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A Message from Michele
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Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: sandi2] #2492698
09/30/14 09:43 PM
09/30/14 09:43 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
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PeterV2 Offline OP
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PeterV2  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
Funny thing is, that week I was looking on the dating sites, I exchanged a few emails with a couple of women, but after about 10 emails back & forth I clued in that they were both lying to me, faking who they were and where they lived - fake photos and all.
After having been lied to for the previous 8 months, needless to say I was totally turned off by that experience.

True. I can't really even bring up the A or OM without major backsliding in our sitch.

We may be getting an offer for someone to purchase the RH. W wants to sell so she can have a life & self-determination. She still blames me for forcing her to buy the place, but she was the one signing all the papers in the lawyers office. It's not even on the books as me being part owner. It's her baby. She was the one who wanted to do it, but just because I insisted on the closing date a couple of months before she wanted it, she still didn't have to oblige. Am I to blame for her not standing her ground? I would ask her that same question, but instead I'm constantly apologizing for insisting on the closing date.

I just need to draw back a bit right now I think.

I helped her all day at the RH. Now I'm back in my office after 5pm starting to run my business after a day's absence. Good thing that my business is keeping hers afloat. I don't get much appreciation for that. But that just the state of things right now.

Last edited by PeterV2; 09/30/14 09:44 PM.

M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: PeterV2] #2492721
09/30/14 11:05 PM
09/30/14 11:05 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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Wonka Offline
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Wonka  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
Peter,

It was tough to read your latest interaction with your W and her perceived "scorekeeping" about you perusing dating sites while she was engaged in a full-on affair with the OM. She needs a slap on the upside of her head!

Does your W normally hold grudges for a long time? Is that typical of her?

As for selling RH, I think it is a solid move in the right direction. With the stress off from RH, W cannot blame you any longer for 'forcing' her to stay at RH and continue to manage it. I'd be interested in seeing how your sitch unfolds after the sale of the RH.

Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: Wonka] #2492729
09/30/14 11:25 PM
09/30/14 11:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
P
PeterV2 Offline OP
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PeterV2  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
Yes, she's one to hold grudges. For a long time. Took her almost 20 years to ease up on her first hubby. Mind you he was an alcoholic wife beater, so I don't blame her for that one.
But she doesn't let things go like she should.

Every time I suggest we move forward and stop dredging up the past, she feels I'm pressuring her to reconcile, which is really what I'm doing. I hate this limbo. Maybe once the RH is sold we'll be in a better position. At least then she'll have no excuse for not moving back home. Still she may choose to just get an apartment at that point. She has talked about that.


M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: PeterV2] #2492733
09/30/14 11:32 PM
09/30/14 11:32 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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Wonka Offline
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Wonka  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
Originally Posted By: PeterV2
Every time I suggest we move forward and stop dredging up the past, she feels I'm pressuring her to reconcile, which is really what I'm doing. I hate this limbo.


You might want to back off a bit on the "pressure" part and learn to live with limbo. It doesn't mean you have to like it...what choice do you have, Peter?!

Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: Wonka] #2492739
09/30/14 11:40 PM
09/30/14 11:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
P
PeterV2 Offline OP
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PeterV2  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
Limbo it is then. Table d'hote. I'll take a double helping please. With a side of patience. And of course a bottle of Cab Shiraz. And a straw.


M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: PeterV2] #2492812
10/01/14 01:55 AM
10/01/14 01:55 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
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Jefe Offline
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Jefe  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
If you have any spare patience, please send some my way. Could sure use some right about now.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: Jefe] #2493086
10/01/14 06:35 PM
10/01/14 06:35 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 323
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Devaste Offline
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Devaste  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 323
Peter,

You've demonstrated an amazing capacity to move forward and not dwell
on the past. It's unfortunate in my stich as well, that resentment and anger are held onto for so long.

Best of luck in limbo land, and welcome to the club. It's almost at capacity though wink

Keep up your patient progress and try to minimize your pursuit. Good luck Peter, you deserve it!

Dev


Me: 40
Wife: 38
M: 10. T: 18
S: 8, D: 6, S: 4
BD 02/01/14
Asked her to leave 02/01/14

Keeping the dream alive
Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: Devaste] #2493676
10/03/14 02:43 AM
10/03/14 02:43 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
P
PeterV2 Offline OP
Member
PeterV2  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
Thanks for the vote of confidence, Dev. It is a tough row to hoe.

This Saturday night I'm throwing a surprise birthday party for my W's 50th. She has no idea. I've invited all her friends. She doesn't think I'm doing anything special for her birthday. I've asked her to dinner but she's booked solid for the next week. Hopefully this will be a positive thing. Wish me luck in that regard.

Currently she is being somewhat distant, but I invited her to go to the golf driving range this evening to spend some relaxed quality time together. She invited her daughter along which was fine too. Afterwards I left & played hockey.

I think she's still a bit cool from the revelation the other night that I was on dating sites back in January. That's going to be a thorn in her side for a while. We may need to work this out with our MC but we haven't been to see her together since December, 2 days after the A discovery. Lots of separate sessions but no more as a couple.


M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: PeterV2] #2493717
10/03/14 04:06 AM
10/03/14 04:06 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
J
Jefe Offline
Member
Jefe  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
I'm still confounded how the WAS even has the audacity to wag a finger in the LBS's face. Its a common theme all over these boards but perplexing none the less.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Continuing DBing after the affair [Re: Jefe] #2493776
10/03/14 01:24 PM
10/03/14 01:24 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
P
PeterV2 Offline OP
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PeterV2  Offline OP
Member
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
It's because in their mind the LBS is the one to blame for having ruined the M by not meeting the WAS's needs, so what choice did the S have but to walk away. Nothing was seemingly going to change, even though they may have been talking about the problems for years. The LBS sees their role in it (hopefully) but never thought the S would have the audacity to walk away/have an A. It's a choice the WAS made out of desperation, but it is the wrong choice. But don't tell then that. They'll have to figure that out for themselves.


M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
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