A New Day

[Lifes Twists]

Previous thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2467765#Post2467765

A new thread and a new day.

Thanks for all the kind words and thoughts.

Daughter is doing much better this morning. It is amazing how quickly the vomiting stopped after the procedure. She was able to keep food down for the first time in several weeks.

I feel like I have turned a corner. I have not allowed my wifes actions and issues to dominate my life this time. I am concerned for her like any person would be for another. I don't feel it is the same level that I would have as a husband, but more like a friend.

My concern is how her actions affect our daughters. I think they are angry with her actions right now. I also feel they are starting to come to terms with the idea they may loose their mother if she keeps on her destructive path. I am allowing them to process this. I let them know I am here for them if they want to talk about it.

This afternoon I am off to spend some time with my oldest. She called last night a bit overwhelmed.It has got to be tough going to college with all this other drama going on.

[Matt165]

Hi LT,
So very sorry to hear about all that is happening right now. I have 2 D's (14 and 19) and I know how hard it must be for you to see them in pain. I have great respect for you for being there for your D, helping her through probably the hardest thing she has faced in her young life to date. She is very lucky that she has a MAN like you to help her become the best adult she can. It's the times like this that make all the difference in your kids lives and she will always remember you were there for her and provided the most important thing a parent can give...your love and support. Stay strong LT. You are a shining example of what a good parent is and nothing can ever take that away!

[ericmsant2]

Hey LT

Just checkin in...how you doing?

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Eric,
Thanks for checking in. I can truely say this is the most detached I have been since this started almost two years ago. I don't feel the need to check up on her and how she is doing. I have not even pushed the kids to call or visit her. I do hope she gets help. I also hope she can work on her relationship with the girls. I still find it amazing that they can destroy everything around them.I do think this round in the hospital has been brought on by her starting to realize what she has done. I found out from both my middle daughter and her older sister that she has stated that she feels she has lost her youngest daughter. That her daughter is afraid of her. I hope it is the beginning for her, but I won't hold my breath.

Beyond that I am standing strong for my girls. Tomorrow all three will be here for the weekend. I hope they will have some good time together and put their mothers problem on the back burner for now.

[ericmsant2]

Tomorrow all three will be here for the weekend.

Hopefully you have something fun planned. How far are you from Hartford? I think I saw a few things happening downtown.

I also heard of some "chili" tasting thing on Saturday.

Whatever you decide...just have FUN with them.

Peace
Eric

[Lifes Twists]

I am in Ellington, about 15 minutes to Hartford. I have to wait and see what the girls want to do. Right now they are all fight a virus that is going around.

Where is the chili tasting thing going on?

[ericmsant2]

LT

Ellington....wow....You are literally 10 mins from me. I'm near Highland Park market exit 4, on 384.

The chili event is here....Goggle http://beerandchili.org/

It will be at the CT Old State House in Hartford.

Also a couple of other cool ideas is Nomads in south Windsor, they now have Zip lining.

If finances are tough...I know of a few other activities that you may be interested in.

[Lifes Twists]

Wow, been all around that area. I have lived here for 46 years now, so seen a lot of changes.

Right now i am spinning a bit and trying to digest a phone call i got from my lawyer yesterday. He got a call from wifes lawyer. She is not able to participate in the divorce. Apparently she is going to sign a voluntary conservatorship allowing her father to take over all her affairs. The agreement she had crafted with her attorney that just got sent to mine just before latest crisis is now being rewritten. My attorney said they are turning full custody of my youngest over to me with all decision making as well as determination of visitation.

The funny thing is her attorney thinks she is still in the hospital when I know her sister picked her up on Thursday and is staying with her. She also talked to the girls Thursday evening where she stated she was still going to have 50/50 shared custody.

So nothing jives right now. I suspect her lawyer is running with what her father is directing right now and going on his word. My wife has never said anything good about her father in all the years I have known her. He has never expressed any interest in being a grandfather to our daughters either. Because of this I will have a court fight if he gets control of wife. I suspect her will try and force me to sell house and try and get as much as he can without regard to our daughters well being. I can see him justifying using anything wife gets for his own use since he will be taking care of her. He will use what ever he can to fund his retirement at the expense of others.

I know i need to take a deep breath and slow down. I will have to have my attorney monitor the situation and wait to see where it goes with some pre planning. My thoughts right now are to ask for full possession of the house in place of her paying any child support. I will also ask that there be no alimony. I suspect if he does not agree to this then the court will grant it anyhow given to situation.

[LoisB]

Life,

I like your plan.

We are in similar ships right now. I'm working hard to stay in THIS moment only. In THIS moment, I'm OK.

I would, however, consider carefully the child support issue. Maybe, you get the house and she pays no alimony, but must contribute some child support.

You and I are in similar situations in terms of not being able to rely on co-parenting. You aren't loosening your grip on the child support because you feel badly for her? Are you?

She is sick, but still their mother and owes them something.

[Lifes Twists]

Lois,

No, I am not feeling sorry for my wife. I consider the child support a bargaining chip along with everything else to make sure I try and get what is most important for my daughters followed by myself. Right now I consider the house the most important. My youngest has stated to others that she does not like living in apartments and will stay in the house at least till she graduates high school. I can see that she has some fears that she is having to process right now and that her room is her safe place. I won't allow them to take away the safety that this home represents to my kids right now.

What my lawyer told me the other day and what is going on in real life do not jive right now. If my wife is not supposed to be able to function right now and is supposed to be going to stay with her folks in Florida, why is she going back to her part time job today? I also expect that she is going back to her full time job this week. My guess is her old man is trying to run things with the lawyer like he is in charge. I don't think he or her lawyer know what is really going on. My efforts right now will have to be to keep my attorney from wasting any effort until the dust settles and we have a clear idea of what is going on.

My wife right now is in a phase where she does not want to see me, talk to me or even interact with me even if it concerns the girls. I suspect that she cannot understand why I am handling things and not falling apart. I know this is typical when the LBS does not match the picture they have created for the LBS. That is her problem. I don't plan on chasing her, contacting her or dealing with her. She needs to work on her self and reach out to me when she is ready. Until then I will go on with my life and be the rock for my daughters.