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fthnluv Offline OP
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Spoke to H today (very briefly, he actually only called to talk to the kids, the entire phone call was only 4 minutes) and he said he is going to call me tomorrow to go over some questions I had last week. I imagine it's about the date of separation that I want corrected and/or the IRS deal we had in progress.

I'm dreading the phone call, to be honest. I not only don't want to talk about the next steps needed towards our divorce but also I hate that I can no longer hear any care or concern for me in his voice.

I also think he may tell me he is backing out on coming home to be here for our D4's 5th birthday party. I realize that he's in a self centered mode, I just hate that it's possible that the kids will have to be hurt by his choices already. If he does come I will vow to be polite and friendly to him and to tell my family to do the same, as any uneasiness will cause him not to want to do these events together in the future (which I really want to try to do, for our children, and yes, even so I can see him if I'm being completely honest).

Wish me luck or pray for me if you can. I need to start my mirror work too...


Me- 40 H- 41
S8, D5, S4
M 19 y T 23
Bomb drop 6/2013
H asked for/filed for D 9/2014
22 yo OW discovered 9/19/14 they're engaged and living together
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fthnluv Offline OP
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H didn't call today. No surprise there, typical behavior for him and MLC I'm sure. I am on pins and needles waiting to see what he wants to talk to me about though. I go see a lawyer here in my state tomorrow about what I need to do to protect myself and my kids in the meantime with the D pending in PA. I understand I can file for custody and support here in the meantime. I hate to do it because it makes it look like I want to proceed forward with D (which, surprisingly with the OW in the picture, I somehow still do not) but I have to protect my kids.

I also have been plagued with thoughts about whether or not he has been faithful to me over the last 23 years (with the exception of the last 1-2 when he was away from home and clearly, in my opinion, in the beginning stages of MLC). I guess part of me thinks that if I find that he has been unfaithful to me at points all along he may not be worth standing for. The other part of me truly believes in H and what God can do when he truly gets into a heart of a person, which I believe will be necessary for our reconciliation at all so it may be a moot point. If H straightens up, repents and wants to reconcile, does it really matter if he cheated on me for 23 years? I'm torn on this issue and, frankly, I have no idea if I could even find out for sure anyway. God knows H won't tell the truth, that's been proven, and his "wing woman" (as I found him call her in a text between him and an ex-employee) from the past who used to be a good friend of mine (but certainly more of his) may be an affair partner or one who covered up previous affairs... or not, who knows. Does it really matter?


Me- 40 H- 41
S8, D5, S4
M 19 y T 23
Bomb drop 6/2013
H asked for/filed for D 9/2014
22 yo OW discovered 9/19/14 they're engaged and living together
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
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ft,

uR wrote an amazing post on my thread....if you get a chance, pop over there and read it. I think it may be of help to you, as well.... smile

(((((Hugs))))))

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fthnluv Offline OP
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So timely, Shining. I just spent the last few hours, on an off, reading your threads. I see many similarities in our stories as you mentioned. I need to figure out how to attach myself to your thread so I don't miss your updates.

I am trying to detach... dang that's a beeooottch! How do you do it? One day, one hour, one minute at a time, I suppose.


Me- 40 H- 41
S8, D5, S4
M 19 y T 23
Bomb drop 6/2013
H asked for/filed for D 9/2014
22 yo OW discovered 9/19/14 they're engaged and living together
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
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Yeah... Idk. I'll tell you as soon as I know how to detach. Dang, it succcks.

I'm getting off of that down-swing side of the roller-coaster. I'm sure I'll hit it again, but it seems to become less severe each time.

One of my favorite phrases I hear on this board is to become the woman "only a fool would leave." That sounds like a great idea. I'm gonna do that. He is a fool, and so is yours. smile

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fthnluv Offline OP
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LOL! The funny thing is, when we were talking about how our R had hit a "bump" I had thoughts in my head that went a little something like this: "he's crazy to leave you! If he leaves you there will be a line of men at your door the next day!" which people tell me is true, I'm a good person and I'm pretty attractive (gosh, that sounds bad but if I can feel good about ANYTHING these days I'll take it!) and fun to be around. The sad part is, as soon as he decided he didn't want me anymore those half-joking, self defense motivated thoughts of the past were replaced by "even if that's true, I still only want H". What a fool! (wait, am I talking about me or him? laugh )


Me- 40 H- 41
S8, D5, S4
M 19 y T 23
Bomb drop 6/2013
H asked for/filed for D 9/2014
22 yo OW discovered 9/19/14 they're engaged and living together
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
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Posts: 910
Ha!! I have no doubt in my mind, you would have a following...a gaggle of guys, even. I'm glad you recognize it, and it's NEVER bad to think or say!

My H kept telling me (even up to last Friday when he brought up the D word) that I'm very beautiful on the outside....he used to say I'm equally beautiful inside, but Friday, he spewed, "you're very beautiful on the outside. But I've seen your insides." LOL. He's a doozy......yup.

Yeah...I get what you mean....are they fools for leaving? Or, being the sane ones....we must be the fools for staying!! (No, I'm kidding....uR puts it so well in my thread).

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I spent the first year or two after bomb so worried about my kids and feeling I was forever giving them a terrible life because xh was leaving.

I have come to trust God more and know that he is not giving my kids more then they can handle.

That I can reach my children how to deal with hard times.

I can show them what real love feels like.

My kids and I are blessed. Our lives are gifts.

I know now that my kids are not deprived because I am divorced


----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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fthnluv Offline OP
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Just wondering... does anyone have any advice or BTDT on whether or not I should pursue the idea of finding out if H has been unfaithful for many years vs just since his MLC started? I'm sure some of you have some experience here...


Me- 40 H- 41
S8, D5, S4
M 19 y T 23
Bomb drop 6/2013
H asked for/filed for D 9/2014
22 yo OW discovered 9/19/14 they're engaged and living together
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
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Posts: 910
I can't offer advice....

Question, what would change if you found out yes? Or if you found out no?

It may only cause you more, unnecessary pain to know, idk.

Is your state a no-fault D state?

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