In what way do you think this "seems weird"? We could use some male perspective here.
What do you make of Maybell's male IC making comments on her attractiveness and bashing her H behind his back by making unsavory comments about his looks?
Isn't the IC's primary allegiance to the client is in addressing whatever problem(s)at hand they need to focus on?
Wonka: Thanks for asking for clarification. I was joking about a steady, consistent approach...I don't have one. I'm like a pressure cooker...all smiles and laughter until I've had enough.
Earlier, I chimed in with encouragement to drop IC through the receptionist. His comments and actions creeped me out a bit as well. I didn't think Maybell owed any explanation whatsoever. Failed to see the opportunity for asserting herself that was right there.
The "stand up for what's right - and for Maybell" crowd, had a much better approach, IMO. That's why I was being self-deprecating.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
Maybell, trust your gut on this one. You've got enough going on, you don't need to be getting support from someone who creeps you out (and who might be sabotaging your situation for his own perceived personal gain).
Good luck talking to your H about it. I'll be interested to hear how he responds.
Thinking of you!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
I'm not so much concerned that IC might push H in one direction or another so much as considering the unfriendly way he talked about him today that he may not have my H's well-being at heart. H said they ran out of things to talk about with 15 minutes to go (I didn't pursue the topic beyond that).
I don't really want to go into details about this with my H unless I really have to. I found how my IC spoke distasteful to say the least, and disrespectful considering he knows I'd like to save the marriage. (He also made a point of saying "I don't think he's coming back.) I don't want my H in the position of sharing with someone who could speak like that about him. But it feels obnoxious to say "This person we trusted did x,y, and z and I felt like he was coming on to me."
Tell him you felt uncomfortable, if he asks specific questions, give him specific answers.
This is why many counselors won't see both members of a couple once MC has broken down. Sticky wicket.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Done. I admit I left a voicemail, though I could have spoken to him if I'd had to. It wasn't the smoothest delivery ever but it was firm, clear, and polite. And now I'm off to lunch with a friend and I have a great weekend planned for myself and the burden of talking to my IC is left on the side of the road where it belongs.
I'm not so concerned about telling my husband. I haven't yet answered his email about watching the movie on Sunday. My friends think he's eating cake, and I do feel strung along. On the other hand, I don't know where his head is, so I'm just going to let things roll and see how I feel. I may say yes, I may say not yet. It's weird how empowered I feel, not jumping to answer my H and also pulling the portcullis down on my IC. I'm keeping a close eye on my rubber band reactions, though. Thanks again for pointing it out.
Nifty interaction with S6 on the way to school today. I asked if he was looking forward to he weekend with his dad, and he said yes hesitantly. Then he said, "But I'm a little bit confused because I want to have a good time with dad AND I want to have a good time with you." And I was so happy he'd said at (and S8 was with us, listening), because then I got to say, "That's ok! I want you to have as much fun with dad as with me because I want YOU to be happy." And he grinned and said ok and we chatted all the way to school.
AND it's a gorgeous fall day, I've been reading tons of novels, and I feel pretty and smart. All is right with my world, even where it isn't.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Oh I am so happy reading this, Maybell. So many positive things going on with you. I LOVE your convo with S6. It's clear he didn't want to let you down by having fun with his dad and you made that ok. Love that.
And you handled things with IC in probably the same way I would have (eeek, I shy away big time from confrontation, well, except with my H). I think that as long as you feel like that chapter is closed and you feel good about it then GREAT! It's time to move on.
I hope you have a lovely weekend enjoying the weather, your novels and the world that you have made right, even where it isn't.
IC has called twice so far, an hour apart, to leave long messages about how distraught he is (his word) at my voicemail and asking if we could discuss. It's REALLY uncomfortable for me. It makes me feel wavery and kind of gross. I suppose I ought to just face it and roar more firmly... But I'm also disappointed at how I feel and worried I might crack. Yuck.
He called while H was picking up the kids so I mentioned it to my husband. That went ok. Actually it was kind of good because H said he hadn't known what to talk about and he wasn't sure what he'd get out of going back. So I said if he chose to pursue IC that a good counselor could help him set goals and give him something to work for, but that it was up to him to decide on that.
It was a good moment. Except I feel a touch anxious about IC again. I don't like to hurt people (but he shouldn't be hurt!!)
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Part of being a professional is the ability to accept criticism. He can take it.I'm sure he's also worried because a formal complaint of this type would be pretty major for a counselor - so your giving him direct feedback (instead of an anonymous compaint) is really doing him a favor as well (honestly).
