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Originally Posted By: Maybell
I'm so glad you had that conversation. How are you feeling now?


I don't know exactly. It would be fun to feel hopeful, but I don't. I'm afraid it's too late for us. H had previously told me he was "moving in a different direction" (OW). Last night he reiterated that he thought we were "going in different directions". I don't know where he thinks I am going, but it seems like our roads aren't crossing just yet.

I am wistful we didn't figure this out a few years ago before OW. In MC the other day, he said that this would not have come to a head if he hadn't started a R with OW. So had we corrected this before she came along, we'd have had a much better shot at staying together.

I am pleased that both of us took the chance to open up and share and that we both responded appropriately. It gave me a glimpse of what could be someday. Maybe with H, maybe with someone else.

I'm just all over the place with it.



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I think your attitude is healthy but I also think it's too soon to say it's too late. Sit with what you've heard from him for a while and keep moving forward the way you were. He can't unhear what you said either. He may feel dug in at the moment, but the future is long and life is uncertain. Your sitch is pretty new. smile

I'm interested to hear what happens next.


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Originally Posted By: rppfl


I don't know exactly. It would be fun to feel hopeful, but I don't. I'm afraid it's too late for us. H had previously told me he was "moving in a different direction" (OW). Last night he reiterated that he thought we were "going in different directions". I don't know where he thinks I am going, but it seems like our roads aren't crossing just yet.



I'm guessing just about every person on these boards has had these thoughts, however some of the situations do seem to eventually lead to reconciliation. Certainly, his relationship with the OW will have to play out first though. I've read from numerous sources how men usually don't actually leave unless there is someone waiting in the wings. His having another relationship muddies the waters too much to work on yours. Since most affairs eventually end, you'll have to see who he is then(if you are still willing at that point).

BTW - I could have written your post about not being allowed to be human- although my H reacted with wounded feelings instead of anger. I felt that if I didn't pick the perfect words to express a concern, his feeling would be hurt - so I just stopped expressing concerns.

Last edited by raliced; 09/30/14 04:02 PM.

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Abrasive to him? Yes, as noted above. Abrasive to the kids? Not in my opinion, but I'll watch for it.

Always had to have my way? I kind of feel the opposite, that he pretty much always got his way. But again, I heard it, didn't get defensive, and I'll keep an eye out for it.

I was told I always got my way too. Something I learned was that your S will rememeber it as you having it your way EVEN if he got his way but you grumbled about it or didnt whole heartedly agree with it.


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I wrote a post that got lost in this morning's downtime.

In a nutshell, my H said pretty much the same things and he was right about most of them I'm sorry to say. I'm glad you were able to hear what your H had to say without being defensive. That's a big step forward. Everyone we meet can teach us something about us.

We don't know what the road ahead holds for us, but what you each shared can certainly make whatever R you have better.

Don't spend to much time worrying about the past, look forward with your new skills and knowledge. We can't fix whats gone but we can make the future better.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
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Originally Posted By: labug

In a nutshell, my H said pretty much the same things and he was right about most of them I'm sorry to say.



So labug, how did you deal with what you recognized about yourself? Awareness is a first step, but where do I go from here?



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So last night was back to limbo. Dinner, quiet evening with the girls. Nothing special. I do know that H finally went to counseling on his own yesterday, and he said they "talked about a lot", but I don't know what that means exactly. He said their next session was in two weeks, and that's supposed to be after we tell the kids. I told him that was probably good, that there might be things that he needed to process after we tell them. So, I'm happy he's finally getting some counseling on his own, hopefully that will help him figure out what he really wants. I don't know anything about the counselor, he may be pro M, he may be anti M or anywhere in between. He may be telling H to run for the hills and have fun with OW while he can. I know that my IC seems to have a view that I will be in a great R someday and that it probably won't be with H. She's not encouraging me to end it by any means, but maybe thinks she's being realistic and I'm not?? Not sure, she's not pushy about it so maybe it just falls under the category of considering possibilities and expanding horizons.



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rp,

I really struggled with not knowing if H's IC was pro or anti marriage. It's just another part of the uncontrollable puzzle.

I think your outlook is fabulous.

Keep hanging!


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
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Originally Posted By: Ss06
I think your outlook is fabulous.

Keep hanging!


Thanks, SS. I have a lot of good days. Two nights ago, I was a crying heap on the bathroom floor. Literally. But today is good! ;-)



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Glad to hear that today is good! Hang in there-- you will have lots to process this week too. We are here!


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T 8 M 6
BD 10/2013

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