Hey Jay, Been reading your sitch and yes this is very hard. My sitch is very, very similar and lucky for me I had some good support from the vets - especially Wonka. My W walked out from me nearly two years ago and had an affair with another woman. In hindsight, I can see the affair starting in the three months leading up to the walk away. Like almost everyone on this site, it was all my fault, the same speech and feeling the same hopelessness about my sitch and myself. I am here to tell you, as others have, do the 180's, work on you and be the best person you can be. It is worth it down the track. You will become a better and more enjoyable person to be with. You will wish you did this many years ago. I wish you the best of luck and even an Act of God. But it is like a drug addict looking for the next "fix". The hard thing down the track is improving ourselves, while the W or H, hasn't worked on themselves. You are doing great Jay, keep it up.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Jay, it has been a tough few days, even nearly two years down the track. This stuff is one of the biggest things we will ever have to go through. In a way (no offence to anyone) it is worse than a death, because we struggle to get over it, we see or hear about the WAS nearly every day. Jay it does get better, again I know, I have been through what you are going through. It took me around 15 months to start improving on the way I thought. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. Whichever way it turns out - you will become a much better person.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Saturday afernoon. I was clearing up things in the kitchen after eating and she comes in - back from the gym. Small talk began - what you doing today etc. I said I had some things to do in town. She says to me shall we go in together! I was so stunned that i had to clarify - "you mean the two of us - together???? She has previously gone out of her way to avoid the two of us doing things together. Then i think she realised what she'd said and quickly stated "it's not a date!"...
So off we go, and then from that point on it's back to the ice queen again. Strained conversation, walking ahead of me - you know the feeing i'm sure - i had to really work hard to get her to talk. Made her smile and even laugh once or twice, such an effort though. Why invite me in the first place? - Perhaps i just should have gone on my own.
Ages: Me 58 Wife 50 Together: 27 years M25 D24 D21 Bomb Droppped 21 June 2014
Ooh, sounds like maybe she was testing the waters!?
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
I was so stunned that i had to clarify - "you mean the two of us - together????
As you know learned here, saying anything personal or making references to "together" will definitely make the WAS turn cold again because they DON'T want you to think that they're warming up.
Pretend she's a new woman you're interested in, but aren't sure knows you exist.
Me: 34 W:33 T: 10 M: 6 S: 6 D: 5 BD: 5/14 Still together(ish) Not giving up: 7/14 D talk has slowed, a lot. Gradually working on things together. Still separate bedrooms. Slow and Steady wins the race.
Hi Wonka, thanks for keeping in touch & looking out for me.
I'm afraid that's it's all blown up around me. Incident packed week. Went out for dinner with my daughters when W was away on business. No contact from her at all for the duration of the trip by the way.
Before we went to dinner eldest was crying in the kitchen and we had a hug and talk.
Eldest D and W are now not talking. More on that later.
Ages: Me 58 Wife 50 Together: 27 years M25 D24 D21 Bomb Droppped 21 June 2014
