Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11
#2497314 10/15/14 05:50 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,091
Likes: 12
C
Card29 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,091
Likes: 12
3rd thread locked. Previous thread here.

Right before it was locked, I posted a key text conversation between WAW and myself. I got some feedback but was hoping a vet or two could chime in, as well. So I'll post the convo here again (this time without the fancy color formatting...). This was in the middle of a longer, lighter, friendly convo.

WAW: Can I ask an awkward question?
Me: Sure
WAW: Are you dating?
Me: Of course not
WAW: I'm guessing we would have talked about it. I didn't know if we skipped a conversation somewhere.
Me: lol "oh forgot to mention this"
WAW: Well I mean it's our situation
Me: I mean if I was dating someone, who knows if I'd want you to know. But I don't want to even think about anyone else right now.
WAW: I just wanted to know where we stood with that
Me: I'm not salsa dancing to meet people, if that's what you're thinking
WAW: I have no idea. I wasn't upset about it.
Me: I figured you were just curious
WAW: I just didn't know if we had decided. I thought you were
Me: Really?
WAW: Yeah
Me: Why?
WAW: I don't know, you're going "out" and stuff. Which is great. I just thought maybe you had been at least going on dates
Me: No. Furthest thing from my mind
WAW: Okay, sorry if that's awkward
Me: No it's not.
Me: There's lots I wish I could tell you but don't want to / can't until hopefully a day that you're ready
WAW: Ok
WAW: For the record, if someone asks you, you should go. At least to have fun and learn more about yourself if nothing else.
Me: I've learned more about myself the last 4 months than the previous 29 years
WAW: Agreed
WAW: This probably isn't the time or medium to discuss it
Me: I know, I wasn't going to tell you anything. That's what I meant earlier
WAW: And no one has asked me, at least not like for a date
Me: Okay
Me: They're all stupid, then smile


Feedback so far has been the convo was too long, I was too forthcoming about me not dating, and I shouldn't have made the final comment. I found 25yearsmlc's 10 suggestions to Ahoy in her previous thread about how to answer the question of if LBS is dating and posted it to my previous thread.

Any further commentary on this convo is appreciated, but otherwise this is just opening a new thread.


Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
Card29 #2497404 10/16/14 12:17 AM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,091
Likes: 12
C
Card29 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,091
Likes: 12
Paging MrBond. I'm still very interested in what issues you see with my DBing. I have a lot of respect for you:

Originally Posted By: "MrBond"
In what ways have you been detaching?

I understand that you read DR, however many of your comments sound contrary to that. Is there anything you don't understand?


Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
Card29 #2497410 10/16/14 12:41 AM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
Took me awhile to find that initial post since it was almost a month ago.

So far you're doing okay. Your W is testing the waters to be sure that you're still "hers". Right now is the period where she's testing things out and you can be assured that if she is seeing someone, she's not going to care if you are seeing someone or not.

Be aware that the WAS will often trickle truth during this stage. If she says that she hasn't been asked out on a date, many times it means that she has. One of the things you do at this point is to beat her to it. I don't mean necessarily date, but show her that can move on at any minute with someone else.

The next time she calls and you're busy, just tell her that you're out with someone and you'll call her when you get a chance. Things like that. Her insecurities will start to get the best of her. Just like an LBS's.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
MrBond #2497421 10/16/14 12:57 AM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,091
Likes: 12
C
Card29 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,091
Likes: 12
Thanks for the response! I know there's lots of active threads so I was just periodically casting a line to you. Didn't want to reach out to you on someone else's thread.

I'm understanding the value of that more and more. I played this card on Sunday. She knew I was at gym with D2 and the plan was for me to bring D2 from gym to her apt for drop off. Instead of showing up in gym clothes, I showered dressed up in nice "Sunday afternoon" clothes, wore cologne, and acted like I was in a hurry to be somewhere. She noticed and asked "didn't you go to the gym?" I said yeah but I was going to be out and about. 2 days later she asked if I was dating so obviously that worked.

I'll give the "I'm out right now" card a try at some point.


Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
Card29 #2497435 10/16/14 02:04 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 266
1
Member
Offline
Member
1
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 266
Yeah the night my W asked if I was dating, all it took was putting on a clean tshirt. Pretty amazing how sensitive they can be!


M: 33
W: 33
M: 9 T: 10
3 S's: 8, 6 and 1.5
BD: 8/3/14
Living together
MrBond #2497445 10/16/14 03:23 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
Originally Posted By: MrBond

The next time she calls and you're busy, just tell her that you're out with someone and you'll call her when you get a chance. Things like that. Her insecurities will start to get the best of her. Just like an LBS's.


Oh, that's good.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Jefe #2497489 10/16/14 07:44 AM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,091
Likes: 12
C
Card29 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,091
Likes: 12
The day before WAW moved out, she told me she still wanted to watch the final season of our favorite show, which had recently been released to Netflix, together. I held on to that. We watched a few episodes together leading up to the final season, mainly back in August while we were getting the house ready. I asked her a couple of times in September if she wanted to watch a new episode together. she said she was busy or something. I just noticed on our account that she's already watched half of the last season. Kind of a bummer as I was hoping this would lead to a lot of quality time (one of her LL's). Not going to dwell on it though


Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23
Card29 #2497495 10/16/14 09:12 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
C
CMS Offline
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 52
Its crazy how what seemed trivial before can raise so many emotions after. Me and the wife would pick a show and binge watch it at times. One of our favorites just started a new season and I couldn't bring myself to watch it yet. Your in my thoughts and prayers man.


Me 38
WAW 40
S 10
S 5
M 5 years
BD 10/04/14
S 10/04/14
CMS #2497500 10/16/14 10:46 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
I can so relate to this one, Card. I know just how you feel.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Jefe #2497511 10/16/14 11:42 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 266
1
Member
Offline
Member
1
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 266
Oh this one made my heart hurt. Been there. Night of BD, W and I were supposed to go see a movie but never made it. Fairly certain she saw it a week or two later without me, with someone else.


M: 33
W: 33
M: 9 T: 10
3 S's: 8, 6 and 1.5
BD: 8/3/14
Living together
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard