Wifes severe depression, MLC, and suicide attempt

[Lifes Twists]

Thanks GB thats about what I was looking for.

So this morning I get email from wife that her attorney has sent the divorce decree to my attorney for me to review. She asked me to look it over as soon as possible as neither of us can afford to keep this going.

My response back was to ask her if she had contacted the co parent counselor we are obligated to by the court agreement we have in place. I told her we could be held in contempt. My attitude right now is that if she cannot honor the present agreement why will she honor any other.

I don't know if this is DBing, but what else can I do.

[ericmsant2]

LT,

It must be tough after two years to not have co parenting with your ex. How do you even do it?

After two years? It’s been longer than that and I do not co parent with my ex. I parallel parent. Big difference. I learned that nothing I say do, do not do, do not say…will really matter. Nothing will change her expect her. It’s called DETACHEMENT.

So you can parent your kids – even when your partner is on another planet. Not easy…but not easy does not mean impossible.

I wish her the best, but will move on and go forward without her.

The best thing you can do for YOU and the kids.

Best of luck in the future self employment endeavors. My best buddy owns his own business and it is tough, especially the first few years.

I need help from the Ladies. This may even be a subject that has not been discussed here before.

LOL…This cracked me up. It brought back some funny memories of the time I had to show my daughter how to shave her pits.  What a great time. LT, you are gonna learn a lot dude. Keep asking.

So this morning I get email from wife that her attorney has sent the divorce decree to my attorney for me to review. She asked me to look it over as soon as possible as neither of us can afford to keep this going.

My response back was to ask her if she had contacted the co parent counselor we are obligated to by the court agreement we have in place. I told her we could be held in contempt. My attitude right now is that if she cannot honor the present agreement why will she honor any other.

Since we live in the same state….I assume you mean the co parenting class that is required by the state PRIOR to the state granting a divorce. If it is, I can tell you that you will not be in “contempt” but your case will be moved to a later date. In CT, both parents have to attend the parenting class, which honestly imo is a joke. I suspect that you are expecting her to adhere to the things taught in the class. Don’t. You will be setting yourself up for disappointment.

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Eric,

No it is not the parenting class. She did that. Because of her suicide attempt DCF did an investigation. I was left with either seeking full custody or getting a court agreement in place. Within that court agreement is a stipulation that we will attend co parent counseling. It spells out who with, how often and when it will be considered done. My wife stood in court and said that she read the agreement, was not forced into it, understood it, and agreed to it. Now she won't follow it. My attorney is ready to file a motion of contempt because he knows if it goes to court she will loose and she will also be compelled to pay his fees as well as her attorneys fees.

[ericmsant2]

Life

I have not read your whole sitch so I have a few questions...

Did you try and secure full custody or at least primary residence?

What do you want for the kids?

Do you really feel like your W will be able to co parent?

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Eric,

Per the agreement we have shared custody with the kids staying with me for 5 nights and 2 with her. Should the kids call because of a crisis I have the right to go in and get them. She has the right to participate in decisions, but I have final say concerning the kids.

What I want for the kids is to know at the end of the day that I was there for them and that I did not try to destroy their mother. They can draw their own conclusions about their mothers behavior.

I don't know if she will be able to co parent. I think I have to go through this exercise to determine that. Ultimately if the counselor says it is not possible at least I have made the attempt and followed the court order. I have found the easiest way to get done with these state agencies and the court is to work with them and follow their directions.My wife does not seem to understand this and it has and probably will cost her.

[ericmsant2]

Life

Good luck man. Sounds like you have everything under control.

[Lifes Twists]

Thats what the little boy thought while sticking his finger into the whole in the dike.

[ericmsant2]

Lol. Good one.

[Mighty]

Hey LT,

Just checking in. I hope you are doing well. Sorry your projects have come to a halt. I hope you can find something else to do that keeps your mind busy.

It seems like you are making plans and doing a good job with GAL. That's half the battle IMHO.

Good luck with the girls. I was 19 when I had my s. It can be tough, but when I went back to school, I was really focused. I know I had to take advantage of the opportunity. I would see some college kids coming in hung-over or skip class... I had to get down to business. I am sure she will work it out.

I hope she is able to be true to herself. Make sure you reinforce that. She can't *save* this guy. It is up to her to look out for herself and her baby. He needs to step up.

I remember when I told my mom I was pregnant, she handed me the newspaper and said, look for an apartment. She said, you want to act like a grown-up, you will be one. Some may think it was mean, but it was the best thing she could have done for me.

I still had a bit of a child-like mentality and it opened my eyes and matured me quickly. We struggled for a while. It was tough, but I worked very hard and live a pretty comfortable life now. Nothing extravagant, but way better than when I started out!

Sorry to hijack.... just thought I'd share. Hang in there, LT.

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Mighty,

Thanks for offering your insight.I feel much like your mother did. Unfortunately a lot of it is out of my control because of my wife and his parents. I fear she will be carried along for a while and not learn the lessons from this that you learned. I think my biggest concern if she goes forward with this is that he won't grow up and will eventually run. I will probably then have to help my daughter and pick up the pieces. Right now I feel she won't be true to herself and get talked into something she may not want to do. She had accused her sister of doing this in the past. I will have to remind her in the future when she complains about her sister.

To fill in for all the stopped projects I have decided to start my own company. I have acquired the design software I use as an engineer. Once I get it up and running I will translate my paper sketches to finished products that I will prototype and hopefully take out St Louis to show at a trade show and get things rolling.