Dealing with WAW part 7

[Cadet]

Good to hear from you Pilot. I mentioned your name just the other day in a post.

haha, I hope it was not too bad!

I am very late to this party but
I just thought I would say hi again,
just because you may not realize that
I changed my name here on DB.

Follow this link and it will have what my name used to be.
And you might like the title too!

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1953468#Post1953468

I used to fly C-141's in the Air Force and that is why I used a lot of references!

[pilot]

Ever get that feeling your are getting DB'd? If I took an honest look at W actions these past 4-5 months since I filed D they look like they are out of the DB playbook. Of course there can also be a million other explanations. Odds are pretty slim she has read the book...and hopefully not this forum

[pilot]

I am very late to this party but
I just thought I would say hi again,
just because you may not realize that
I changed my name here on DB.

Follow this link and it will have what my name used to be.
And you might like the title too!

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1953468#Post1953468

I used to fly C-141's in the Air Force and that is why I used a lot of references!

I think I have always known you as Cadet. I owned a flew a Cirrus (up until this summer). I do like your ILS analogies. Especially as a Cirrus pilot since everything was automated and all I did was push buttons and take a nap until the wheels were ready to hit the ground

[gan]

Ever get that feeling your are getting DB'd? If I took an honest look at W actions these past 4-5 months since I filed D they look like they are out of the DB playbook. Of course there can also be a million other explanations. Odds are pretty slim she has read the book...and hopefully not this forum

Yes. My H has been particularly strong in the NC department.

[pilot]

I have to say while my D progresses, my W has been nicer than ever. Even though I am the one who pushed the D. One day I will come back and share some things which really gave me a unique insight into her mindset during all of this. But for now, legal gets in the way...you never know who is reading these things

I can say that other than her initial filing last May, almost a year ago, she has never done anything to push the D, other than say she thinks its still the best idea. She has never come clean about her affair, but also has no idea the depths of what I have found out (100% conclusive btw). Given the nature of it, I am sure she probably never wants it to get out. Oh well...not my problem.

I am still comfortable with the D moving forward. Do I sometimes think about R? Sure, I guess we all do. And honestly, if I had to put money on a bet, I would say once she realizes I know everything, but am still ok and not taking it out on her, she may even make an overture towards R. Something in my gut says she is open to it but afraid I am too far gone, or me knowing the truth would be something I would never get over. Its a shame, because in the real world, all that matters is trust and honesty. Had she come out and told me everything when it first happened, yea, I probably would have flipped out. Had I found out after a few months of DB, I probably would have handled it much much better.

I hate to be vague, and really will share everything at some point in the future. I think there are insights many people would enjoy and benefit from.

Anyways, thats my update.

[Bob723]

I am still comfortable with the D moving forward. Do I sometimes think about R? Sure, I guess we all do. And honestly, if I had to put money on a bet, I would say once she realizes I know everything, but am still ok and not taking it out on her, she may even make an overture towards R. Something in my gut says she is open to it but afraid I am too far gone, or me knowing the truth would be something I would never get over. Its a shame, because in the real world, all that matters is trust and honesty. Had she come out and told me everything when it first happened, yea, I probably would have flipped out. Had I found out after a few months of DB, I probably would have handled it much much better.

Hey Pilot,

I feel you have a good attitude about a very rough situation. Had you found out after a few months of DB, you may have handled it much better. But try not to dwell on that. When I look back, I make myself "nuts" and feel like I am moving backward. So, try not to be too hard on yourself, okay?

We're all here for you!

Bob

[pilot]

Thanks Bob. I knew about her having an A back a couple months before I came across DB. That is when I really blew things as all LBS do. The first BD back in Sept. of 2013 I actually handled myself relatively well. I say relatively because there was still the hovering, and pursuing. But not nearly as bad as the following April when I first learned of the A. Although later I find out she lied about the few things she did confess about the A. It was always right there for me to "follow up on" or "discover" but what I learned from DB was that it was enough to know there was OM and an A. The details at that time would serve me no good towards my goal of R. Only after I filed for D in our new state (an at fault state) and we got a judge where 99% of her cases she gave out physical/visitation custody did I go searching for the details in building my case. According to my L it is looking very strong I will end up with custody and she will be an 'every other weekend' parent. I am sure that was not part of her equation. Which makes any R very difficult after the fact because then how do you really know what her motives are? Repairing the M or getting the kids?

Either way, life goes on and I am happy each day I wake up.

[Zues126]

Which makes any R very difficult after the fact because then how do you really know what her motives are? Repairing the M or getting the kids?

Either way, life goes on and I am happy each day I wake up.

I think it was MWD herself that asked "who says it has to be one or the other? Why can't it be a package deal?"

Now stop feeling so good about your life!

[pilot]

True Zues, and I recognize hypothetically it could be a mixture of the two. I was referring from a LBS standpoint of trust in motives. Been stalking your threads. You have definitely come a long way from this summer when you and I first got here. I am proud of you

[Zues126]

You too pilot. Our posts never crossed as frequently but I've followed yours as well.

I miss some of the other posters. Haven't seen SS for a while with her Chrysalis. Or Goatgal. Or so many others.

I've been rereading my old posts and then looking at what they were saying and where they were at in terms of months since BD when they wrote it. It's pretty cool to realize they don't stay dark forever.