Thanks Kat and Shining. I had a fun night. Went to cooking class, and they taught us how to make breakfast meals and the craft beers that go with them - funny, I generally do not worry about which beer should go with my breakfast, but ok. I did find a new favorite stout beer - Nitro Milk Stout, made by Left Handed brewing. It's really tasty.
They also taught us how to make a couple kinds of biscuits. And a delicious Andouille sausage gravy. I can do this! ------------ So I felt kinda weird all day. No contact from W, and its our 22nd anniversary. Another badge of stupidity for me - W and I got married on my parent's 40th anniversary. So I went over to my parent's for lunch, gave them hugs on their 62nd anniversary, but while everyone in the family is happy for my parents, but there is a cloud of what is going on in my marriage which puts a shadow on the whole day.
So W called me after my cooking class. And progress, she called me her "soon to be ex-husband"! She admitted that we are still married! W sounded nervous, and she wanted to get off the phone as soon as she called me. But I had to talk to her about details of dealing with s13 and d17, that I needed to talk to her about.
So I was upbeat, and calmly talked to her about pick up time for s13 tomorrow, and whether d17 was still coming over to stay on Saturday and Saturday night. It was like a game, W wanted to go, but I would find another subject to talk to her about, mostly dealing with our kids. Finally, I allowed her to leave the torture of speaking to her husband, and ended the call. It was weird, I don't know what is going on with W, but something was up. Only time will tell.
So I am thinking further about when W last night called me her "soon to be ex-husband", which she has never called me before. It is not something she would normally say (remember, she refused to say the "d" word when we were together) and I am guessing that she is on a support board for separated/divorced women similar to what DB is for me. I am hoping she has some support system to help her in getting through the day, and making the many tough choices she is facing. Or it could be something one of her dates said - that's the thing, who knows?
Before I receive a 2x4, I know, stay out of my W's head and stop trying to guess what she is thinking about. Keep the focus on me and my kids.
A-So I am thinking further about when W last night called me her "soon to be ex-husband", which she has never called me before. It is not something she would normally say (remember, she refused to say the "d" word when we were together) and I am guessing that she is on a support board for separated/divorced women similar to what DB is for me. I am hoping she has some support system to help her in getting through the day, and making the many tough choices she is facing. Or it could be something one of her dates said - that's the thing, who knows?
B-Before I receive a 2x4, I know, stay out of my W's head and stop trying to guess what she is thinking about. Keep the focus on me and my kids.
Owwww! Another punch in the gut from W. I spoke to W last night and she told me d17 would come stay at my place on Saturday and Saturday night (s13 comes with me for the weekend on Friday after school.) When I got to W's place, W does a flip and says to d17 that she has to go tonight instead. W's mantra is always "I need some time to myself!"
Here's the uncomfortable part - d17 responds to W "You know that you're not going to be alone tonight." W looks at me and I give her a sad shake of my head and I walked out.
As we were all going to my car W shouts out from the upstairs window that her best friend was about to become a first time grandmother, the water just broke. And then she added "that's what I have planned for tonight."
D17 gets in the car with me and says "how stupid does she think we are?" This is a tough encounter to take, because now it is so clear to even my sweet, pure d17 what my W is doing with her life. I know my feelings are strong enough right now that I want to end this pain. But feelings are deceptive, aren't they?
What hurts me the most by my W's actions is what it has done and is doing to our children. D20 stays with me, and has little contact with W. D18 was so upset by W's being on dates every night last spring with younger men, that she fled to school in another state. D17 told me last night that W continues to be out on most nights, and that she is upset.
And now our sweet d17, who as a youngin' would come out of the bath with a hooded towel and tell us "I'm Mother Theresa, I'm Mother Theresa", is being torn apart because of W's lifestyle. She has strong faith, and she lets W know that she disapproves. S13 was having nightmares all night, and screamed "Mom what are you doing?", and "Daddy don't!" It's too much to take. I see my family being torn apart from me one-by-one.
After a poor night's sleep, I am of a mind to find out from W if she is seeing someone special, or merely continuing to play around. I will serve divorce papers on her if she has found an OM. But if she is continuing to play around, then I will confront her and tell her she is acting crazy and discuss with her what her actions are doing to our kids. I want our youngest two children to be with their mother, but if she cannot see that they are more important than her catching up on what she feels like that she has missed out on life, then I will explore other options for our kids. Including taking them away from her.
W was supposed to pick up d17 from my place before dinner time today. W calls me up and tells me she thinks either d17 or s13 took her car keys . The keys are lost again, 2nd time this week, and 3rd time in the past couple of weeks (this includes her having to retrieve her keys from a dumpster). After I had the kids check their keys to see if they accidentally took W's keys, they did not, and so I had d17 call W about this, and then d17 told me W was sobbing at the end of their conversation.
