Dealing with WAW part 7

[pilot]

Igit, yea, more or less taking a break. I still peek at the forum, but in all honesty I am probably taking a break from DBing itself. I just cant seem to find a reason right now to put any effort into W. I think I have justified it long enough thinking it would be best for the kids. But the reality is the kids have already been through a lot and continue to not understand. Not much I can do to fix that for them other than do the best I can given the circumstances.

I have basically been as NC with W as possible with the only exception being the kids. My GAL is still going strong and i am pretty content right now.

Anyways, I continue to wish all my DB friends here the best. I will keep checking in for now and post if anything really exciting happens.

[igit]

Pilot, I understand completely! When it rains it pours! You have the rt attitude and made the effort! There really comes a point where you understand that you cant put your destiny in someone else's hands! You seem to be at peace with yourself and that is a big step! Wish you well Pilot!
Igit

[pilot]

Just an update. Nothing new has really happened. My W and I still do not speak socially when we see each other. My choice, as she seems to have softened up a bit. Our contact is limited to kid stuff only.

I hope the rest of my DB friends are doing well. Sorry I have not been posting on your pages. Have not spent much time at all here lately. Good luck to everyone!!!

[igit]

Pilot, good to hear from you. Sounds like a good plan for now. Give up the pursuit and act like you don't care about her. I have been avoiding my wife and focusing on work and kids. She seems somewhat nicer but honestly I can't say I like her anymore. So selfish and self centered I don't want to be around her.

[LisaB]

Hey pilot! Just checking in to see if you are still alive and kickin? Hope things are going well for you out there in WAW land!
Hugs, Lisa

[pilot]

Hey guys. Thanks for checking in Lisa. I hope everyone is doing well with their DBing!

When I last posted in early October, I felt I needed to take a break and assess where I was and what I really wanted. It is hard to do that when you are absorbed in a DB forum. After much thought and reflection, I decided it was truly time to move on. I stopped any DB style interaction and basically shut her out except for things kid related. I was always pleasant, but never spoke with her when we saw each other. No hellos, no goodbyes. Heck I really did not even look at her.

I had a built in time period before any action could be initiated on my part in our new state regarding a D. She never did serve me in our old state. Monday following Thanksgiving was the first day I could file. I had an attorney draft up divorce papers. On Monday I decided to send her a text letting her know I had papers ready to file but if she wanted to sit down and discuss working together on a mutual agreement, I would be willing to listen. We agreed to meet that night. We met at a shopping area around dinner time. My dad took the kids and she and i went to a nice restaurant to grab a bite. We actually spoke casually, smiled, and for the next hour and a half it was like two happily married people. Then my dad called and said the kids were restless. So...we looked at eachother and as usual, she wanted me to start. So I told her what I was filing for and what I was claiming, as well as that I was seeking full custody of the kids. This seemed to have caught her off guard. She asked what would be involved in working something out outside of a courtroom. I said it would be as simple as doing what we are doing now. Sit down together and see what we could agree on. She wanted to know when I planned to file and I said that depends. If I hear from you before lunch tomorrow about working something out, then I will wait. If not, then I will file tomorrow. She said she would.

The next day around 2pm I had not heard from her so I sent her a text stating I had thought she was going to contact me. She said she needed more time. I said it has been 6 months. She again said she needed more time. I said I do not mean to be rude, but time for what? All we were supposed to decide on was to actually sit down and discuss what we could and could not agree on. She said she did not mean to be rude but needed more time. Then her communication stopped. I waited 30 minutes, and had the papers filed.

She has actually been sending me more friendly style text messages the week or so prior to this meeting. Those started around the day before Thanksgiving when coincidently? a girl who I had been hanging out with tagged us in Key West on facebook. Of course we were not actually in Key West...and the prior weekend we had tagged eachother in Las Vegas. Sort of a joke between us about wanting to be in fun places. My W was still blocked on FB so it was not done for her benefit. In any event, she has been more frequent in her texting and very liberal with her use of smiley faces and 'lol's.

A few days ago...Saturday, I had contacted her parents and told them I would like to sit down and talk with them. They said they were free that evening. So I drove the 4 hours, and met them at their house. We watched the last hour of the football game which was on and had friendly and pleasant conversations. Then I took them to dinner and after we ordered, got to why I was there. I told them that 8 years ago I snuck away from my house to come see them to ask their permission to marry their daughter, and that I promised them I would always love her and always be there for her. Now I felt I owed it to them to come up and stand before them and let them know I could no longer keep that promise and that I had filed for divorce. They said they understood. They recognized the efforts I had made and said they appreciated that. They also recognized their daughter has done nothing to try and work on the marriage or even discuss the divorce she had filed for in our previous state. They said the limbo she had me in was unfair. They said they were still holding out hope we will work things out and will until the papers are signed. We spoke more, and it was a good conversation. I felt I did the right thing. I told them I had not let their daughter know I had filed, but they were free to tell her about my visit and filing.

I am still getting the friendly texting FWIW. Perhaps she does not know... Not really relevant anyways. I am at peace with my decision. She will likely get served by the end of the week or early/mid next week.

Anyways, just an update for those who were kind enough to follow and offer support!! I hope everyone else is having more success than I did

[nit84]

Thanks for the update Pilot, I wish it was better news but if you are at peace with your decision. I support your efforts

[igit]

Pilot it sounds like you are at peace with your decision. I believe you know when you have had enough of this crazyness. I am wondering what will be going on in your waw's mind when she gets the papers. My guess is she will in a panic! She has been in control and she no longer will be. I know you have two great boys that you will do a great job raising. She has done some serious damage and may not know how to make sense of what she has done to them, you, and mostly herself. I would not be surprised if she does a 180. You know you always want what you can't have. I hope if you still have some love for her deep down you would keep a little window open for her to come back. I know it would be extremely difficult for both of you, but it might be the best for you and your family. Take care buddy

[LisaB]

Hi pilot, sorry to hear that things with your W have not been improving but it sounds like you are in a good strong place. We have missed you on the boards and I have missed your funny and excellent advice on my situation for sure!

I agree with igit, probably your W will react with something interesting now that you have filed. Be ready for some drama.

I hope that you can turn things around at this 11th hour if that is for the best. It sounds like maybe she still has some growing up to do.

Sending you good thoughts!

Hugs, Lisa

[pilot]

Thanks Lisa. yea, she prob does have some growing up to do. I replied to a text from her father and asked how she reacted to being told I filed. The question was more intended to find out if they had even told her...because I really had no idea and her friendliness was kinda different. FIL said that MIL told W that evening after I left. He had tried to talk to her about the situation the following morning, but she did not want to talk about it. Haha...what a surprise. Even today she sends random texts during the day which leave openings to converse. I actually have been more responsive in the past couple of days. Mostly because I just want her to sit down and work out a settlement. I figure if I answer she will feel more comfortable.

Anyways, I will see her again on Friday at a school function for my 5 year old. They have a Christmas program and they are supposed to wear their pajamas to school. Parents can also attend and wear their pajamas if they want. So I went and got him a new ninja turtle one piece footy. Then I got myself a matching 1 piece ninja turtle footy pajama too. Haha. She has been making comments this past week the couple of times I saw her regarding my appearance. She noticed I am wearing "skinny" jeans when I have always been a 501 kinda guy. She noticed the style of shirt as being something new for me and commented so while feeling it. Even my shoes she said looked really nice and she never would have thought I would wear some like that. I then asked her if she is sure she is dropping the kids off with the right guy. She laughed.

Hah...WAWs....

Anyways Lisa, sorry I have missed out on your sitch. On the upside, next time you want to know what Pilot would say...just do what is most likely wrong