You could tell him you know he's got a lot going on and that it's important to D6, so if he doesn't feel like he can get it done by x date, you'd like to take over the project to free him up for his other concerns. Then just leave it and see what happens. If the date passes and you do it then his reaction is his responsibility.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
H returned girls last night- here endeth our interactions for the week. We've worked our way up from the "hot potato" drop off to sort of a awkward civility. I guess that's sort of progress. Yesterday he actually brought the empty garbage can up from the street (our driveway is 1/2 mile long and sice he left with the truck this has been a major pain for me), which is the closest thing he has done to helping out with the house since he left, so I'll take that as a teeny, tiny win.
He changes schedules beginning in October and we will have to talk about how this will change his visitation schedule. I am hoping he will initiate this, but he is generally so passive that he tries to just sits back and wait for me to tell him when he is "allowed" to have have the girls (which is how he characterizes it- despite me repeatedly telling him otherwise). I told my IC and DB coach that I feel like he has always wanted me to drive the bus and now he's mad about where I took us.
I guess I'll bring up the stuff about the treehouse (see above) next week - we're heading into glorious weather and I want this for D6.
So, I've not had a good weekend with the GAL and 180s. D3 and I have had a cold that just won't go away and on Friday D6 woke up with the sniffles as well. She wasn't that sick, but I decided to call in and let both girls stay home from school as well. Spent most of Friday snuggling in bed with the girls, enjoying the rainy weather, watching kid movies and cooking grilled cheese sandwiches and chicken noodle soup. Also giving quality attention to the dogs and cats.
Coached D6 at soccer today but other than that have really been pretty lazy. Need to get back on my projects of decluttering the house, the usual weekend housework and continuing the good progress I have made with the exercise. I wish I knew other areas to 180 but for now this is the best I've got - unfortunately it makes me feel like I have to be in constant "overachiever" mode, which is exhausting.
I shook off my weekend slump and managed to tackle some house projects yesterday. One of the items that needed to get done was cleaning the chimney. I had originally planned on asking H to do it - but much like the treehouse issue (see above), I have some concerns that the house maintenance is one of the things he is running from. So I watched a "how to clean your chimney" youtube video, climbed up on the roof and got it done. I am now making empowered grunting noises.
Goal for this week is working on workplace GAL. I have an excellent quality of life job - but if we end up divorced - I'm going to have to up my income - so time to start figuring out next steps. A work at home job is a real possibility with my current employer -would be great for the kids - but not sure that cutting myself off from more face to face human interaction is a good idea at this point
raliced, I keep a list of things to get accomplished. Column A and B. Column B contains easy stuff. I put those off for a while. saving them for when I am exhausted and unmotivated.
Since those items are on the list a while, they are more gratifying. Since they are easy tasks, they dont require as much effort!!
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Look at you, Raliced! I hope you and the kids are feeling better. It's nice that you were able to spend some quality time snuggling with the kids and the fur babies.
I can relate to the unfinished projects. While it is mind reading, it is certainly possible your h is running from house responsibilities. So you don't want to put any pressure on him. My xh was allegedly going to redo the floors in the BRs for 5 years. I finally just had someone come do them and post BD he said that I had "doubted" he was going to do them and that me hiring someone hurt him. Honestly, some of what they say is just ridiculous. If you need to get something done, I don't think it's emasculating-especially if it's a hazard or something that really needs attention. You must take care of you and your girls.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
My H has been just the opposite. Over the summer he bought new patio furniture and a couple new pieces of artwork. Recently, we finished remodeling a bathroom -- a total gut. His dream is to replace the flooring in about half our house. Some is carpet, some is "Cuban tile" which is a HUGE pain to remove. Whether it's a good thing or not, we haven't found the right solution to install (has to do with matching existing porcelain tile). All this while looking for a different place to move into. Boggles my mind.
I'm sorry you are in this sitch, however consider the help/ completed projects a gift!!!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I'm sorry you are in this sitch, however consider the help/ completed projects a gift!!!
At first I was really concerned that H was fixing up the house to sell. But after I talked to two Ls, I realized that I don't necessarily have to sell, so yes, all the remodeling is all a bonus. Especially since we ended up painting the bathroom the color I wanted! ;-)
This morning H came to the house to get kids ready for school, one of our two interactions for the week. I asked him if he had thought about when he would like the kids with his new work schedule, and as predicted he mumbled "whatever you think". It's amazing to me that someone so passive actually took the step to move out of the house.
I gave him some suggestions/options and told him to let me know.
