Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 148
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 148
Too true.. My old job didn't really care about anyone shaving so it was good for me when I got lazy.. Saved cash on blades too!!..

It's all about the confidence and the outer look for me now.. I have always been an outgoing person, but it's time to step it up to being "the man she would be a fool to leave".. Great for the confidence too when other ladies notice (even though I'm not interested in the slightest!!)..


Me:35 W:31
S6 + S9
T: 10 years M: 7 years
BD: 7/2014
S: 8/2014
W has new BF: 12/2014
Still fighting the good fight!!..
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 205
S
South74 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 205
It's my 40th birthday and one thing I was dreading was either no text or a text from WAW.

I did get a text and it said " happy birthday , we had some great years together you were always good to me I'm sorry I made the year [censored] but I hope next year is better for you and I also hope one day we can get along again "

Trying not to read to much into it but the great years comment does contradict a lot of what she has been saying .

Ain't got a clue what to respond back with .

Was going to say something about thanking her for the great years we had and that whatever happens we had two beautiful amazing kids together .


Me 40
W 37
Together 22 years
S18
D12
WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months
W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life
After the 2 weeks she has left .
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 708
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 708
Happy Birthday, South!
No need to respond to her, but if you feel that you should, you can just write "Thanks!" and leave it at that.

Then go enjoy your day and try not to fixate on her and her message.


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 205
S
South74 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 205
Had a great birthday .
My son spoke to me earlier about his concerns that his mum is trying to buy D affections and he thinks that her plan is to get D to side with her and get the house .
And he is worried it would be just him and me . I said to him that even if that happened then we would be ok and just get a place on our own .

What has my WAW done to my amazing kids for them to think these things .


Me 40
W 37
Together 22 years
S18
D12
WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months
W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life
After the 2 weeks she has left .
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 205
S
South74 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 205
All

Here's a very big question .

W has said she I willing to sign her share of the house over to me for nothing , reasons are W doesn't want to cause me or the kids anymore upset and doesn't want me or the kids to loose the house .

If I went ahead with this would it be not keeping the road smooth for her return?
Would I be burning that bridge?

South


Me 40
W 37
Together 22 years
S18
D12
WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months
W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life
After the 2 weeks she has left .
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
Gut reaction is that it doesn't burn a bridge because it can always be signed back later. I would say that its only burning a bridge if its irreversible.

Plus its probably better for your kids and much as though we want to fix our marriages I think we have to have prioritise providing a safe and stable home for the kids.

Or to put an alternative slant - if she didn't and you had to move then that could be an even harder route back


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 205
S
South74 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 205
How do I handle this ?

Daughter has just spent her 1 hour with mum and W has started the guilt trip about not seeing her performing and going on about how her sister is getting upset at not seeing her and her brother since the [censored] hit the fan .
This has been made worse because I have rennected with my family who are helping out a lot. My W never got along with anyone in my family and over the years we have lost contact .

W made a comment to my D about I see you have got your new best friends ( which is aimed at my sister ) and D asked what she meant and wife replied with her name to my D . So D told her to go away in jerky movements . Basically foxtrot off.

My dilemma is W caused this and her sister was fully involved as in going out with W when she was meeting over man .

So I have real issues with my Ws sister also .

When W left she made it very clear she didn't want to see or hear from me .
If her and her sister come to a showcase it's a small venue and I won't be able to avoid them .

This is 3 weeks after she left and I'm not really wanting to be anywhere near her let alone sat in a bar etc with her and her sister.

Problem is daughter won't go with them and wants me to go but I just can't do that at the moment .

I know I should take the high road and just agree but I won't be able to be civil . I won't say or do anything but my face and eyes will be so sad or angry about what has happened that I don't want daughter to be out in that situation .

I want to say to daughter that's it just to soon for this sort of thing to happen .

Any help or advice much appreciated .

South


Me 40
W 37
Together 22 years
S18
D12
WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months
W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life
After the 2 weeks she has left .
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
Ouch - that's a tough one and it doesn't sound like your W is making things easier for a 12 year old girl. I wouldn't worry about how your wife perceives it and would just focus on what your D needs. Would she like to have her mom at one of these events? How frequent are the showcases? Is there any chance of rotating them for a while?


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 205
S
South74 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 205
Originally Posted By: raliced
Ouch - that's a tough one and it doesn't sound like your W is making things easier for a 12 year old girl. I wouldn't worry about how your wife perceives it and would just focus on what your D needs. Would she like to have her mom at one of these events? How frequent are the showcases? Is there any chance of rotating them for a while?


D wants us both there I'm happy for D to go with her mum but daughter doesn't want that .
I'm trying to explain to D that I'm not happy being in the same place as W . But D can't understand why .


Me 40
W 37
Together 22 years
S18
D12
WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months
W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life
After the 2 weeks she has left .
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
Well, I think your instinct that you need to take the high road is correct, regardless of the pain it might cause you, unless you think you might actually get in a fight with her.

My .02 is to send your W an email - tell her its important to D that you both be at one of these events ( and maybe suggest one that is at least a couple weeks away to give you more time to emotionally prepare)and that you are prepared to spend an hour in the same room with her for D's sake and are not really expecting to interact.

Again, just my .02.


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard