We ran into each other at the house for like 5 minutes last night. He apologized for his X again and I told him it wasn't his fault, he can't control it. I started to cry, eyes leaking, but quickly pulled it together - his mouth did the quirky thing it does when he's feeling emotional himself. Sympathy this time I think.
He ended up having SD12 over night so I got to see her. Hugged her hard. Cuddled and giggled and tickled and laughed while H looked on. Theb went to bed.
This morning I was up and out the door by 8:30, a 180 (I'm usually a very late sleeper).
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
2S Coin. Just checking in. Keep working those 180s. Glad to hear you had a chance to maintain the R w/SD12.
One thing I know from talking to adults who I knew as kids, and my own experience. You never know what memory, good or bad, is going to stick in a young person's mind. That's why actively creating good ones is so important.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
It will taper off, but one last hurrah wasn't bad. I was so glad to see her.
Talked to my mother this weekend, who has totally just stressed me out. She wanted help with the rooms (FINALLY) and I told her I'd be glad to pitch in. Then she starts talking about how she doesn't have time to paint both rooms -- she didn't know she'd be painting the master suite I'm moving into, as well.
This is amusing, as we had a whole conversation TWO MONTHS AGO about how I'd do it myself to save her the work, and she declined that offer, saying that she wants it done right (she's a professional painter) so she'd take care of it. Then she asked if I wanted to do the painting before or after I moved in and I said before would work best, because the two cats will cause havoc if we try to do it after.
You seriously forgot those conversations?
Then she starts in about how she's working three jobs simultaneously and she can't possibly paint both rooms, because it will kill her, and "didn't you want to move in by October 1st?"
Yes, that was the time-line I gave you two months ago, and you just ignored it until the last minute, so now we're rushing.
Fine. I just told her we'll keep the room the blue it is now and when she gets some free time in the future, we'll revisit the painting thing. I'm not in the mood to argue and bicker.
I'm irritated because she's had free time to work on this; I know she has. She even promised me a while ago that this (IE: cleaning out the spare room, moving brother's furniture into that room and then me into the master bedroom) would be made her priority...and that never happened. She resisted all my gentle questions asking for rough ideas on when she expected X, Y and Z to come together and now we're in a mad sprint to get stuff completed.
H has been pushing at me to know when I'll be out so he can get his beloved "personal space", and when I told mom that, her response was "too bad for him".
So, I guess it's looking like next weekend will be the move date, provided everything comes together like it's supposed to.
I'm just so raw and hurty and anxious and unhappy with everything going down.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
Raw - that's been me for two weeks now. Parents, even well-meaning ones, can cause havoc. I try to DB my Mom too - no expectations, appreciation for even the littlest thing, and setting clear boundaries even when they are, in their minds, being magnanimous.
Try going in there on your own and just taping off the rooms with blue painter's tape (so you don't have to re-do the trim if you don't want to.) Ask her to judge your work, make corrections with a smile on your face, and get rolling (literally!)
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
I'm irritated because she's had free time to work on this; I know she has.
So? she's doing you a favor. Appreciate it for a change. You can't control her any more than you could your spouse. Or have you forgotten that's what DBing is all about?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
So when you have time to do something and procrastinate, don't get upset with anyone else because now you feel rushed.
She can say/do whatever she wants; doesn't make it less irritating to be on the reciving end.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
So, I figured out that it's easier to deal with stuff if I don't have reminders of the past. Photos, stuff like that...bring back memories that kill me.
As much as I'm dreading the move, I'm sort of looking forward to it. I'll be able to breathe easier without worrying about what H is seeing from me and being on my toes at all times to make sure my 180s are tight and solid. Not that I plan to stop doing 180s, but when I'M the only one I have to worry about, there's less pressure to be on point.
Right now I'm trying to go semi-dark. No texts, only interacting for the 5 minutes or so we're home at the same time, usually when he rolls in the door at 10pm and before he goes to bed on the couch. Mostly it's just polite interaction.
At some point I suspect we'll have to talk about loose end details, but he can come to me. When I'm officially out, I'm going dark totally; no contact, period, unless he contacts me.
Going to try to force myself to start packing this week so that the move this weekend will go smoother.
Deep breaths, and continue to remind myself what a good, healthy relationship consists of -- and until (if ever) Mr. WAH is willing to put effort toward that sort of a thing, then I need to look ahead for myself.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
Packing. Man this house looks plain without my decorating touches. Empty. We'll see how that works out for him.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
H brought home the motorcycle battery and oil for my bike. Filter is on order so the oil change has to wait. We worked together on filling the battery; he taught me how to pour the liquid into the chambers and how to charge it with the battery minder when we were done. It was good team work and no awkwardness.
I mentioned how excited I am to be finally here and able to ride and he said, "aren't you wondering why you didn't do it sooner?"
I said, "Nope! It's in the past; there's a lot about the past I'd change but I can't. I'm here now, and moving forward !"
We said our goodnights and 20 minutes later he came in to sheepishly initiate physical stuff. Was a blast, as always and I still have no illusions about it!
More packing tonight.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
