
Ok well lots of positive communication today. Ordered S4 a birthday gift and she picked it up with him this afternoon. She called to let him say thank you and put it on speaker phone and all of us talked and laughed together. Boys can't wait for me to get up there.
Also got a call from my buddy who was with me both tours during war and we have alot of the same issue we have overcame. Talked alot about the progress we have made and it was a good chat to boost PMA. sometimes spending too much time in hind sight and soul searching can where you down and make you feel like a monster.

Just being happy right now that there is no ongoing turmoil and wife is being very good at letting me interact with my kids. She always loved how good of a father I am and even though she is angry and leaving she has not translated that into my relationship with my kids.


Me 38
WAW 40
S 10
S 5
M 5 years
BD 10/04/14
S 10/04/14
CMS #2498269 10/18/14 08:49 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
C
CMS Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
Journal entry from work.
I read around alot on posts and I realize that although I am heartbroken and in a tough sitch there are plenty more with a tougher sitch. I pray for all on here daily.

Right now im at a good level of PMA and keeping busy with prepping for the move. As I looked around the house today before work a big sigh escaped me. This seems so wrong and unjust on all accounts and for all involved. we had finally seemed to settle here and life was really getting on track. So I know there is nothing to do but adjust to this new future as it comes. I am accepting that but a final look back is just human nature. Accepting it all means knowing that whatever short and long term goals that have been discussed over and over the past few months are gone with the wind.

Only God knows where this road will lead. Its not an easy road. Its a road where the destination is not clear. It is exciting and frightening all at the same time. It at times even seems like a lonely road. Regardless it's a road I must travel. taking one step at a time.


Me 38
WAW 40
S 10
S 5
M 5 years
BD 10/04/14
S 10/04/14
CMS #2498360 10/19/14 07:08 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
Only God knows where this road will lead. Its not an easy road. Its a road where the destination is not clear. It is exciting and frightening all at the same time. It at times even seems like a lonely road. Regardless it's a road I must travel. taking one step at a time.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
C
CMS Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
two weeks till the move. I am excited and nervous. Excited to see my kids and spend time with them, even excited at my new possible apartment (will know this week) but I am nervous about seeing the wife for the first time in a month. She is definitly all business yet chatty on the phone. its a wierd contradiction that I 1)don't eve dare read into and 2) dont believe anything she says.
She is trying to create this perfect future without us in it. promising the kids and herself all kinds of material things that her part time minimum wage job couldn't afford. Her plans now are to make a room in her moms basement for her and the kids sleep in her moms guest room till she can save enough money to fix up the mobile home that her stepdad used as a hunting camp. Other than that she says she wants to buy a horse and ride horses again, get four wheelers, snowboard equipment for S10 and snowmobiles. all that and save money on a part time job.
Only reason I mention it is I am at the point that I beleive she is not accepting reality at all. I maintain NC unless she does and and am doing 180's, big ones for her to notice is even when she gets mean in a phone call I respond with calm and even validating answers. She now apologizes for it after she gets off the phone. that itself is a 180 for her.

In short I think its going to be a long road. I don't see the M as lost or Dead yet even if it seemed that way Lazurus was dead for awhile before Jesus raised him from the dead. either way I will continue to work on me, my life, and maintain a great relationship with my kids.


Me 38
WAW 40
S 10
S 5
M 5 years
BD 10/04/14
S 10/04/14
CMS #2498604 10/20/14 05:17 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
C
CMS Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
Ok update. Wife took her married status off FB (hit me like a slug to my chest) and then text asking how I was doing and other questions regarding the move. Told her I was doing good and pretty much have a place lined up. I did ask her what she had been replying to people who ask about the separation. She said that she just told people if they didnt know yet then it must not be any of their business or she said she tells them we tried to make it work but it just didnt work out.


Me 38
WAW 40
S 10
S 5
M 5 years
BD 10/04/14
S 10/04/14
CMS #2498645 10/20/14 10:41 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
CMS, I'm so sorry. I know exactly how that feels. Keep moving through it. I am right there with you.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
CMS #2498647 10/20/14 11:01 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 148
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 148
Originally Posted By: CMS
Wife took her married status off FB (hit me like a slug to my chest).


I can sympathise with your feelings on this point CMS.. Mine did it after a bit of a heated conversation about 3 weeks in to S (before I found this great site)..

Things will get better over time.. Keep your head up!.


Me:35 W:31
S6 + S9
T: 10 years M: 7 years
BD: 7/2014
S: 8/2014
W has new BF: 12/2014
Still fighting the good fight!!..
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
C
CMS Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
Thanks guys it is amazing how each situation is idfferent yet the feelings and emotions for us all are the smae. I just keep reminding myself that all this has brought clarity and the only one I can work on is myself. I cannot change her mind or thoughts on the matter I can only work on me. If the new me is something she wants then the path to home is clear and door always open. Bought some more books and they are currently on their way.


Me 38
WAW 40
S 10
S 5
M 5 years
BD 10/04/14
S 10/04/14
Page 4 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard