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Lifes Twists #2497160 10/15/14 01:05 AM
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Quote:
I swear my wife knows when I am doing something for myself and she does something to interfere.
Excellent advice from the others, LT. If I may, one thing that stands out is the disarray and control fight going on with the trio - your W, the FIL and the lawyer (British cover band name? smile ) When it comes to negotiation, you can't negotiate with an irrational person, but you can be very organized. Organization vs. chaos is very effective and important to getting what you need for the kids. You may or may not need to give up anything to get full custody and the house etc. Or you may need to. As long as you know what is negotiable and what is not (your perspective) and stay organized, you'll navigate it well. Not as quickly as you'd like, but it'll turn out well.

The emotions that your W goes through with all of this is similar to what you are going through + whatever else she is doing. That is only relevant in so much as she will irrationally (to your perspective) react to things as if her life depends on it. For strange things most likely, and possibly not for things you find important. Or that she found important in the past. No rules in that realm. No guessing.

As for the interference. Yeah, they do that. Expect it. Heck, mine still tries to do that kind of stuff all these years later. It happens, but its manageable once you take the emotion out of it. Consider the source.

Doing things for your self when you can is important. Make it a priority and stick to it. It's really helpful to keep that consistency.

Your perspective is really good and I think you'll be more than fine. I think your kids will as well.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJM #2497223 10/15/14 11:37 AM
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Thanks AJ,

I figure the bast thing I can do for now is sit back and let them fight it out. Unless my wife voluntarily signs over authority to her father he has no say. I suspect he is loaning her the money for the lawyer with strings attached since that is what he always has done in the past.

The interesting thing is my wife is becoming more engaged in the kids lives than before this last incident. I found out last night that she took it upon herself to set up an appointment for flu shots for the younger two. She also told the two younger ones she would see them this Friday when she had dinner with them on Sunday. This tells me that she is planning on continuing the Friday Saturday overnight that was arranged before she had this last incident. She is also doing other things that indicate to me that she has no intention of giving up full custody or rights to the girls. She is appearing to be starting to act more like the mother she should be than she has been over the last few months.Last time she disappeared from the girls lives for 6 weeks and then it was a slow thing starting time with her and the girls. This time it has been different. She contacted the girls right away after leaving the hospital and seems more engaged.

I am not going to change what I am doing nor read too much into her actions right now. I will hope and pray that maybe this last incident and time in the hospital will be a positive rather than a negative.


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Lifes Twists #2497937 10/17/14 06:30 PM
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Quote:
I am not going to change what I am doing nor read too much into her actions right now.

^^^^ Good mindset to have.

Have a great weekend LT!


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Lifes Twists #2498649 10/20/14 11:13 AM
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Well I just had first good weekend in a while. Started off by picking up oldest daughter from college on Thursday evening. It was nice having them all in the house together. Fell asleep to them talking and laughing.

Friday we went to a haunted house together. Going to a haunted house or hay ride had been a tradition every year before BD. After we got back the girls went down to spend next two nights with their mother.

Oldest called me Saturday morning to get advice about going back that day to college. Her mother did not want her to go since there had been a riot at the school the night before. I suggest that since the pumpkin festival was that night and for her mothers peace of mind that maybe she go back on Sunday. We were all greatly relieved that she chose not to go back as there was extensive rioting around her dorm with tear gas and rubber bullets. Yes, I am talking about that Pumpkin festival that made national news this weekend.

Sunday morning I helped oldest with an application then drove her back to school. We had a nice drive through the colorful fall foliage on some nice back roads together.

There has been some improvement with my wife. She is starting to engage back in life. My daughter told me they changed her medication and type of therapy this time in the hospital. From the interactions my daughters had this weekend I can see an improvement. I suspect that she started to wake up to loosing everything including her children and got herself admitted this past time. This is an improvement. She used to just give up and not try to fix things in the past.She is also more engaged in the therapy this time. They are working with her to teach her how to get her anger and other emotions out rather than holding them in. What my daughters said was how much fun mom was and how much she interacted with them over the weekend. She also has sent a request through the girls to allow our older dog to come down and spend weekends with them. I don't know if these are signs of her finally coming out of MLC or because of the med changes and improved therapy. I think the fact she reached out for help this time leans toward her starting to realize what she is doing and loosing. My only hope right now is that she can become an engaged mother for her daughters. that will be a vast improvement over where we have been.



