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Hi GB

Quote:
D9 refused to go

Be careful here......D9 does not really get to make those type of choices. I am not judging...just saying try not to make it a habit. Right, wrong or indifferent, D9 needs time with dad.

Quote:
X Mr GB wants to know if he can bring the boys back in an hour as they were ready to come home.

Same applies here..... whatever the schedule is, he should stick to it and YOU do not need to rearrange YOUR life. Yep the kids may say they want to come back BUT keeping a consistent schedule is what is best for everyone involved. Now, if your XH does NOT want the kids, then modify the agreement and let him reap the benefits of his choices.

Regards
Eric


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
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Hey GB. Thinking of you. I know you have a tough decision to make. I know you will make the right one. Whatever it is, you will be great!

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Thanks Mighty!

Eric-Thanks for your input. It is always so insightful and I never think you are judging. D9 is my handful. She is extremely bright and has a terrible temper. She has behavioral problems that x Mr GB always said he "hoped would go away." I saw a rainbow yesterday that I hoped had a pot of gold at the end:-). Perhaps Man'ti Teo's gf was holding said pot of gold? D9 was kicked out of pre k and suspended from public school. Private school has helped. I agree that she needs time with her Dad. Her therapist has told me many times that D cannot feel *forced* or *coerced.* When she does, she lashes out-big time. This is not a tantrum rather an epic, full blown meltdown. D is also my size so I can't scoop her up. It's a tricky balance with her and an ongoing challenge. I struggle with what is the best way to help her through difficult situations.

You are right. Ex Mr GB wants to hang out with his gf so he will decide to bring the kids back early. None of his new friends have kids. I admit I feel guilty because the only child x has moderate interaction with is S4. I feel bad for the other 2 so I feel panicky when he says they want to come home. You are 100% correct that I need to do a better job with that. It's strange to think their dad doesn't ask how they are, how school is, etc. Oh well. Can't control him.




Last edited by Georgiabelle; 10/01/14 01:16 AM.


3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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GB, are you kidding?? Your D9 is your size?? I'm picturing that you're either the size of Ariana Gr@nde, or D9 is some kind of super-model-type being.

I'm sorry you have your hands full with her behaviors. I have no doubt that you're doing an incredible job managing the meltdowns. Those are not fun.

You crack me up with the hysterical references.... You remind me of one of my favorite writers.

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Shining,

You make me laugh! The Grande' girl is adorable isn't she? D9 and s4 are amazons for their age although I'm not sure the average age of an amazon. Ex Mr GB is 6'4 and I'm 5'4. D9 is 5'1- not quite the same as me but comparable. Every once in a blue moon, D and I go somewhere and people think we are sisters. I certainly don't look younger and I think it's because we are frequently dressed similarly. S11 is about 2 inches shorter than D which occasionally cause some friction. I remind him that he has the dreamy One Direction hair:-)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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I'm not sure what's up today, but I have the eye twitch going on. I only have that during very trying, stressful times and it's rare that I have it. Eye twitch be gone!!

I hate doing this but I did. On my drive in this am, I wondered if x Mr GB ever regrets his decision. It's a complete waste of brain cells (much like when I discuss who Leo DiCaprio's next model gf will be or make predictions for football games although those wasted convos are fun:). I doubt he will and I certainly never expect an apology. I don't know. I planned on getting married once and while that certainly may hold true, I thought m was forever. It's just strange. Guess I don't get how you can walk out, ignore your kids for the most part (he is taking financial responsibility), take up with a student and act like you are 25. I dunno. It doesn't have to make sense-I get that. Just seems so bizarre to me. To each his own. I understand that. Sometimes I hate logic.

Last edited by Georgiabelle; 10/01/14 02:12 PM.


3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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GB,

Sounds like you have your hands full with D9. I think the only thing you can do for her is to continue to take her to therapy and find ways for her to “cope” with what she is going through. IMO, she needs to see dad, even if it is just for dinner or lunch or something. If you can tolerate having a sit down with your ex, maybe you both take her for lunch every now and then so that she can see her dad.

Quote:
You are right. Ex Mr GB wants to hang out with his gf so he will decide to bring the kids back early.

Habits become behaviors….behaviors drive who you are. My point, the more you allow H to bring the kids back…the more the habit will become his and your behavior. Are the kids safe with him?

Quote:
I admit I feel guilty because the only child x has moderate interaction with is S4. I feel bad for the other 2 so I feel panicky when he says they want to come home.

