Would you mind trying one more time to show me? Please be specific.
Bond... I just saw your message. Yes, I agree... He has mentioned that he would do that. I just don't think he is quite there yet. When HE feels like it is something that will help HIM, then I think it would be worth spending the money.
Last edited by makingmagic; 10/18/1408:14 PM.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
A lot of people read what you write and respond in a lot of words. They write a lot of good words to you. I get the impression that when you read the words and its not what you want it to say you just see,
"blah blah blah blah blah. Blablah blah blah blah blah.Bla bla blah? Blah bla blah bla. Blahblahblahblahblah."
I think you are just looking for a daddy figure to tell you that you are doing the right thing.
Sorry for being strong worded.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
that really frustrates me LT... because it is not true. I do not know what words to write to let the others know how much I appreciate what they say and I look for what they are saying... However, I am at a complete loss as to what is being said now. I see nothing in what has been written lately... What am I Missing???
I have truly appreciated Sandi's math equations.... I understand them.
Also, Eric has shown me specifically a few statements too... (however, when I feel that I am trying to respect myself & not be available, he called it tactics....so not sure how to do what he asks of me)
whats the point in writing blah blah blah... can you not show me specifically? its what I was asking for?
Last edited by makingmagic; 10/18/1408:36 PM.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
The blah blah blah was written to get across to you the frustration I sense from many who have written here. What they all seem to see is the same dance your husband does and the same dance in response from you. What they see is lots of words. What they don't read is any actions that indicate a significant change in you are your husband. If you wrote about things or actions or interactions that show a true changes then people might be able to go forward.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
ok... thanks for that (clarification),. I am sure many are frustrated... just like I am. It is not intended to ignore... I am asking to understand.
Do you not see my Xbf's action? I do... how can I write it differently. This is the same guy who BD & had nothing AT all to do with me for a very long time.
HE just last night says he wants to be in a relationship & although his way of inviting me overnight was lazy... he did clarify that he wanted time with me & that we are getting along well... and he did announce how HE wants to work on us. <<<< this is HUGE to me.
Do you not see my actions? I have held back from my manipulative/controlling ways to allow him to come forward. <<<<< this is HUGE to me too.
Please give me other examples of what actions/interractions that would be better?... maybe I am just not posting right.
Thanks,
Last edited by makingmagic; 10/18/1409:04 PM.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
To me this looks like deep down it bothers you. If it didn't, then why write that. I believe many see things like this and keep telling you to look more closely at your self. They are asking you to ask yourself is this good enough for me? I don't think deep down it is good enough for you. A lack of strong feeling or commitment coming from your husband is a strong signal that he is probably not ready and you are destine for more heart ache. after all he has put you through is a half hearted approach from him good enough? What you have written indicates a limp response to being with you.
Only you can decide if this is good enough for you and will give you the comfort of a long term continuing relationship.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
"lazy" was written because its what Sandi labelled it as... so, I was going off the opinion of another. Lazy is due to his ways to offer a proper date or to admit what the overnight/work away meant to him. He did clarify it (that he wanted time away with me), once I told him that it was not obvious to me. Lazy/and what I am learning about and whether its good enough or not, is very new to me. I was in a relationship for 20 years with a person who didn't know how to fully appreciate me (although he did...just didn't admit it often enough) & has recently said (when we went for Keg dinner) that he appreciates me so much more now (this was not a prompted comment but random!). HE is beginning to treat me better & is kinder & nicer to me. He still has a way to go to live up to the standards that others would consider their base line. I am "learning" to have a standard. First, I want to see if his intentions are to pursue me... this seems to be happening (sure, still in such a small way... but I cannot expect grand gestures just yet).... I am happy for a "start"... I will want and seek bigger ... later as we progress on. I did not see it as a half-hearted approach, so I will think on this one... maybe it is.... hmmm
I do believe (ATM) that he is coming around & warming up to admitting his feelings & wanting to be committed again....because he said so. We had such fun last night. We laughed and we were playful. It was nice. The best part was when HE cuddled into me to fall fast sleep... and how ALL night long he kept reaching for me just to reach out to have his hand on me. He seemed to get comfort from that too.
Then today, reality & back to work... busy day. He was nice & at the end of the day he was commenting on how nice it was to "sleep" with me and commenting again on how much fun I am (still).
Now, I realize that he is probably not fully ready and its possible that I could be destined for more heart ache. Therefore, I am being careful & going to go slow. I do believe that if things continue like this, it will naturally lead back into my CLTR (like he said he wants).
Tonight, he offered for me to come over & have pizza with him... I am going to decline & instead grab take out with DD & watch some TV & go to sleep early (I didn't sleep much... he SNORES!!).
Does my explanation indicate any better? or does everyone still feel the same?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
We'll I haven't read all ur threads but if u have been in a relationship with this man for 20 years and not a sign of marriage commitment THAT alone should tell u something. I assume u pushed for more and he ditched u and NOW has u begging to have the old relationship back. He WINS. I have to hand it to him, he played this one well. Can u Not see that?????
