Hi Ahoy. You are increable and you are so strong it's amazing. If I read your posts correctly you still love H very much. I am very far from an expert but if it's ok I would like to give some advice. Please ignore if it's not what you want to hear. Your love for H is obvious in every post. If H is in a MLC ( and it sound like he is) then he is not sure about anything. Please don't act in haste No one has died. If you want to stand then do. If not don't. Time heals and all that and to me and others on here we would love to have someone like you in our lives You will meet someone else but if you want to wait and see if his fog lifts then you wait each path will be tough and to me your H doesn't deserve you but to me his just H. To you he is a friend lover partner and the rest. You love him. Please take your time you have loads of it. Make your decision with a calm mind my W sounds similar to your H and some of her actions are laughable but I'm trying to see if she in inside this new person or if she has evolved into this one. Your pain is felt by all of us on here but only you know your true feelings and even then you must be confused. Take your time. You will be happy again. You will. Take care
Thank you rd500. I'm open to taking time, but he's the one wanting to D. He wants this I think so he can continue to pursue this other woman with a clearer conscience. One thing I did wrong is say that if he was 100% sure he was done with our M then there was no reason not to start educating ourselves about the dissolution process in our state, which we have plans to do later this month. I told him I didn't want to do anything legal at this point, just educating ourselves. He agreed. So I contributed to pushing things forward, which is totally against DB.
At the same time, I felt good about having direction. And I felt okay with releasing him. Do I love him? I don't know.
I loved the person he was. I loved our life and our family. I trusted him and he was my best friend.
All of those things are gone now, though. He is simply not that man anymore, and I don't know what the outcome of his MLC will be. I don't know the kind of man he might become.
But right now he is a man who left out of the blue to have an affair, and to me that is not attractive.
Do I love him?
This man who sat across from me crying in self-pity? Who says he is happy in his new wilderness? Who has no idea who he is?
I don't know. I really don't.
If he drove up my driveway right now and begged to come back, I would hesitate. I would make us take time. I don't know if I could ever trust him again.
Knowing that last part gives me pause.
I know I could encounter the same issues with a new partner. But I know for sure I will encounter them with H.
The limbo has cleared, but the pain remains.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
I loved the person he was. I loved our life and our family. I trusted him and he was my best friend.
All of those things are gone now, though. He is simply not that man anymore, and I don't know what the outcome of his MLC will be. I don't know the kind of man he might become.
But right now he is a man who left out of the blue to have an affair, and to me that is not attractive.
Do I love him?
I don't know. I really don't.
Ahoy, I get this. Sometimes I believe I still love H, despite all intelligent evidence that I shouldn't. I do love my family and wish I still had it intact. I do love my life, my house, my neighborhood, my friends. Can I have those if I don't have H? They seem all tied together right now. Do I in fact love HIM? I don't know, either.
Ahoy, I get this. Sometimes I believe I still love H, despite all intelligent evidence that I shouldn't. I do love my family and wish I still had it intact. I do love my life, my house, my neighborhood, my friends. Can I have those if I don't have H? They seem all tied together right now. Do I in fact love HIM? I don't know, either.
I could have written the above statement, as I agree wholeheartedly. For me also is the reasoning in my head that I have come to believe my wife is truly sick. Suffering from an illness that makes some parts of her unattractive at the moment. I'm choosing to stand for now. Who know what I'll do if this is still going on in 8 months.
I can't certainly understand how you feel and the reason behind your decisions. I support you no matter what you choose because, selfishly, I am feeding of your strength. And unselfishly, us LBS's need people in our corner.
Originally Posted By: rd500
Hi ahoy I get your feelings exactly. A fast forward button is what we all need And maybe a rewind to stop this crap from starting in the first place.
When you figure that one out, RD, please let me know because I'll buy 2!
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I am totally in your corner. I'm just going to move forward and see what transpires. I do think my H is mentally off balance right now, which is why I was willing to stand for him. But I'm not willing to be in an open marriage and stand by while he has an affair. While I do think that standing by a marriage is serving as a good role model for D14, I also think that standing up for myself and not living in an open marriage are also serving as a good role model for her.
My grandfather left my grandmother back in 1976. They separated but she never granted him a divorce. She stood by him in spite of his many affairs, and paid all of his nursing home costs until he died of Parkinsons in his mid-70s, in 2006. I know what standing looks like. She made her vow and stood by it. I respect her for it, but I know that's not something I could do -- stand for decades without a real relationship. Self-sacrifice to the end. My grandfather lost a lot of respect from his children. My grandmother enjoyed their adoration to the end. This, my friends, is karma.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
You're a good woman, Ahoy. Too bad H dosent see it.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Can I just say: Sometimes when I read about everyone's situations on this board, I get so fed up with these WAS. You guys are good people. We all have flaws, but you are all courageous, and that is to be admired. I get mad when I read about these WAS yanking your chains, as mine did.
Sometimes I want to lead a DB revolt, and we all just drop the rope at the same time and be done with these lame losers who are putting us through this. And throw ourselves a great big party somewhere to celebrate our new-found independence.
Just a fantasy -- no need for 2x4s.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
