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Right there with you RP, I thought I could ride the storm out. I don't think I can do "normal" through the holidays.


M: 33
W: 33
M: 9 T: 10
3 S's: 8, 6 and 1.5
BD: 8/3/14
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Ugh! 6 months of living together through this would be torture. I think I lasted less than a month before I told my H that maybe he needed "space" and he jumped at the chance to move out.

I wonder sometimes if I had just been able to ignore it and he stayed in the house would we have worked it out? On the other hand I think maybe the fact that he moved out and was free to live his independent fantasy life with the OW - which didn't work out so great - maybe forced him to realize the grass is not greener.

I know, as others have said, that his moving out was MUCH better for my sanity. I didn't have to see him, sleep in the same bed and be fake nice/happy all the time. It helped me to seem more mysterious and independent too.

At least you can look forward to some peace for yourself even if this is a horrible process.

Hugs, Lisa

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Originally Posted By: LisaB


I wonder sometimes if I had just been able to ignore it and he stayed in the house would we have worked it out?


Lisa, I think the only way that my H staying in the house was going to work out is if he gave up the OW. Living in a triangle hasn't worked for any of us. I was just banking on him giving it up, and there for a while he told me he had, but then he royally blew that little secret.

I think even if he and OW crashed and burned this afternoon, he still needs to go. We need to have the chance to miss each other and see how we feel about that. I need to live in a space that's my own and be happy with myself and not care what H thinks about my wardrobe or whether there is a piece of mail on the kitchen counter or what shape pasta I made for dinner. You know?

At this point, he needs to go for him, he needs to go for me. Y'all keep your fingers crossed that the perfect tastefully furnished 3-bedroom unit with carded security and a really nice pool area in a very particular section of a specific zip code comes up next week. ;-)



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H got home late yesterday afternoon, we had a pleasant dinner and evening together with the girls. This morning we were chatting and he said he'd found a place. Mind you, he's told me that twice before and it didn't really work. We will see.

The thing is, his announcement immediately followed my telling him that I might need to have some surgery, I have some tests Wednesday to find out. So, I had mixed feelings about the apartment. Yay, he found one and on the flip side panic about who is going to be there for me if I need surgery. But nothing I can do about either of those things today, for now I need to get to church.

Hope everyone has a great Sunday.



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rppfl -- your church might have a care team to help out with such things as surgery. I'm sure someone can give you a ride to and from and help out later. Your H will have to step up too. You will be okay. Don't let fear take over.


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
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Sorry to hear about your potential surgery, rpp. Ahoy is right - there are resources available if that comes to pass (you can also mention it to the hospital or surgery center - they frequently have resources in place too).

Be well.


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
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I work for our church. I know that people would step up and help me out, we do it for others all the time. I just don't want to be that pathetic divorced woman who can't take care of herself. No, I don't think that about the rest of my parishioners, just myself. Guess I need an attitude adjustment.

Last edited by rppfl; 10/19/14 02:14 PM.


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Not taking care of yourself would be not lining up the help. If you were widowed would you have this concern?

Hope you're doing all right, though.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

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Originally Posted By: rppfl
I work for our church. I know that people would step up and help me out, we do it for others all the time. I just don't want to be that pathetic divorced woman who can't take care of herself. No, I don't think that about the rest of my parishioners, just myself. Guess I need an attitude adjustment.


Why would you want to steal someone elses joy of serving, then?


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
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Originally Posted By: Jefe

Why would you want to steal someone elses joy of serving, then?


Wow, Jefe. You just smacked me in the middle of my forehead. How did I not see that? Thank you for the fresh perspective.



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