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mindsin Offline OP
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DB Coaching Session #9

Key takeaways:

1. Good work in keeping up with parental responsibilities. Continue to show that I am proactive and engaged in our children's lives at every level (educational, emotional, etc), and keep doing it in a way as not to make it sound like I'm criticizing or questioning my W's parenting in any way.

2. Don't "rattle the cage". Keep on my current path. Don't have any crazy thoughts about threatening the OM, etc. Allow physical separation & time to dissolve the affair.

3. Well done on responses to W regarding Thursday night's ballroom dance class, as well as the follow-up question regarding "going on a date".

4. Way too early to suggest time together. Let's wait til at least Thanksgiving before considering.

5. Since my W seems to mirror the level of interaction I have with her, try engaging her a little more in conversation, but only in small doses, and back off at the 1st sign of her withdrawing. Try to have more conversations where I have opportunities to ask her for her thoughts and opinions.

6. Don't get caught in the friend zone. I still want to show her that I'm attractive and sexy. Keep speaking her love language. Maintain cool and fun persona. Be drama-free. Let drama exist in the OM/OMW world with your W. Show that you want no part of that.


M: 15 years
BD: 6/25/14
EA/PA: starts 5/14/14
11/30/14 - A ends
5/15/15 - D is finalized.
11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 370
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mindsin Offline OP
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Tonight's just yet another evening when my W comes home late (this time, yoga class). At home, I helped my son with his homework and some extra study assignments, just as I do every night. Then I played tea party with my daughter (inspired by MrBond), which my son later joined in.

My W walked into the house just as I finished getting the kids ready for bed. She finally got her new iPhone working by going to the Apple store, followed by a visit to the AT&T store, and somehow blamed me for her troubles. A year ago, I got her Verizon-branded iPhone to work on an AT&T network by inserting a SIM card.

There was just some small talk in the kitchen about some of the products she's supporting at her job and how many millions of dollars it will take to launch this new product. I listened, and asked a few questions back. She then asked me about the few errands she had requested from me, to which I said "I took care of it all".

She then asked me about how my day went. I worked from home today spending most of the day taking an online training course.

I then asked her about our son's school event on Friday evening. I asked if she'd be able to take him, since I will be quite a distance away that day at a company event, and I won't be sure if I'll make it back in time. She said she can't take him because she won't be around. I asked her what she's doing Friday night. She simply replied, "I have something going on already. I'm already committed. I'll have my dad take him". I let it go at that point and said, "well hopefully I make it back in time".

It's pretty obvious that she will be with the OM (I guess he's flying in Friday afternoon). Since his W will be returning (after a 3-week stay with her brother in another country), I'm assuming he wanted the extra time so he has a chance to spend ample time with both his W and kids, as well as my W.

$1000 says she will tell me she's spending the night on Friday, and another $500 says she'll be spending the night on Saturday as well.

I've already prepared myself mentally for it so it doesn't bother me all that much. I'm going to have a super Friday night and Saturday with my kids, with or without her.


M: 15 years
BD: 6/25/14
EA/PA: starts 5/14/14
11/30/14 - A ends
5/15/15 - D is finalized.
11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,428
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You are getting there, Mindsin! Keep it up.


Me 38 H 40
D 3
T 8 M 6
BD 10/2013

Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 370
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mindsin Offline OP
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W pretty much confirmed to me today via e-mail that she will be spending tomorrow with the OM after work, and will spend the night with him and come back late Saturday.

She then asked me what I plan to do with them on Saturday.

I haven't responded, and I'm not sure if I want to.

I asked my FIL and MIL if they'd be able to take my son and daughter to the school event tomorrow evening. My MIL knew the reason why, and said something to the effect of "I want him (OM) dead!".

My W will be going over their house tonight to have dinner and pick up the kids. I will be at my dance lesson (1st one!). My in-laws said they're going to play dumb and ask about tomorrow evening. They will give her a chance to admit to them that she will be with the OM instead of taking our son to the school evening. After that, who knows. It's out of my hands.

Looking forward to learning some steps tonight! smile


M: 15 years
BD: 6/25/14
EA/PA: starts 5/14/14
11/30/14 - A ends
5/15/15 - D is finalized.
11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,708
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Remember. Replace OM with a shopping addiction or something else less personal feeling. That has been my mantra and has helped me tremendously.

Good job on GAL.


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 370
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mindsin Offline OP
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I hear ya Zeus, except for the fact that separately, she has a shopping addiction too!!! LOL wink


M: 15 years
BD: 6/25/14
EA/PA: starts 5/14/14
11/30/14 - A ends
5/15/15 - D is finalized.
11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 370
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mindsin Offline OP
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Posts: 370
Dance lessons were great! I was in a room full of people who were very upbeat and full of joy -from the instructors to the students. For one hour, my mind was completely in another place. It was my escape from my marital hell.

It also helped that my dance instructor was very attractive. I loved holding her hands as she was teaching me steps. I will be going again on Saturday.

When I came home, I saw another dress shirt on the bed. My W bought me another shirt. It warmed my heart.


M: 15 years
BD: 6/25/14
EA/PA: starts 5/14/14
11/30/14 - A ends
5/15/15 - D is finalized.
11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 370
M
mindsin Offline OP
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Posts: 370
I had a wonderful weekend so far with the kids. Last night I met up with my FIL and my son at his school for the Halloween bash. He had such an awesome time there. Saturday, we slept in and I took them out to brunch, then my son's soccer. After that, I took the kids to my friend's house warming party. They had a blast and so did I. My friend had a billiards table and I played for the first time in years! We were there for about 5 hours then we headed over to my in-laws for some coffee, hot cocoa (for the kids) and some good conversation.

My W didn't call or text me yesterday or today - not even to talk to the kids or even ask how they were doing. She just came home a few minutes ago. She was with the OM since Friday afternoon. I really don't care where they went or what they were doing. I think this is the first time I can truly say that and be honest to myself about it. I feel I'm taking positive steps forward.


M: 15 years
BD: 6/25/14
EA/PA: starts 5/14/14
11/30/14 - A ends
5/15/15 - D is finalized.
11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,428
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Wow Mindsink! So great to hear the shift in your focus! Keep up the great work!!


Me 38 H 40
D 3
T 8 M 6
BD 10/2013

Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 370
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mindsin Offline OP
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Thanks Claire. Another good sign that I'm moving in the right direction is the fact that MrBond and 25yearsmlc haven't posted in my thread in a while. I must be doing something right! LOL wink


M: 15 years
BD: 6/25/14
EA/PA: starts 5/14/14
11/30/14 - A ends
5/15/15 - D is finalized.
11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
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