2BHappy,you are lucky that the virus is dormant. Your doc is right, there might be a lot of people carrying it and don’t even know it. Think positive. Live like you don’t have it. Don’t give it too much thought. Watch for the symptoms, but don’t let the fear into your life.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
My sisnlaw ask where my ring was...started that emotional rollercoaster going I lied and told her it got ran over my vaccum cleaner and needed to be repaired. She saw right thru the lie and told me to just say it dont fit if someone else ask me.
I told her how about I tell the truth, I bet that would end the converstation.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
H sleep in the basement last night, never came up to bed until I got out of bed!!!!!
So Im feeling really off about this,,,anyway...it could be becuase he said I keep it too cold in our bedroom (recently told me that when I ask him to keep fan on) or just not
So Im home today, once I dropped off s14 at bus H went up to bed, so Im in basement, heard H get up get in shower, grab keys,,I passed him in kitchen neither one of us said a word,,,WTH
He got in car and left,,,,
No idea what is up now, I guess if I dont speak 1st he dont speak,,,I did not speak cause I was hurt about him sleeping in basement...
He was really supportive a couple days ago when I really needed it, I know I should be puttin on a happy face and acting like Im the happiest person in the dam world.
I shower and was going to thru on fresh PJ's instead I made myself get dressed,,,
The things I want to say I should not, need not to.
I dont know,,,this hurts,,,this really really really hurts. I dont want to keep feeling like this, him not sleeping in bed, not speaking should NO longer affect me like this,,,
He is comfortable ,,,no reason for him to make any real changes,,,or to even try
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
I dont know,,,this hurts,,,this really really really hurts. I dont want to keep feeling like this, him not sleeping in bed, not speaking should NO longer affect me like this,,,
You seem to be really focused on the actual act of slumber together.
Can you give some thoughts on that.
This is going to come off really, really bad but.... I have been sleeping so much better solo, I don't know if it was because my exW had to have certain temperatures, fans, sheets, comforters, heating blankets, tv on in the background, memory foam this and that, a bedtime lotion, sometimes the right side, sometimes the left side.... and a laundry list of all sorts of other things
Why don't you use this as a experiment and monitor? Start peeling away some of the layers of things that you may or may not do for actual sleep.
Me: 43 M: 10y S:15 ILYBINILWY 2/18/13 W moved out 2/18/13 Filed for D: 2/17/13 Got DB: 2/20/13 Got DR: 2/23/13 180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13 D Final Dec '13
I sleep better with him in bed. I would like to spoon (until I get hot, then back to my side of the bed)
He complains about how cold I have the room, window open, fan on, no heavy blankets just a sheet.
He probably sleeps better in bed without me.
I want a better M a better R NOW. (stopming my feet like a child)
He came to basement and came up with needing help to find something , then talking about bills and christmas, then son football,,,, then asking me to help him find some new jeans,,,etc
Last edited by 2BHappy; 10/17/1405:07 PM.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Please don't take this as a "Your at Fault!" type post:
Originally Posted By: 2BHappy
I sleep better with him in bed. I would like to spoon (until I get hot, then back to my side of the bed)
He complains about how cold I have the room, window open, fan on, no heavy blankets just a sheet.
He probably sleeps better in bed without me.
So would it be fair to say.... You "use" him to get hot, even-though you keep the room (in his view) ice cold?
I think the experiment and monitor side is really the right move here. Start making changes tonight! Watch what leads him to stay longer or leave earlier. For example, don't spoon, and have a heavier blanket for yourself. See what happens.
Quote:
I want a better M a better R NOW. (stopming my feet like a child)
Who doesn't? BTW, nice touch on the foot stomping.
Me: 43 M: 10y S:15 ILYBINILWY 2/18/13 W moved out 2/18/13 Filed for D: 2/17/13 Got DB: 2/20/13 Got DR: 2/23/13 180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13 D Final Dec '13
No I spoon for a lil then back to my side. Just like to reach out and touch him....Hate being hot while sleeping.
Tonight I will close window and keep fan off.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
H and I had sex,,,H slept in bed all night, stayed after sex no running away.
Here comes the NON DB move
Me: H do you love me H: 2B, why would you ask me that, you know the answer Me: With everything going on I want to know and you have not told me in over a year H: Yes I love you EXTRA NON DB Me: I know you love me like a family member, I asking about you loving me like your wife like a man loves his woman H: Says nothing,,,then says you should know how I feel about you Me: I want you to love me like a man loves his woman, I appreciate your love as a friend, as your son mom, even as a family member,,,but I want more then that from you.
I then move in for a kiss and a hug, H looks a lil uncomfortable but I tell him kiss me, hug me,,,and he does.
I wanted to rock the boat a lil bit, I wanted to see what H response would be. And I wanted him to hear what I wanted from him. I dont want H to stay stuck where ever he is, I also did not want to send us back in this journey....
The time kinda felt right to step my toe into the R ocean,
My H acted like me asking this do you love me was like a slap to the head he looked at me like he was shocked I even had to ask?
His facial expression was of shock which shocked me like does he really not understand what is going on, is he aware of this past year....
Could he be that confused? O
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Okay, you've touched the hot stove and can now see where he's at. It's okay, you've been wanting to have some idea where he is at, and now you know...he's not ready to say and/or commit to saying that he loves you like a man should as his wife. Now, you need to back off and allow him to think about things for a while.
Please understand, you can't "unstick" him from his crisis. He has to be the one to do that. You can't fix his issues. Keep in mind that the more you push, the more he's going to pull the other way.
Please allow him to come to you. You need to dig for more patience. If you attempt to snatch him out of the crisis, he will go back into crisis at a later date and it will be far worse. Allow him to move at his own pace. Patience and more patience are what you need to dig for and practice.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes I will back off and dig down deep with prayer and meditation and LOTS of GAL to continue to "stand". I really do enjoy the "friendship" that we have now, and Im very thankful that he is not a angry acting person, not mean spirtied.
I will continue to soul search and make sure Im not just standing because H announced he was "done" and it was not my decision...cause I do remember my years as WAS where I did not care about H or his needs or wants...
I do not want to force decisions from him, I understand for a better M & R this is something H has to decide is worth it on his own...
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
BTW, nice touch on the foot stomping.