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A Message from Michele
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Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: PeterV2] #2506051
11/10/14 05:16 PM
11/10/14 05:16 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
S
Starsky309 Offline
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Starsky309  Offline
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Posts: 6,810
Florida
Put on your spew jacket, and either ignore or use the "I'm sorry you feel that way" line frequently. And certainly know what your legal rights are about remaining in your home.

What does "RH" stand for again?


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: Starsky309] #2506069
11/10/14 06:21 PM
11/10/14 06:21 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline
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Sotto  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
You may also want to work on the basis that - "when you behave reasonably and pleasantly, I'll engage with you" but "when you are being unreasonable and unpleasant, I'll be more difficult to get hold of."

I'm no expert on this - but I know others have posted in this vein.....

Good luck :-)


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: Sotto] #2506152
11/10/14 11:28 PM
11/10/14 11:28 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
P
PeterV2 Offline OP
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PeterV2  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
RH = Retirement Home (i.e. old folks home)


M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: PeterV2] #2506156
11/10/14 11:37 PM
11/10/14 11:37 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
P
PeterV2 Offline OP
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PeterV2  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
I had a talk to our MC this afternoon. She asked W if she was permitted to tell me what I'm being accused of. W denied request but was open to a joint MC session which is being arranged for next week. So maybe we can get this issue into the open.

She sent me texts this a.m.

W: Single man going to a pub. Looks good on you. "Still strolling to see what's out there". You haven't changed. So, stop your BS.
Me: (no reply)(although I thought it was the start of a joke)

Went over to the RH for a meeting with the buyers at noon today for 3 hours. W was frosty. Had a coffee with her after, but didn't talk R. When I went to leave she wouldn't offer a kiss. Said she's disappointed in me, or something to that effect. I didn't answer and walked away. She asked if I heard her. I said yes but I'm not going to get into it.

Cheeseless tunnel if you ask me. Just don the spew jacket and carry on until next week's MC session. Going dark except for business (which is hard to do).

Last edited by PeterV2; 11/10/14 11:38 PM.

M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: PeterV2] #2506158
11/10/14 11:48 PM
11/10/14 11:48 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,516
California US
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CaliGuy Offline
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CaliGuy  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,516
California US
Peter .. you are doing the right thing .. I can relate to the hate filled fury wrath that comes when they find out you did something for you. I went to a little burger joint for lunch Saturday out in the middle of nowhere and W accused me of basically having sex on the picnic table .. I actually laughed, let all the texts blow up my phone as I made sweet love to the best burger I have ever had in my life....lol


M: 44
W: 44
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: CaliGuy] #2506242
11/11/14 05:30 AM
11/11/14 05:30 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
P
PeterV2 Offline OP
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PeterV2  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
Yeah, W said to me tonight that she'd rather get me out of her life than put up with all this anger she has for me.

I think I figured out what she's mad about, though. I get a lot of spam in my email - sexual stuff - they must have got my email address from one of those sites I went on back in January. I've been getting them ever since and I just delete them. I think that she thinks I'm in conversation with these spammers.

I went onto a website MeetUp to find some like minded folk to meet up with - one group is for hiking and backpacking which I like to do, another was a support group for divorced/separated people. I went to a couple of their meetings at a local coffee shop but found them too depressing. No idea of DBing.

W accused me tonight that I was MeetingUp with the singles scene. I guess she hasn't check out the MeetUp web site as much as she's check out my email on my computer. I was out of town for a funeral back in September and I got an email on my cell phone that one of my passwords has been changed. That can only get changed on my office computer, so obviously my W was on my computer searching for incriminating material and changed my password. I asked her about it and she denied it. Doesn't surprise me - more lies.

She accuses me of lying, but I think she's projecting.

She accuses me of being a selfish baastard. Says that as long as I get my way I'm happy. That I don't think of her. Man, what's she smoking.

She called me tonight to chew me out. We went around the circle a few times and then I said that this convo is not productive so I'm saying goodbye, have a good sleep and hung up.

Now I have to go give my spew jacket a good cleaning so it'll be fresh for tomorrow.


M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: PeterV2] #2506243
11/11/14 05:31 AM
11/11/14 05:31 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
P
PeterV2 Offline OP
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PeterV2  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
Hey CaliGuy, hope it was as good for the burger as it was for you. smile
LOL


M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: PeterV2] #2506899
11/13/14 03:21 AM
11/13/14 03:21 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
P
PeterV2 Offline OP
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PeterV2  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
W had asked me to provide all my bank statements and credit card statements to prove I haven't been spending money on internet dating sites. I put them all together from January thru June. The only charges are in the first 4 days of January like I had told her. One site did keep charging me after I quit but I eventually got those charges reverse and those show up in April. I included the complaint email and their apologetic response.

I put them all in a folder an left them in her mail slot at work. I didn't even talk to her or see her. It's been a quiet day. No texts from her last night or all this morning.

Then she called me on the way to the grocery store and asked if I needed stuff so I texted her a list and she bought it all for me. She needed me to bring her some stuff too which I did and then she invited me to spend a couple hours with her watching TV on her bed. I did that. She fed me - literally forking food into my mouth. When I left she hugged and kissed me.

I have no idea what's going on in her head and I'm not about to start talking R talk. So I'll just take the nice treatment and stay as detached as I can.

We have another apt with the buyer tomorrow. So I'll see her again in the morning.

Rollercoaster ride. I sometimes just shake my head. I'm not even going to try mind reading. I'll wait until our MC appt to see what's up.


M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: PeterV2] #2506903
11/13/14 03:32 AM
11/13/14 03:32 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
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Jefe Offline
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Jefe  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
I would certainly take it, Peter.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: Jefe] #2512323
11/30/14 08:15 PM
11/30/14 08:15 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 323
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Devaste Offline
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Devaste  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 323
Peter,

How are you doing? Apologize if I've missed your thread moving, just looking for an update??

Dev


Me: 40
Wife: 38
M: 10. T: 18
S: 8, D: 6, S: 4
BD 02/01/14
Asked her to leave 02/01/14

Keeping the dream alive
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