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Shining #2493146 10/01/14 08:35 PM
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job Offline
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Shining's posting is spot on. We discussed some of this "sex" business back in July on one of your threads. You might want to go back and re-read your thread about your questions on sex. If I recall, it was the thread that I encouraged you to go get checked and to practice safe sex.

Shining is correct...it is your decision as to whether you want to continue ML or not...but keep in mind, if he is still in an affair, be it EA or PA, it's cake eating and yes, it's keeping your emotions on the "hook" and you can't detach enough w/this going on unless you can figure out a way to do so w/o expectations.

Again, please protect yourself, no matter what he's told you. It's better to be safe and smart than later on have a gift that keeps on giving pop up during an exam.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Shining #2493153 10/01/14 08:44 PM
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2BHappy Offline OP
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@ Wounded...I'm working on this detachment process:) If a real room mate ask me the same things, I would help and it not be an issue at all, the details would just be details.

@ Shining... I think I've read the same advice someplace on here, when I felt more detached it was great. Then as he started to seem to be paying more attention to me, talking more, not as distant, then I started to want things to move faster...

I don't think there is an OW anymore, he said he ended it in Feb, basically when I caught him. There was no sex for a while, then once it started back I did get tested and told him I was and he should, he told me the A was not PA, I don't believe him, but he said he did not need to be tested.

I did and it was negative, actually I will be having the STD testing again next week.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
2BHappy #2493156 10/01/14 08:48 PM
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Try to remember that his mlc is like a slow moving train trying to go up the side of a mountain. It takes a lot of time for him to get to the top and unfortunately, his clock is moving extremely slow. Yes, it's understandable you want him to proceed at a faster pace, but it's not going to work that way. Dig deeper for more patience and remember....a watched pot never boils.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2493171 10/01/14 09:10 PM
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2BHappy Offline OP
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@Job
I'm trying so very hard.... the longer it takes the less patience I seem to have.

And the Pot, when I look away it's like "look at me". Back and forth, back and forth.

Last edited by 2BHappy; 10/01/14 09:11 PM.

Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
2BHappy #2493274 10/02/14 02:10 AM
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2b you made me laugh with the vision of the pot saying " look at me"!! It is so true.

As far as the sex part, I'm in the same boat as you ( I know you read my thread the other day about our most recent intimate link up). I'm no vet either but I do know MWD says in her book to go for it IF it's not hurting you.
I've decided to take each situation as it unfolds and decide how I feel.
I've said no at times, and I've taken " breaks" when I've told him I need space.
But in my H's case it is such an overwhelmingly strong part of his love language that I think it helps on most occasions. And for me it is a big change as I was not receptive in the ways I should have been previously- so it's an opportunity to show my 180s.
What I have done though- is not initiate touches or try to elicit affection from him. I let him start and then I decide.

Just my 2 cents- it is harder to detach- but I think in some sitchs it can be beneficial.


Me 41 H 40
M 20 T 23
S 19,16, 8 D 13
BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work
BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D
Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015
Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
daring #2493344 10/02/14 11:01 AM
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2BHappy Offline OP
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Hey Daring,

Sex is also my H love language, and its a 180 for me to initiate and be available when he initiates. ML/Sex was one of the things in the past when I was a WAS that was a BIG issue in our M.

We both initiate and I have not turned it down yet.

I guess us LBS just have to remember to not allow the sex/ML to take over our emotions or to make us have expectations that our H cannot deliver on at this time.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
2BHappy #2494092 10/04/14 05:44 AM
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2B, this is a very tough balance you have maintain. Treating you H as a roommate, but at the same time you are having sex… This is very confusing. I don’t blame you for having the emotions… There is a very fine line you have to walk. I don’t even know what kind of advice I can give you. You have to find that medium, you know… You need to learn how to put your feelings aside and not react on them . I can only imagine how tough it can be, but you can do it.


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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2BHappy Offline OP
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Weekend was great. I relaxed and s14and I had great interactions even though s14 was on punishment DB tactics helped my responses to s14.

H did go to college game but made sure to come ti s14game left at 1/2time.
He came home earlier then I expected on sunday we all watched football had dinner and watched movies.
I made sure to keep my feelings to myself...actually I did not have alot of emotions about H ..
Im avoiding sex for now..want to keep my emotions stable.

I was a lil hurt that H made time to go out of town...so made it even clearer that he does take off work for things he wants to do.
i really wanted him to have a great time.
at the same time it helped me to distant a lil more. H is on track to lose a good woman...ME


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
2BHappy #2494567 10/06/14 03:31 PM
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Originally Posted By: 2BHappy
I was a lil hurt that H made time to go out of town...so made it even clearer that he does take off work for things he wants to do.
i really wanted him to have a great time.


You know... I would validate/verbalize that to H.

Something to the tune of... I hope you had a good time, I like knowing you "recharged your battries"

Think of it as he is doing some GAL's himself.


Me: 43
M: 10y
S:15
ILYBINILWY 2/18/13
W moved out 2/18/13
Filed for D: 2/17/13
Got DB: 2/20/13
Got DR: 2/23/13
180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13
D Final Dec '13
woundedfool #2494594 10/06/14 04:56 PM
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2BHappy Offline OP
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I did tell him he would have a great time, and when he got home I ask if he had a nice time, he said he did.

I told him he needed to have some FUN and enjoy himself.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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