WAH - chapter 5 LisaB

[Card29]

Hehe

[LisaB]

Poor Mozza, we all just think of delicious cheese every time he is around.

Thanks for the tips Mozza, I totally agree. Be a little more distant and cool. I guess that is mysterious. It is difficult for me because I am more the open and friendly type but I do my best!

I spent an entire day with WAH and it was interesting. Everything was fine, we got along swimmingly, exactly like when we were still together. Of course I found that a bit confusing. Everything was "normal" except no kissing, no hugging, no touching, no hand holding etc etc. We act like we are together but then we are not together.

At the end of the day we had dinner and a few drinks. No R talk all day at all. So I couldn't resist some temperature taking... I know... bad. But I needed some idea of what is going on in his head. So I told him he seemed happier than he had been lately. (not too bad as far as temp taking, right?) He shrugged and said he was OK and mumbled something like "I don't know what I want." He said he just has to get used to the changed situation. Then he said "The thing is...." and there was a long long pause. I steeled myself for a zinger and bit my tongue. Then he said something like "You never know who you will meet... but I just don't see myself meeting anyone I like as much as you."

I smiled and said "wow, that is very sweet" and changed the subject.

DBers, what the heck does that mean? Sometimes I feel he talks about me/us like I am dead. It's like he is saying "Too bad we cannot be together because you are the best thing in the world. Too bad you are dead."

Any thoughts?

My guess would be that he is still enjoying the freedom to date and sleep around and is not ready to give that up, even though he doesn't find it completely fulfilling and misses me.

I guess more patience and time is needed but I honestly don't know how much more I have to give. We'll see!

Any advice on things I should say, do, think?

Hugs, Lisa

[gan]

My take: he's still weighing up his options, but things are tipping in your favor. Or at least it is dawning on him that the grass may not be greener.

I've been racking my brain about how to be more of a challenge. No brilliant ideas yet. Sorry. Looks like what you are doing is working though so I say keep it up!

[Mozza]

I think you're doing great. You've got plenty of opportunities to show your PMA, your 180s, your changes... He's confused. He's making progress. He's doing what the DB method predicts he would do. Remember that it's a long path and just be happy that you're going in the right direction. Keep doing what you're doing, don't get too excited, no expectations, etc. It's a win for the day. Take it!

[SunnyB]

Everything was fine, we got along swimmingly, exactly like when we were still together. Of course I found that a bit confusing. Everything was "normal" except no kissing, no hugging, no touching, no hand holding etc etc. We act like we are together but then we are not together.

Lisa, this describes my life every single day of the past 7 months. It's not unpleasant. It's not how I want to live the next 30 years, but not unpleasant.

In your case, it sounds like it might be a really positive thing. Hang in there.

[LisaB]

Thanks for your input ganb8te, Mozza and rppfl! I really appreciate it.

I'm afraid I have been suffering from expectations. I don't get what is wrong with him.

We saw each other twice last week and he contacts me pretty regularly via email or text message. But when I don't hear from him I get frustrated and irritated.

I wonder why he isn't contacting me, and then even when he is I wonder why he isn't asking to see me. He claims to be so lonely, is on a bunch of dating and socializing sites, apparently is going to parties just to be more social and meet people (girls). He is making all this effort to stay busy and social and date, but then says he misses me. Well dummy, there is no need to make yourself crazy with all this dating and stuff... I am right here.

I don't understand and it annoys me to no end.

Yes I know I need to have patience and focus on myself and all that. Sometimes it is difficult. So I'm just venting.

I hope you all are enjoying your weeks, it's almost the weekend!

Hugs, Lisa

[gan]

Sounds like last week was a bit rotten for us both. I dare you to make this week better!

[LisaB]

haha Ganb8te, the weekend started getting better half way through, thank you! I got a grip on myself after having a rough few days. I was feeling very frustrated that WAH seems to be pulling away again. I mean, it's not like we were getting back together, but for the last month or so he has expressed a few times how much he misses me and we've been quite friendly. And then last week we saw each other twice and had a good time. So I guess I was feeling like things were headed in the direction of more closeness, and then he seemed to disappear a bit.

I hit a low when I sent him a message and he did not reply. I don't make it a habit of contacting him first, but this time I did - just sending something funny. But it took him 24 hours to reply which is not typical for him. It really irritated me, and I just got more and more upset and angry. I know it is silly but for some reason it just set me off.

After being upset for a day or so I suddenly started feeling better. I can't know what is in his head or why he would be friendly and then distant or if it means anything or not. But it seems to me I have heard and read a lot about male "uncertainty" in dating, and rubber bands, and pursuer/distancer dynamics and all that... and that this kind of hot and cold behavior can be quite common. So maybe I shouldn't make such a big deal of it. (but contacting him first is not working for me, I can't have no expectations)

Obviously I am not detached and I need to focus on myself more. Currently doing that. And I have 2 guys who want to date me, I guess that is good for my ego although I won't be dating either of them.

So that is my story for today. Have been GALing up a storm, so busy it hurts. Could use a break actually.

Hope you all had a good weekend!
Hugs, Lisa

[gan]

Been there, done that. The no replies are pretty low. In the end though it says more about them than it does us. Try not to get sucked in to his drama.

Easier said than done, I know!

[Little]

Checking in! Yes, it seems to me like he's questioning. Maybe a good thing!