Can I get her back??..

[LoveMyW]

Righto DB'ers, I've got a predicament and need advice..

So I had a bit of FaceTime with the kids again tonight, and kept NC with the W.. All well and good at this point.. 5 mins later S9 facetimes me again to ask a question, and the W and I had a very brief chat about a parcel that I am waiting on..

Now, roughly 30 mins after this I got a text from W regarding a laugh moment.. I kept the comms short and sweet and to the point (3 text convo) and I finished it off..

Fast forward to about an hour after this and I got a text from her regarding nothing in particular.. Just chat.. Now it wasn't that I ignored this text, but merely didn't hear it.. About 45 mins after this text I got a msg saying "What's your problem".. I replied that I was busy, once again kept the comms to the point and short..

So ultimately, even though it wasn't intended, NC seems to be pi$$ing her off!!.. What I need to know is, should I continue on the NC path, or am I going to cause damage to any forward movement by doing it??..

[Ahoy]

Sounds like she is trying to connect with you in a friendly way. I'm not a vet, so I can't say what the "right" thing to do would be. But in my case, I try to be friendly, so I might respond to a text like that by saying -- "No problem -- I just didn't hear my phone." It's the truth, right?

Anyway, NC sounds like it's working because now she is trying to make sure you're still there for her in some way.

[LoveMyW]

Sounds like she is trying to connect with you in a friendly way. I'm not a vet, so I can't say what the "right" thing to do would be. But in my case, I try to be friendly, so I might respond to a text like that by saying -- "No problem -- I just didn't hear my phone." It's the truth, right?

Anyway, NC sounds like it's working because now she is trying to make sure you're still there for her in some way.

Thanks Ahoy..

Yes, that is pretty much what I did, although not in those words.. I agree, it seems like it is working in some way.. I'm just hoping it's not coming across as being a "doormat" though..

Funny we are talking about this as as I type I just got another text!!.. Once again nothing.. Just a smiley face!!..

[LoveMyW]

Ok DB'er, how do I handle this one??..

Talking about a pic of her on FB, and I mentioned that she looks like she has done a serious face pic.. She replied that it is a cute face pic..

Now, what should my proper response to this be??.. I know what I want to say (you look damn hot!!), but that is not right.. She gets a little annoyed if I say that she look attractive in something especially when she is not "dolled up" (even though I'm not lying)..

So what should I say??.. Agree in a "validating" way??..

[MrBond]

"Now, what should my proper response to this be??"

Not responding. You're not a dog to be lead around once your master throws you a bone.

[LoveMyW]

True Mr Bond..

I have let the comment slide as if it wasn't said at all..

[LoveMyW]

Ok, so after reading the bulk of DR so far, I have decided that I need to go LRT as we are separated physically.. Being such early days (8 weeks today), and full implementation only occurring in the last week or so (moreso NC rather than LC than anything else.. Other 180's have been followed for the last 4-6 weeks) I'm kind of seeing changes in her but not really, and am busy working on myself the best I can (GAL, IC etc)..

Now, here is a bit of a conundrum.. The W mentioned a while ago that she wanted some better looking headlight globes in her car (not a huge thing I know).. I have already purchased them as I have a supplier to get them dirt cheap from..

Here is the issue.. The LRT says no gifts, but I was going to give them to her without needing to pay me back (the cash for them is nothing really) and I was going to install them as it is a fairly in depth job on the car in question..

Should I do this, or would it be against LRT??.. I'm looking at it as a improvement in safety for W and S6+8 whilst driving, but at the end of the day it is a gift, and giving 2-3 hours of my time..

Grrrr, I'm hating the confusion!!..

[MrBond]

"I have decided that I need to go LRT as we are separated physically.."

Why? LRT means that you agree with them to D and leave it at that. You haven't done that. You're not at LRT.

"Other 180's have been followed for the last 4-6 weeks) I'm kind of seeing changes in her but not really, and am busy working on myself the best I can (GAL, IC etc).."

Stop watching every move your W makes. If she has a positive interaction with you, jot it down and continue to live your life. Increase the positive actions and reduce the negative ones.

Now, here is a bit of a conundrum.. The W mentioned a while ago that she wanted some better looking headlight globes in her car (not a huge thing I know).. I have already purchased them as I have a supplier to get them dirt cheap from..

"Here is the issue.. The LRT says no gifts, but I was going to give them to her without needing to pay me back (the cash for them is nothing really) and I was going to install them as it is a fairly in depth job on the car in question..

Should I do this, or would it be against LRT??"

Again, you're not in LRT. And in any event, you got them any way. So go ahead and put them on BUT with no expectations. She may even get angry at you for doing so, but pay those actions no mind. A real man does what needs to be done without letting others influence them.

[LoveMyW]

Mr Bond, I thought LRT may have been where I was at as in DR it mentions that LRT should be used "when physically separated".. You have made it obvious that I am wrong in this respect.. So I should just be sticking with 180's for now??..

Positive interactions are happening at times, and I suppose I am asking to see changes too soon..

I intend to be a real man, and I have always handled these type if jobs in the R, but I didn't want to be doing anything detrimental..

[LoveMyW]

Ok, vent time!!.. It's one of those times in my head..

Why is it that my W seems to be GAL'ing better than I am??.. It is really annoying me.. I know in reality she probably isn't but everything to her is peachy at the moment??.. I know she had only gone out 2-3 times since S, and only occasionally visits friends/family and the rest of her time is spent at work, looking after the kids, or on FB (messenger is a good one for knowing when they are on)..

She says stuff on pics like "Welcome to my fun filled, inspirational life" (these are downloaded pics from sites mind you).. She also power likes stuff like "Life is short, be with who makes you smile", and other "women-centric" quotes that I probably look too much in to..

I mean, I don't want to delete her on FB, or block seeing what she likes as there are a few things she likes from extended family members that I may miss in my feed that I like too..

It just seems as though she doesn't even want to reconsider even though we have had 10 years and 2 kids together.. It kind of makes me feel like I have been a drag on her life.. Things can never have been that bad that she seems like she wants to "re-write history" as another board member put it..

I friggin hate these pages like LSI etc as they seem to be able to give the wrong impression even if they are inspirational quotes..

Anyway, vent over.. Just A moment for me I needed to get off my chest, and hopefully someone can chime in on..