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I went back and read my earlier posts to you and your responses, I'm even more confused but I do wish you good luck.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Originally Posted By: labug
I didn't call you a bad guy. I just don't understand your financial dealings around your W and what you're trying to accomplish. That's why I left before, none of it made sense to me.

I'm not irked at all.


My financial dealings are pretty simple these days. When I met my W and we married, I had a net worth in the millions. I now have a net worth in the red. I work 2 jobs now. I have cut out every single non essential expense in my life to ensure my kids and my wife still are insulated from my financial situation. I cannot file Chapt 7 bankruptcy like I had hoped because of a pending D. The lawyers tell me the bankruptcy court will just set it aside till the D is finalized because until then there is no way of knowing what my true liabilities will be.

My family (father, brother, etc) still have a very high net worth and will fund future ventures of mine. So being broke is not likely to be a long term scenario. However, they will NOT fund a dime while my D is pending for obvious reasons. I have taken up a night job to ensure I have the minimal cash I need to keep W and kids provided for. I have decided to swallow my pride at 40 years old and live with my father because it saves money that goes directly to things for my kids and W. My plane got repo'd a few weeks ago, and it was sold at auction and I still have a couple hundred thousand deficiency on it. I have IRS liens. I have collection agencies calling. My W has none of this. She owes none of this. She gets to take all the money she earns and spend it on fun stuff. She bought new tvs for her place when we have tvs sitting here from our old place she could have used. She is buying new jewelry, when she already has a box full of stuff from Tiffany. So my thought is if she has the money to spend on frivolous stuff, why am I over drafting my own account on purpose to give her what she is asking for? Maybe if she just said 'thanks' or 'ok, I got it" instead of 'I have a cc bill due today'...'Did you hear me? My cc bill is due by the end of the day. Can I use the same checking account I used last time?'


Me: 42
W: 32
Married 7 years together 8.5
S1: 7 S2:7
Bomb #1: 09-16-13
Recon #1: 11/13
A discovered 04-03-2014
W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me
I filed D 12-02-2014
S 05-31-14
Divorced 5-19-16
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When last we spoke, I believe you were angry that she wanted the airplane to be included in the settlement. That was a personal not business asset, right? And now it's gone?

Are all those other encumbrances you mentioned personal or business?

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The airplane was a mix of personal and business. Business for tax reasons, personal for well, fun reasons. She loved the plane until the plane started taking money she wanted for other things. When I learned about how much she hated the plane, I tried to sell it at first. I tried to refinance it. I tried to lease it. I tried everything I could to do something with it to offset the cost. Finally, I decided to just stop paying for it. Problem was because the area I was in was declared a federal disaster area, I could not refinance, restructure the note, or do anything. The bank would not even take it for the longest time. Finally they did. Same thing with the boat I owned. When I learned it caused her unhappiness, I sold it instantly at a huge loss. And then gave her 100% of the proceeds. As much as I loved my boat, and as much as I loved my plane, I loved my W more. And her happiness was more important to me than any material possession.

Her L in the D petition decided to put a provision in saying that she was entitled to a complete refund on any marital funds which went towards paying for the airplane. She claims she did not know of, or understand that addition, and offered to amend it to have it removed. To me, it was just a lawyers who was probably just giving a text book reply to a W who said she wanted to D her husband who happened to own an expensive plane. I know it as a pipe dream at best but in a D petition ask for everything in the world, even if you know you most likely will never get it.

Last edited by pilot; 10/01/14 04:45 AM.

Me: 42
W: 32
Married 7 years together 8.5
S1: 7 S2:7
Bomb #1: 09-16-13
Recon #1: 11/13
A discovered 04-03-2014
W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me
I filed D 12-02-2014
S 05-31-14
Divorced 5-19-16
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 441
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Pilot, your waw seems to have had it pretty well. I hate to say anything negative, but is she a spoiled brat? I know that you still want to take care of her. I am struggling with this in my sitch on the go forward as well. But the reality is that I am getting fired by my waw. I am not firing her. Pilot, you are a good person and have no reason to feel any remorse if you cut off your waw from her la la land. Just my opinion. A good dose of reality may not bring her back and it wold be all in the presentation of how you tell her. Let her see how difficult it is to support her life style on her own for a while.


M 54
W 48
T 19
M 17
D 12
Twin S 6
Twin S 6
Ilybnilwy 1/26/14
A discovered 2/3/14
D filed 7/25/14
Sumons served 8/14/14

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Pilot, I don't know what works but I can tell you what doesn't is all this coom bye ya bs.


M 54
W 48
T 19
M 17
D 12
Twin S 6
Twin S 6
Ilybnilwy 1/26/14
A discovered 2/3/14
D filed 7/25/14
Sumons served 8/14/14

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Pilot,

If giving her everything she wants did not work in the marriage do you think it will work to get her back? I would suggest that you end her a letter or such and explain that you no long have the funds to fund her extravagant life style. Tell her from this day forward she will be responsible for all expenses she incurs including credit card purchase. That you will provide what the law has determined in child support as required.

I understand how you probably feel about this. I feel the same way. It is hard to cut them off and make them see reality.


Twisting on Life's Rope
Me53
W53
M20
D21 D19 D16
BD 2-2013
D final 1-2015
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When I wrote my original response I didn't understand your financial situation and I wouldn't have said what I said if I had. I'm a SAHM so I'm sensitive to financial vulnerability but I've never had so much as one Tiffany box because I'm rational and would not want jewelry at the expense of my family's well-being.

What you were doing by paying for all that was not making sure your family's NEEDS were being met. Nobody needs Tiffany. There were other motives going on there. What does it say about your opinion of your wife if you thought buying her affection was an effective or desirable thing to do? It doesn't sound like she's been a partner in your financial goals.

You've gotten all the good advice you need already so I'm not going to add more, but I really think you should re-examine the thinking that got you to this place and what kind of relationship you would like to build wih your partner (whoever she may be) in the future.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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How are you splitting time with the children? If you have them half the time and her income is the same as yours, you should not pay her a dime. In fact, she should be paying you for her health ins and half of the kids health ins.

In my sitch our income is almost the same. We split time with the kids 50-50. She pays for helath ins (her employer has a better plan) and school lunches. I reimburse her for half of both. Since she has always been the "shopper" in the family I also give her half of what the boys clothing cost is. That's it. Period.


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
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Pilot, you must be taking a break from DB site. Hopefully you are recharging your batteries. I tell you one thing there is nothing wrong with you spoiling your wife during M. She is thinking about a lot of different things right now. No question about it. WAW s in alot of pain no matter there out ward appearance. I look at Starsky and Mr Bond s stories and patience and time are so critical. It's hard and who knows if we can turn the boat around. Time will tell!


M 54
W 48
T 19
M 17
D 12
Twin S 6
Twin S 6
Ilybnilwy 1/26/14
A discovered 2/3/14
D filed 7/25/14
Sumons served 8/14/14

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