moving on from the affair forum to here

[twinmom]

I don't even know how to describe the pain, and it won't go away. No matter what I do not one single hour goes by that ex-OW isn't in my head. He did this for her, he did that for her........... blah, blah, blah...

I can't look at him without seeing her and thinking about how loving, caring and passionate he was with her. It makes me physically ill.

Even though he is living with me he isn't putting forth the effort into our marriage that he gave their relationship.

It hurts so badly to end this marriage as I feel like I am starting from square one but I know that's what I have to do. He doesn't love me and deep down I know I deserve someone who does.

So here I am, court date on October 14th and scared, nervous and even though this is my decision completely 100% devastated.

[bdub]

Hang in there twinmom.

[Arcola]

twinmom,
Hang in there. I believe there are better days coming for you and your sitch.
You’re not alone, as other members feel similar and have a race of thoughts ongoing through their sitch. Nothing has been set in motion for the legalities of my sitch, but I can relate with the constant thoughts of OW/OM. I too constantly think of my W and OM. I don’t know if its still and EA or has become a PA as slightly by having kissed. I get angry at her, at him (since he was someone I initially welcomed in my house), angry at her b/c I wonder how can you think this is right to do to our family, angry at her for not having a little more strength to possibly work this out, angry at her b/c I sense she wants to be “friends” and us happy go lucky throughout this all, and the list goes on.

I can’t say that I have set any boundaries, but last week I started my own account.

On a side note, its funny how when we first married that W and I having separate accounts wouldn’t work for a marriage or didn’t fit the overall marriage stereotype. And here we are now, and eventually this joint account will become a hot topic and she’s the WAW.

This week I plan to start a small allotment to my account prior my check being direct deposited into the joint account. I plan to notify her I want the house bills which are in her name only, in mine only. Take her off my life insurance and get my own phone plan so I’m not checking phone logs. All of the above is to hopefully detach.

I’d like to relate to what you said,

“No matter what I do not one single hour goes by that ex-OW isn’t in my head.”

Am I right to say its hard to detach from the whole sitch? That has been an issue of mine since my sitch started. As I see it my last step aside from anything dealing with finances, is to stop touching W. This has proved to be so difficult. Yesterday, was supposed to mark Day 1 of no touching. The day went well, but at night laying in the same bed, king size at that, and not touching proved so difficult. It took me 2 hours to fall asleep. Within that two hours I had a weird nightmare about violence in church, asked her was she sleep twice she moved and made a moaning sound, and got out of bed to get on computer for 15 minutes and eat a snack.

Twinmom, I hope this doesn’t come off as hijacking or 1 upping you, but I wanted to post. All in all, I wish you the best throughout your sitch and that the days become minimal of your mind being overwhelmed with the thoughts of your sitch.

[25yearsmlc]

I don't even know how to describe the pain, and it won't go away. No matter what I do not one single hour goes by that ex-OW isn't in my head. He did this for her, he did that for her........... blah, blah, blah...

I PROMISE you, this^^ improves. IT does get better. There are some things you can do to speed it up, which I'll share in a minute. But just know that you will NOT always feel this badly. I am positive.

I can't look at him without seeing her and thinking about how loving, caring and passionate he was with her. It makes me physically ill.

wait..."how caring & passionate he was with her"...what? Oh, Because of how HONEST he was with HER? Um, not so much...he's lied TO you ,ABOUT you, AND TO her and ABOUT her, AND TO his first wife ABOUT you and blah blah blah.

I think if you had endless energy (which you do not)

and nothing better to do (which you DO),

I'd say you should go out and hunt for the 1-2 women to whom he has NOT lied, IF they exist...

Even though he is living with me he isn't putting forth the effort into our marriage that he gave their relationship.


that's a funny statement when you think about it. Okay not "funny" hilarious but damn ironic. So, He is putting forth "so much effort" into the R he has with her WHILE living with you??
[/i]
((Oh Lord give me strength! Man, This guy better look like Brad Pitt and have the money of Warren Buffet to have this many women messed up by him.)) Sheesh!

It hurts so badly to end this marriage as I feel like I am starting from square one but I know that's what I have to do. He doesn't love me and deep down I know I deserve someone who does.

So here I am, court date on October 14th and scared, nervous and even though this is my decision completely 100% devastated.

We are here for you, rooting you onward. Get past this HUMP and you WILL feel more at peace. TELL yourself your mantras and live them. Turn this over to God (or your higher power or whatever God exists for you).

I KNOW Better times are coming!

[twinmom]

Thank you everyone, 25yrs he isn't ugly but isn't anywhere near a 10..... he has a decent job but doesn't make 6 figures yet....
So why the f**** am I attracted to him? Why are other women? SERIOUSLY, is it something wrong with me?


Everyone here has been wonderful and I am so grateful. Words can't even express how I feel.

[twinmom]

So I received flowers today, with a card that said
"to the best thing that has come into my life, I hope these flowers make you smile and remind you of how great of a woman you are"

No name on the card, so I sent my H a text asking if I owed him a "thank you" he replied "no, not from me but they look nice :-)" (I had posted a pic on fb)


Found out they came from a guy I went out with once :-( ugh..... totally wasn't into him

The worst part..... as soon as they were delivered I hoped they were from my H. And when I found out they weren't I was sad.

[twinmom]

Court was yesterday.... H did not show up, he told me he wasn't, the judge granted all my requests. It was just a hearing for preliminary orders. So now my plan is to sit back and do nothing...
I want the legal benefits of staying married like health insurance.

[unbidden]

Glad to hear your doing well, tw. You went through so much. Glad to see you on the other side. Take care

[twinmom]

Unbidden, I wouldn't say I was doing well. More like the divorce is happening and because we "tried" to make it work I am starting from square one in the detachment area and I had never really made that much progress to begin with.

He is such a cold/distant/detached person.

[unbidden]

Sorry to hear that. I hope things get better soon