So I spoke with d17 on the ride back and told her she should be gentle with W because of what she is going thru, meaning she should not pick fights. And if she ever needs a break, I told her to please call me and I would love to spend more time with her and have her over. She told me she appreciated it.
So a nice moment this morning at my place. I made caramel rolls for breakfast, and d20, d17 and s13 were eating, and d18 called from Boston, and we each got to speak with her. It was nice to have all 4 kids be around, to laugh, and help me remember what our family is about.
OK, I'm feeling like I need a chuckle today, and I hope that you will share it with me. I have put together a list of the craziest things I have encountered with my W's MLC. I hope that what I share will not only give you a smile, but also help you in facing whatever craziness you are facing with your MLC spouse. Here is Number 4 on my craziest things I have faced in my W's MLC:
4. W Encouraging Crazy Rich Old Guy on FB and with her telephone conversations. 2nd guy that gave me sleepless nights – he was so disrespectful to her by posting on her FB page saying “I paid for her”, speaking of a photo shoot. W hits it off with this guy with telephone conversations as he likes cats, and is also a photographer. Crazy Rich Old Guy eventually surprises W by flying in from California unannounced and stalks her for a few hours at her photo studio (she was not there). W responds by fleeing to another bf’s house to spend the night.
W doesn't even let me know what's going on, other than to ask me to take care of driving responsibilities for d17's orthodontist appointment and s13's practice. Crazy Old Rich Guy offered to give W her choice of anything at the local nice jewelry store, if she just had lunch with him, which she declined. When she told him that he was too old for her, she thinks he got a facelift for her. After this event, W tells me she broke off all contact with him, and he apologized for scaring her.
number 5 on my list of the Craziest Things I've Experienced Through My W's MLC (yes, these are true stories). This one is about me, and my one attempt to date a young woman:
The date started with me predictably, I got lost on the way there (you should know I get lost all the time, but really this time it was Google Maps fault!) So I was 35 minutes late for the date, I know how to impress the ladies don't I?
So the date starts out with her bringing her dog, a Doberman Pinscher, and she tells me that he is coming along with us?! He is a good guard dog, and she wuvs him so much! So she puts him in the back of my car, and while we're driving he is whining the whole time.... It only gets worse!
So instead of being the funny, flirty woman I had a few emails and chats with, she clams right up. She says she's nervous at the restaurant, so I hold her hand and try to assure her we are going to have a fun night. She didn't even hold my hand back, she just kept it flat, kinda odd? But then I tried talking to her, and I am a trained Discussion leader, I know how to get someone else talking. But I found her to be the insurmountable Mt. Rushmore. Here is an example - Me: Oh, you saw the movie 'Gravity', I haven't seen it. Did you like it? Her: Yes. Me: Oh, what did you like about it? Her: Everything. I liked all of it.
After three more of her responses of liking "all" of something rather than giving me any discussion, or asking me any questions, things got worse, Then she started complaining about the people in her life. Aye!!! I then decided I was going to have fun with this. We had the most polite server ever. Every time I would say 'thank you', she politely would say "your welcome", but I would say three thank you's as she took away three plates, she would say "your welcome" each time. So I clued my date on what I was doing, and I thought I could find a way to break our server. I said, "thank you, thank you so much", a double thank you, there is no way she could defeat that. But the server easily got past my feeble attempt by saying, "your welcome. You are so welcome." I finally got a smile out of Miss Date.
So for some reason Miss Date brings up the topic of Russia, and that we should leave Russia alone until Russia invades America. Well, at least she's talking now??? Then she calls President Obama a Muslim, after I told her I'm not really into discussing politics. So I decided to egg her on, asking her "so you must really appreciate President Obama being our leader right now, because he will never stand up to Russia, right?" She just about leapt out of her chair, she got so mad at my question. I laughed and told her I was "egging" her on, but she then went on a tirade about how she can't wait until our President leaves office.
Now she also ordered King Crab legs. Not a big deal. But what made this unbearable, is that she wouldn't use the leg cracker the restaurant provided to open the legs. So every crab leg was torn apart, which made it take sooooooo much longer, and without good conversation, I was looking for the camera filming this because it had to be a prank. I hope that you all are laughing with me at this.
So the best laid plans of mice and men, no I wouldn't even escort her back to her door because of the darn dog! Not even a hug or a kiss. She did email me later that night saying that she thought the date went well. Lord, I am not ready for a dating life. Sigh...
My W called me today, and called me "hun". It's her first use of a pet name for me in over 2 months. She must really like me!
I'm sorry for the sarcasm. She said she can't pay her rent and so was out looking to find some money from people who owed her. She told me a couple of week's ago that her only paying client for her photography business was the boy with brain cancer, and his senior photo shoot. So her new business idea of dating website photos does not seem to be taking off.