As a parent of 3 (S20, S19, and D13)….that went through this…I can tell you that the older ones can learn how to manipulate a sitch – if you teach them. What I mean is that… 1) if they are safe and ex is not abusing them…then they NEED dad in their life. Even if that is to learn that they do not want to be like him. 2) you do not want to be in a position later where they throw in your face that you kept them from dad. 3) In my case, the kids learned to manipulate the sitch. They knew how to work the process, which in my case was easy since XW and I do not speak. Once they learn that they can call mom or dad and say this and or that and they will get what they want…the will use it. So be careful. I understand your concern…just make sure that you are not over compensating (I did) for the divorce.

Quote:
You are 100% correct that I need to do a better job with that.

How do you plan to do better? What ideas do you have?

Quote:
It's strange to think their dad doesn't ask how they are, how school is, etc. Oh well. Can't control him.

No you cannot control him but you can control YOU. Your ex make come back around, once his new relationship is more established. That is what happened in my case. My XW was somewhat not around a lot – in part because OM was still married. Once he was divorced my ex could intro him to the kids – so they did not have to “hide” as much. This is another reason why….you want to establish some clear consistent boundaries with your ex.


In terms of how you feel today…..normal. Honestly, sometimes I still have those moments but they as far and few between. You will never understand it. Never. You can though have compassion for them.


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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GB, no waaaayyyy!!! Your eye twitches, too?? Mine hasn't in a long time. It started just before H suicide attempt and continued through sometime mid-summer..... I completely forgot about that!!!

Here's my theory: "Logic" and "crazy" can not exist in the same universe. While they walk among us, they can not relate, communicate, nor see reality. I'm convinced they all drink a secret MLC flavored Kool-aid, which causes a major case of the "F- its". (Rhymes with 'buckets'). This is their alien form of "logic", and also their answer to the question, "should I be doing this?"

What's bizarre to me, is that they can be one person for years, and suddenly flip into exactly what they previously despised. And they get away with it in front of others, who don't see the same extremes. Then I worry that I'm the crazy one....

I'm going with the assumption that some do regret their decisions. I believe they all question their choices at some point, even if they never admit to it.

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Thanks Eric and Shining. I'm not winking at you both, rather the twitch is kicking up. Not sure why....

Eric, you ask the question that I have struggled with for some time. Right before xh moved out, he would talk in his sleep. "I don't want to hurt the kids. Please help me not hurt GB". When I told him of my concerns, he broke down and said he was terrified he was going to physically hurt the children. He would not admit that to psychiatrist and I do know he no longer sees the psychiatrist. Perhaps his stress level is much lower and he has such limited interaction with the kids that those feelings have subsided. I do know he drinks frequently and OW is in college so he has no idea that I know about her. He says and I quote, " we will never introduce OUR children to other people." I feel ridiculous having typed that whole paragraph because it sounds like something you see on a sketchy talk show. It seems so crazy. This is also why I struggle with him wanting to bring them back. Is he getting frustrated with them? Is he getting frustrated? The longest he's been with them since moving out is 21 hours and that was 2 kids. This is a topic xh stonewalls on..... I have just said that the children's well being and safety is my number 1 priority. I was extremely close to my Dad so it's not that I don't want them to see their dad. It is also just about the only time I get to myself unless you count work:-)

I don't know. Here's a big old paragraph of assumption. Maybe he puts on a mask and he seems okay for the 2 minutes I see him. I am assuming he feels a relieved level of stress. No kids all the time. No me. Heck he even brought his dog back for this week because "he's a lot of work." Xh goes to work, plays video games, hangs out with OW and drinks. I do know that for a fact. I'm sure the R helps with his depression although I find it hard to believe he was magically healed by leaving? I don't know. I mean he said some just crazy caca before he left. A mutual friend said that he says OW makes him believe in love and that several You Tube videos have made him cry. I'm not particularly romantic so I can't relate to this. I know he loves the kids as best he can, however he is very disconnected with them. Obviously, I can't fix that. I guess I feel like I need to keep a watchful eye if anything seems amiss. Maybe he is stabilizing? Maybe he's happy? Maybe I was a big part of the problem? I don't know. This is quite possibly the most sensitive person I've known in my life. And his tweets? Those can make me feel ill so that is my way of seeing how his mental health seems. I realize that sounds crazy too.

Sorry for the downward dog sound today. Can't quite figure it out. Thanks for your support and thoughts.

Last edited by Georgiabelle; 10/01/14 03:03 PM.


3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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GB,
My little eye twitch flares up about once a week. When I feel it I think back to what my brain is doing. Usually, I am worrying, being obsessive or not being detached. I chose to think of it as my body telling me to calm the heck down and relax.


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
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