Nothing new to report here, EXCEPT that I talked to my kickboxing friend and have arranged to teach part of her class on Tuesday night. Guess I know what I'll be practicing in the evenings until then!
In addition to that, I have my last phobia group counseling session tonight then dinner at my parents', a happy hour tomorrow, my cousin's kid's birthday party on Saturday, a picnic with friends on Sunday, and IC on Monday. I'm trying to squeeze in time for a hike as well as a movie sometime this weekend, too. I could not possibly GAL anymore than this.
Random question for the ladies (and the guys too, if they have a preference), but I'm thinking about splurging on some perfume for myself! I've never worn it, but since I love scents so much and a guy's scent is a large part of my attraction toward them, I'm thinking about getting something for me. Any suggestions for what to get?
Me: 35, H: 37, no kids Together since 2002, Married since 2007 IDKIILY: 2/2013 MC: 5/2013-6/2014 H stated he was REALLY done: 4/2014 I moved out 7/6/14 H filed end of 8/2014 but still hasn't served me
Well, I'll bite. I love my Chanel Chance perfume. I have allergies to most scents (bug spray, fire smoke, perfume, etc) and this is one perfume I can actually wear without having a horrible night, for some reason.
Funny story: My ex's mother liked it a LOT and so she bought her own bottle. She never told me, but my ex noticed and was p*ed she "stole" it from me. Ha.
Thanks for the recommendation, Vossy! I still haven't had a chance to get over to Macy's to check it out, but I will.
So I've been MIA from the boards for the last 11 days or so. I wish it was because exciting things were happening, but alas, that's not the case. Nothing bad's happening per se; in fact, I've been keeping really busy and having a lot of fun, but I have nothing to report on the M and H fronts. I've been keeping updated on others' situations, but haven't really had a chance to post. I've been working on GAL activities and the NC with H has been making the detaching SO much easier. Now I don't spend much time at all thinking about or wondering what he's up to.
My friend who sees H regularly at salsa said that he usually asks how I'm doing and asked her some random question about a pie that I brought over to her house for dinner one night. I didn't explicitly state in my FB picture of the pie that I was at her house for dinner, but she made a comment on it and so he's obviously reading the comments and deduced where I was that night. Interesting.
H went to a birthday party for our mutual friends' kid last weekend. I chose not to go, partly to avoid the awkwardness and also because I was invited to something else that sounded more fun (picnic with my friend and her French house guest). H had sent out that stupid email (you know, that one I talked about at length in my last thread) to some of our mutual friends the week before the party and changed his FB status from "Married" the day before the party. However, I had coffee with our mutual friend on Saturday and she said that H spent the entire party fielding questions about us. Apparently the first thing he was asked by everyone upon walking in the door was, "Where's Jacket?" Good grief, I am so glad I wasn't there. That would just have been awkward for everyone...or I guess people would have just been none the wiser because they probably would have assumed we were together. Whatever.
So it's been a month (maybe longer? I've lost track) of NC with H. I still have some random things at the house, but have no immediate need to get any of those things. He also still has not filed. My parents are asking me if I want to go ahead and just file so I can get some spousal support or if I want to just ask him directly for some financial support without filing. I'm inclined to do neither at this point. I suppose I'm still interested in potentially R, and filing myself therefore seems like the route I should NOT go. Also, he's going to have a cow when he sees the discrepancy between what he thinks our financials are going to be post-D and what I think they are going to be post-D. I'm just not ready for that kind of confrontation, though I suppose it's going to happen sometime (unless he comes out of this fog).
Anyway, I guess the point of all this rambling is, where do I go from here? Do I just keep on this path of NC and my own GAL activities? The more time that passes, the less I feel like R and the more I am enjoying my new life. At some point do I reach out at all? I honestly don't feel a need to. Do I just keep waiting in limbo here?
Me: 35, H: 37, no kids Together since 2002, Married since 2007 IDKIILY: 2/2013 MC: 5/2013-6/2014 H stated he was REALLY done: 4/2014 I moved out 7/6/14 H filed end of 8/2014 but still hasn't served me
Is what you're doing working? You've been separated for 2 months which in the scheme of things isn't all that long. If what you're doing is working and you feel strong and like you're the person you want to be, then keep on doing what you're doing.
Limbo [censored] but it's out of our control. You can choose to see it as limbo or as an opportunity to do your own thing while the future of your marital status remains undecided. Your perspective here is what matters.
Is what you're doing working? You've been separated for 2 months which in the scheme of things isn't all that long. If what you're doing is working and you feel strong and like you're the person you want to be, then keep on doing what you're doing.
Yeah...that's a good question. It's working in the sense that I feel better and more detached. I'm becoming the person I was meant to be, and in doing so, and in hearing from everyone around me (including our mutual friends) that I'm better off without him and that it's really truly his loss, I'm realizing that I really don't need H. I don't even know if I want him anymore. I definitely don't want him until he figures his crap out. So it's working in that I'm becoming stronger and happier. It's NOT working in that I'm not really doing much to keep the road home smooth. I'm not sure H even sees that there's a road at all, especially since we basically have no contact whatsoever.
Originally Posted By: Ss06
Limbo [censored] but it's out of our control. You can choose to see it as limbo or as an opportunity to do your own thing while the future of your marital status remains undecided. Your perspective here is what matters.
I like what you said here! It IS an opportunity to do my own thing. And I've been doing just that. I'm just worried that I'm becoming bitter. I definitely feel that as time goes on, I'm having less and less compassion toward my WAS.
Originally Posted By: Ss06
You sound good, Jacket. Really good.
Thanks, Ss! It sounds like you've been making tons of positive strides. Hats off to you.
My friends, including our mutual friends, when they see me, comment, in sort of a surprised tone, "How are you doing? You seem like you're doing really well!" And I really feel like I am. I'm spending a lot of time with friends, been getting back into my workouts, experimenting and trying lots of different things (hikes, recipes, restaurants, adventures), and have three vacations (if I can afford them!) lined up for the next year.
Me: 35, H: 37, no kids Together since 2002, Married since 2007 IDKIILY: 2/2013 MC: 5/2013-6/2014 H stated he was REALLY done: 4/2014 I moved out 7/6/14 H filed end of 8/2014 but still hasn't served me
I found out last week that STBX filed at the end of August, but still hasn't served me papers. I have no idea what he's waiting for, but I'm so detached that I actually felt nothing except relief (or maybe even happiness!?) that the ball is finally rolling.
I'm done. And I'm OK with that. Good luck to all the rest of you with your DB efforts!
Me: 35, H: 37, no kids Together since 2002, Married since 2007 IDKIILY: 2/2013 MC: 5/2013-6/2014 H stated he was REALLY done: 4/2014 I moved out 7/6/14 H filed end of 8/2014 but still hasn't served me
