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A Message from Michele
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Re: I've dropped the rope.... [Re: Sotto] #2516645
12/12/14 02:41 PM
12/12/14 02:41 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,004
Colorado/USA
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Pink17 Offline
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Pink17  Offline
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Posts: 1,004
Colorado/USA
Toots,

It is a very hard transition, everything crash down on us and we don't even have too much of a choice.

You are a very nice and gentle person, maybe the Universe have a plan for you to be even happier. I think about this a lot. I even know some people that tough their lives were over while going through the D and then found happiness they never expected.

Our situation is not the same but very similar. My H is nice, have a nice attitude towards me but still says he is moving on. Even said that he can't bring himself to forget how unhappy he was in our R.

Then I think about the times that I want to D him. How I was feeling many times I want that he would just disappear and I would have some peace inside.

I guess it's part of detaching. I have been trying not to think about him all the time. And it's not so bad after all. I do love him, but I am also hurt with the fact that he didn't want to work on our M, even tough I have been asking him for a long time. It was easier for him to just jump to another R.

I admire the work you have been doing on yourself and the strength that is growing on you. One day your H will look back and find out he made a big mistake.

Lots of hugs to you.
Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



Re: I've dropped the rope.... [Re: Sotto] #2516657
12/12/14 03:14 PM
12/12/14 03:14 PM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 116
Oklahoma
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okjpc Offline
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Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 116
Oklahoma
Thanks, Toots, for your honesty. I think it's a d**k move to not acknowledge the anniversary and bday. My anniversary is next week (on Dec. 21). I'm fully expecting my W not to acknowledge, but my DB coach and IC both think I should (and i want to) with a card, but keep the message brief. My IC says I don't have much to gain by sending an anniversary card, but she may well hold it against me if I don't.

I've checked in on these threads and seen posts from people on days they're feeling strong/detached/etc. and on days when the pain is really acute. It's very comforting to see both. It makes all these feelings seem so human and understandable. And i think for you and me both, the pain is part of a process that is moving in the right direction. I'll be sending you my best thoughts today.


Me: 39 W: 46
D: 7.5 S: 5
SD: 16 SS: 12
T: 2 (06/2012)
M: 2 (12/2012)
Separation 09/2014. No talks of D yet. No communication since 10/3/2014
Re: I've dropped the rope.... [Re: okjpc] #2517088
12/14/14 02:30 AM
12/14/14 02:30 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,004
Colorado/USA
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Pink17 Offline
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Pink17  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,004
Colorado/USA
Toots,

Hope you are having some fun time with your GAL events. Thinking of you. Wish life is treating you well.

Hugs,
Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



Re: I've dropped the rope.... [Re: Pink17] #2517131
12/14/14 10:22 AM
12/14/14 10:22 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline OP
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Sotto  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Had to cancel my GALing this weekend. I am tucked up in bed with a sore throat and a fever. Hopefully, I'll be all better soon...


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: I've dropped the rope.... [Re: Sotto] #2517236
12/14/14 09:28 PM
12/14/14 09:28 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 343
GA
B
Bunches Offline
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Posts: 343
GA
Feel better Toots!


M: 36 W: 31
Married 9 yrs.
T: 11 yrs.
Son 8 yrs. (w/ Autism)
Bomb Drop 10/22/13
Divorce final 6/15
Re: I've dropped the rope.... [Re: Bunches] #2517237
12/14/14 09:39 PM
12/14/14 09:39 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,004
Colorado/USA
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Pink17 Offline
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Pink17  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,004
Colorado/USA
Dear,
I am so sorry you are not feeling good today. Please, take good care after yourself. Chicken soup is good for the soul and for your cold.

During these times of intense emotions, stress, it's very hard to keep eating the healthy stuff, but remember that you are very important and deserve a good health, so you can concentrate in your mission here.

Rest, eat healthy and take your meds. Hopefully you will be back on your feet tomorrow.

My prayers are with you.

Lots of hugs,
Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



Re: I've dropped the rope.... [Re: Pink17] #2517474
12/15/14 06:16 PM
12/15/14 06:16 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline OP
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Sotto  Offline OP
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Thanks Pink. I did get up, have a bath & get dressed today....and generally felt better than yesterday. That said, I just started feeling ropey again & am having a lie down with my hot water bottle.

BF rang today to see how I am. Any word from his Lordship? She asked...

We talked about the weirdness of everything. How he knows our R is over and hasn't told me. How he is issuing ultimatums to OW thousands of miles away. How he wants a 'new' family.

It has many hallmarks of MLC we felt...

Hope all is well with you??

Toots ()


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: I've dropped the rope.... [Re: Sotto] #2517887
12/16/14 10:19 PM
12/16/14 10:19 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,219
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rd500 Offline
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Posts: 2,219
Hi Toots. Just read your posts and sorry you find yourself I this sitch. You seem to be doing well generally and have a good PMA Things happen for a reason and we have yet to understand our reasons. I do believe we will all be happy again one day. Let's hope that day is soon. When I read these posts I so wish we could have a Xmas party because we all seem really nice people !!!!!!! Take care. Re

Re: I've dropped the rope.... [Re: rd500] #2518031
12/17/14 08:22 AM
12/17/14 08:22 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline OP
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Sotto  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Yes, wouldn't that be great, especially if we could bring 'partners' ;-)

I've also thought, wouldn't it be interesting if our spouses were all on a forum just like us. Would they be saying things like..

Gee, my W never responds to my texts straight away now, it's always an hour later...

Or, whenever I see my H now, he always reeks of cologne and wears sharp trousers
And, if I talk to her about D, she just says....I guess I'll have to think about that..:-)


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: I've dropped the rope.... [Re: Sotto] #2518165
12/17/14 05:24 PM
12/17/14 05:24 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline OP
Member
Sotto  Offline OP
Member
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Being ill (chest infection), home alone and not able to GAL hasn't been good for my PMA! Too much time to dwell on R. Today I feel pretty angry about things. I sat down and wrote a big letter to H (which I won't post.) It boils down to 3 things:

1. How could he ever think it was okay to tell others that our R is over (and that he knows in his future he wants a family) without telling me. He told others back in October and still hasn't told me. How can that be okay??!!!

2. It feels unfair to have incurred the censure/poor opinion of my PIL. H hasn't told them about the A. "It's hard to tell your Ps you had an A." He 'presumes' they know. From the brief, cool tone of their emails, I feel they think I have done something wrong.

3. Money - H Initially said 'just take what you need from the joint account - you know I'm not worried about money". Then, when I asked, he gave me money for a 6 months rental, saying "you really need to be self sufficient after that." Bear in mind I have always earned and contributed to our joint family costs.

I know it was my decision to leave our MH and job, but it was as a result of his infidelity. I texted him today on this one, asking to use the joint account for food & fuel to save me using up my modest savings. Maritally, we are very wealthy - H earns a six figure salary. It's galling for me to be worried about money when he has retained full use of our main house (half paid for by me originally) and our flat in the city, plus his six figure salary. So..

*At what point do I 'call' him on the fact that I know he has told other people our R is over, but not me?

*Do I tackle the PIL issue, saying I'm not willing to feel censure when I have done nothing wrong. Give him a period of time to tell them, if not I will.

I'm feeling many consequences - practical, financial and emotional. And I feel he is dodging them. (Maybe not true, but how I feel) I won't do anything until the New Year, and I know I need legal advice, I'm working up to that - feels like a big step...


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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