Bright, I'm not surprised that he knocked and used his key. Why wouldn't he? He still feels like it's still his home even if he's not there. I find it interesting that he would ask if anyone was home, considering you are working. Was he able to see your car in the driveway? I don't think he even thought that you would be home today. I think he had his friends along just to keep him company.
Both of you are uncomfortable around each other because of the way things have been. He's almost a stranger to you because he's been gone a while and acting a bit differently. It's normal.
I'm glad this trip is behind you and you can look forward to the upcoming holiday. Do you have any special plans?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Then I’ve heard H saying “hello, is anybody home”,
The fact that he said this shows he doesn't feel he can just walk in, IMO. If you are still uncomfortable with this then ask for his key, or change the locks. If you still hope to reconcile (and don't fear he'll stab you or steal all your stuff) then let it roll as is.
Last edited by ForeverYoung; 11/24/1408:26 PM.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Job, my car was in the garage, so he could not see if I was home. I think when he opened the door he heard me on the phone, and this is when he asked if anybody was home. And the friends were his ride from the airport, he could not have come by any other means, except taxi, and that would be expensive.
This is interesting observation that he still thinks that it is his home, even though he calls it "your house", meaning it is my house. Last time he was coming to the house, he called me ahead of time. This time he didn't, and this is kind of strange.
FY, he should not feel like he just can walk in. Something was different this time, for sure. I like your advice. I will just let it roll for now.
I also have absolutely no feelings about this morning. I mean it was just like one of the regular things. I guess I reflect on it later.
Job, thanks for asking me about my holiday plans. Actually we are going to H's brother for TG dinner. Just without H, haha.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
The Thanksgiving dinner at my BIL was OK. It didn’t go the way I expected though. It was a bit strange. We all were there, my son with GF, my sister’s family. This BIL is H’s brother, and he’s been trying to keep the connection with my family. The only different part in all of this was that he has a GF now, who’s been living with him and they’ve been together for over a year. This is something new for my BIL. He used to date a lot, but always broke it up when his dates were starting to get serious about the R.
Over the years we were used to this dynamic. His house was always his house where nobody could make the rules. This time I could tell that his GF has been making the rules. I also got a feeling that sometimes he doesn’t like what she is doing (some comments from him), but tolerates it. This is just too funny. I think after he broke his knee cup last year, he realized that he is no longer that young independent stud. He needs a companion in his life. So, he tolerates this woman and lets her dictate some of the things. I could tell that deep down he is still resisting all this. Oh well, not my problem. It is just ironic that this is happening at the same time when H thinks (actually said this 2 years ago) that his brother was the only one doing the right thing with his life (like not being married and just dating.)
So, this year H didn’t even text anybody in my family wishing a happy Thanksgiving. I didn’t get a text either. Plus, I learnt that he has a second phone now. I had no idea and I don’t think any of my family members, including my son, were told about it either. Two phones… while he’s been complaining about not making much money and trying to downsize in every aspect of his life. This is just so weird. I cannot wrap my head around it.
Does he want to completely sever any contact with me and my family? Hence no Thanksgiving texts like he did for the last two years. I have a suspicion he met somebody. And now is trying to pretend that he is “free” man and his M is long over and there is no contact with his xw. Except I’m not exactly x yet, not on paper. Well, is doesn’t matter to him, but it might matter to a new GF. I just can’t wait when she finds out where his Playboys come from and that there is still lots of my stuff and clothes at the vacation home. Oh year, and the mail, LOL.
But why a second phone? Maybe he is trying to see if he likes the service from that other company and then will switch the number. Or, he will cancel his old number and have the new one. Who knows…
The possibility of him having met someone is actually taking some tall on me right now. I thought I was prepared for this, but apparently I’m not. It made me sad. I also feel that I will be starting another phase of grief with this. Why does it have to be so different for me? I am 2 and ½ years into this. I should be way over it. I admit that the feelings are not near as intense as they were after the BD. But still… I thought that I was lucky that there was no OW in my sitch. But now I will have to go through what everybody else already went through, sigh…
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, You are assuming that he's met someone and is getting serious about them. He may not be doing that at all.
Many of them don't acknowledge their family and friends when a holiday rolls around. I think your h is a very slow MLCer and he's just hit the spot where they don't have much contact. I could be wrong, but I don't think so.
Two phones....well...he could have a personal phone for his use and a second phone for business personnel to contact him. Or, as you said, he could be considering terminating the old phone and trying out a new phone to see how it works for him. He certainly wouldn't need a second phone to keep things private from family and friends, as he really doesn't stay in touch w/them and he's not around them all that much. So, I don't think there's some secret intention behind them.
You are trying to see into the crystal ball and it's not ready to reveal things to you. Your analyzing and mind reading of the holiday will drive you nuts if you allow it. Remember....uRworthy and others have pointed out how nutty they get around the holidays...so this is an "oh well, his loss moment from Thanksgiving".
Continue to move forward. Life is far too short to try to analyze his every move because assumptions sometimes aren't on the target and look at how much time you would have spent on assuming something and it didn't really happen. Enjoy your life and if he should wake up, he's going to ashamed and sorry for the way that he's treated you and others.
Enjoy your weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
kml, thanks for stopping by. We don't have a joint account with H. He switched to a completely different company last year.
It might be the other way around here, he wants to keep her away from me, LOL. Even though I haven't called him in like two years, unless he asks me to. We exchange the texts once in a rare while these days.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, It's possible that you may be correct that he has a "friend" and he doesn't want her to know about you and have access to your data in his "personal" phone. Time may tell what the second phone is all about.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Two phones....My XW also had two phones. One for everyday use and one for OM. OM was actually paying for the second one.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Bright, stop shoulding yourself. I've noticed you do this alot. You beat yourself up for being where you are. Whatever you are feeling is OK!
It's not the worst thing in the world that you still have feelings for the man you married. And, an affair is never a pleasant revelation, no matter when it comes around.
IF he is having an affair, you will handle it...just like you've handled everything else. You are every bit as strong as all the rest of us on here and you will get through it.
He has been on the hunt for an OW for quite some time. You know this. In some ways, he's really pathetic in all his searching. IF he actually found someone, I'm sure she's no catch. And, as we all know, she is irrelevant. He is the problem, no matter how hard he tries to buffer it with distractions. Until he sees himself at the center of the storm, he's not much use to you anyway.
Much Love,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
