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Originally Posted By: jim0987
I can improve myself but otherwise I feel pretty helpless as my family is ripped apart because she has a crush on a guy at work.
Hear, hear. It's painful to be unable to talk, to argue, to push back, to reason. How liberating it would be to show our wives the wrongness of their way? It makes so much sense to us. We're just a conversation away from saving our M and lives, really. I guess it's the wrong path, but it's awfully painful to stay there and watch, after years of sharing advice. Especially as it's so important.

Sorry, you might have needed advice, but all I have now is empathy...


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I'll take empathy.

Don't get me wrong it hasn't been easy these last few years. Ive been a poor husband buy after beating myself up I'm starting to accept that we were both at fault. I just never questioned that we would get through it


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
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Some advice needed please

So my W is currently shut in her room crying her eyes out and Ive no idea what I should do.


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Originally Posted By: jim0987
Some advice needed please
So my W is currently shut in her room crying her eyes out and Ive no idea what I should do.
Sorry, I just saw that. I suggest: nothing. Let her know that she needs to call on you. She shut herself in for a reason. She needs to feel "safe" that you won't invade her space. You can give her a look of empathy (not imploring!) when she comes out. One thing I've learned is that WAW don't appreciate the help all that much and when they accept it, we end up feeling hurt.

I guess this came way too late. Let us know what happened.


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I would leave her a note or send her an sms that is compassionate. Say that she doesn't need to respond, but you are here if she needs to talk.


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She's on the phone now so hopefully feeling better. It feels like a bit of a missed opportunity to really show I care


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Originally Posted By: Mozza
Originally Posted By: jim0987
Some advice needed please
So my W is currently shut in her room crying her eyes out and Ive no idea what I should do.
Sorry, I just saw that. I suggest: nothing. Let her know that she needs to call on you.



I have a different opinion. A few weeks ago, H told me about a conversation he'd had with someone that upset me greatly. That triggered a floodgate of emotion and I ended up a crying heap on our bathroom floor. When H came to bed and found me, he asked me gently to come to bed and helped me up. It was the beginning of the best conversation we'd had since BD.

Granted, I'm not the WAS here, but I don't see how ignoring her pain is going to help. Woman's perspective.



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So how about an SMS along the lines of

'I hope you're OK. If there is anything I can do or if you just want to talk then I here for you'

Last edited by jim0987; 10/22/14 07:38 PM.

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I agree. If she knows you can hear her crying, this seems like a cry for compassion to me.


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I think that is perfect.


Engaged Aug 2009
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Happily re-engaged July 2012
Discovery of affair July 2014
Separated July 2014
Fiancé is confused about whom to choose
Chose the OW Oct 2014
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