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Lifes Twists #2499866 10/23/14 11:32 AM
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So it has been a busy few days.

My oldest called on Monday morning all worked up over her situation and what decision she needed to make. Later she called back and asked middle daughter to come up for the night so off we go to keene again to drop off middle daughter. Older daughter and I talked a bit about her situation. She had talked to a school counselor. She wants to transfer to a different school closer to home. The course she is taking right now would not transfer in for the degree she wants to go into at this new school. Both the counselor and I suggested she consider a leave of absence so she does not shut any doors. She said she would think on it.

Tuesday morning she calls and said she turned in the leave of absence form. So, off to keene I go again to bring her with all her dorm room stuff home. 2 hours each way. This will be 4th drive in 5 days. We get her home and she starts to set up her room again. So now I have all three girls home with me. Nice feeling, but big change from none to one to three again.

Yesterday oldest two girls go off to UCONN to talk to admissions. They recommended oldest come in as undeclared for spring since the program she wants only accepts for fall semester. she then applies to enter program in fall. Middle daughter is going to go and take 2 course in spring and then 2 in summer and then enter next fall as full time. This is all good as the girls can go to UCONN tuition free.

Later in day all three had a fight. Boy what a mine field to traverse with three hormonal teens. Got things settled finally and too them out to get two younger ones winter jackets. Found out they did not have any nor did they last year. Wife never took them to get any nor did she say anything.

All is very quiet with my wife. It is very interesting to watch things unfold following the typical path many MLCers take. Right now she is finally showing concern for the girls and for our older dog. Three girls and dog will be going down to her place tomorrow evening for the weekend. If dog comes back all clean and groomed I will consider it a positive sign. She did ask for shampoo and brush for dog. She was the only person our dog would allow to brush her. They seemed to have some bond that way. I know we are on a long road. I will just keep my distance and let wife find her own way. If she comes out of this and has dealt with many long standing issues then it will be great. if she comes out partially with some issues resolved and better relation with daughter will be great too. Only time will tell.


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Lifes Twists #2500307 10/24/14 03:30 PM
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You sound good LT.

Any plans for the weekend?


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
ericmsant2 #2500350 10/24/14 05:17 PM
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I have to see how my back feels tomorrow. I woke up this morning bent over in pain. Don't know what I did, but lower back in pain. Hoping just muscles. Living on pain killers right now. Supposed to be nice tomorrow.

How about you?


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Lifes Twists #2500352 10/24/14 05:22 PM
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LT,

I hope the back feels better soon. Hope things are settling down a bit for you and that you have a nice weekend.



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Georgiabelle #2500355 10/24/14 05:30 PM
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Sorry about the back dude! I hope it gets better.

Quote:
How about you?

A busy weekend for me....

Tonight I am going to see the Wizard of Oz show.

Saturday I have a surprise birthday to go to.

Sunday, I am testing driving a Lamborghini - a father's day gift from my kids. Apparently, I get a few options to choose from...then drive it around the track for a few laps.

Sunday night...is usually, take it easy or do the old...clean house, pay bills and laundry.

If you need a good Chiro....let me know...there is a guy in Vernon that is excellent.


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
ericmsant2 #2501045 10/27/14 11:41 AM
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Thanks GB and Eric,

Getting back on my feet now. Hate when I tweak the back. never sure if its the back or a muscle.

Other than my back, it was a good weekend. Kids spent two nights with their mother. Everything seems to be going fine. I feel I can now start to relax a bit and get comfortable. I have a good feeling about the way things are going. I am getting more comfortable with the idea of taking off to do things for myself again when the kids are with her.

I don't know if this is typical behavior or what I should think of it. I can see through her actions that my wife is starting to reconnect with my daughters. It comes across as she is showing me and the world that she can be as good a parent as she feels the world sees me right now. Almost a bit like she is competing with me. She offered to let my oldest get a car this weekend and put it on her future insurance plan. This is interesting in that she does not help with the kids right now. She pleads poverty and sends all their bills to me through the kids to get them covered.


Twisting on Life's Rope
Me53
W53
M20
D21 D19 D16
BD 2-2013
D final 1-2015
_________________________
"Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
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