Maybell...I like your word "intentional." It is so hard to wake up hurting, make a conscious decision to love someone who doesn't love you back and act accordingly. I really look at myself in the mirror every morning now, and not just to shave. It reminds me who I am. That there is dignity in standing for marriage when your W wants out. That the pain and grief have value, if only to ourselves. And it reminds me to give those things to God. I can't change them, but he is happy to take them away.
I sure hope you're right.
The knife in my chest is hurting bad today.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
There is more dignity in facing your own issues and deciding you want to overcome them to make you a better person - saving a marriage is a side benefit.
At least that's what I tell myself in the mirror
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Hit a new thing tonight. Looked at the past...and wished I had not married this woman. I know what I've done. I can also now look at what she's done. To me, to our children. The compromises that I made in an effort to keep a peaceful home. This isn't so much a blame thing...just a desire for a different past. Again, this is pretty strange and I'm well aware that it probably selfish. Trying to find a way to accept my current reality.
I doubt that this emotion sticks for long. But it seems...helpful? I know that sounds weird. Just another paradigm shift. Maybe I'm just tired of sobbing and feeling pitiful.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
"Maybe I'm just tired of sobbing and feeling pitiful."
I know I am.
Praying for you, my friend.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Doing fine. D is today. I left town over the weekend with my kids to see some family while W removed most of her belongings. Got some sleep!
I am currently relaxing at the house, getting ready to have my new (refurb) washer/dryer delivered.
Thanks for checking in. I haven't felt much like hanging out here on the boards anyway. I'll get more active when I have some fun GAL stuff to share and if anything new develops.
One thing I can tell all of you who are following this saga...find a way to drop the rope. W was still collecting clothes, and smaller items, last night. She was disoriented, tired, and incapable of holding a thought in her head. I stayed pretty calm and civil, agreed to what we should do the next few days with children (no changes, just confirmation) and ignored her otherwise.
No mindreading here. But that was the first time she seemed to allow the gravity of her actions to affect her visibly since BD. She sought me out several times with nothing to really say...she just seemed to want to be around me. Her aunt told me that she had been that way most of the weekend. Aunt is still praying for us and wants this to resolve in a restoration of marriage.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all today. My mind is at ease.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
Thanks, Maybell. I got my new washer/dryer! And W came by so I could sign all the papers prior to our 4PM appt.
I was subdued, worked through the withholding paperwork and copies of the divorce decree and so on.
She is loopy and in a good mood. Said several times "she can't seem to keep a thought in her head." When we were done, she asked if I wanted to go out for a drink afterwards.
I declined. Which is a pity, since I told my DB coach that her requesting one-on-one time without the kids would be a sign of desire for me. And it would be immediately after D! No waiting 6 months!
I don't know who is more confused by that exchange. Me or her.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
Just for reference and to possibly take note of, for the first 2-2.5 years post-BD, my XW's behavioral cycle was highly correlated to her monthly cycle.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
