"With all of the resources and wisdom that is out there for building solid marriages, it hurts and frustrates me to know that the only thing really holding back our reconciliation is my WAW's inability or unwillingness to CHOOSE to work on it."
This is a false assumption. In the majority of cases, the WAS makes some kind of effort on their own to connect and bring their concerns to the LBS, but the LBS usually doesn't think much of it. These can come out in the form of little comments here and there, talking under their breath, etc. Often the WAS feels like nothing is going to change so they leave.
Just because the LBS feels that they received a "wake up call" they wouldn't have felt that way if the WAS didn't threaten to leave.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Mr Bond. I completely agree with your point. My W did try to make her feelings felt however my W did tell me that we could work on the issues to resolve the situation. I understand what you say about the wake up call is too late for the WAS but you would have to wonder if the LBS is willing to work on it to reach a happy result for all then the WAS maybe should think they actions through.
In my case my Ws actions will affect my 4 children myself and my W. We have very little money and struggle to make ends meet. My wife EA (she denies ) is jobless, alchoholic and bipolar. She maybe happier but for how long. I have re db and I'm following sandis 37 steps. My W seems very upset anirrational at times. Thanks for posting
Absolutely ! It runs all day in my mind. If only h would give an inch, stop bringing up the past, holding onto resentment, if only h would see me for what I'm doing today! Things would be ok.. But they just see the past, they see negative only. At best they see a day without fighting. I will continue trying to improve myself even if h never notices or changes his thoughts. What choice do I have if I want my r to have a chance?
M 2005 ~together 1997 Bd 2006 & 04/02/2014 1 dd 12 H~ 44 Me 48
Hi SJ. Thanks for posting. It's really hard to take. You care some much for this person and they just seem so distant. My W sometimes breaks down and cries and tells me I'm a good father and husband and how did we get to this point and the next day she is back to cold again Very tough. We have to try and stay strong for ourselves and the children. Take care. I honestly feel your pain
Please can someone give me some advice. I am losing my mind My wife is leaving the family home as she does not want to live with me. She is leaving our 4 children as well. She plans to come home most days to cook for the kids and begone before I get home Should I help her leave I have been dbing but she says the changes are not real and she wants to change her life. I'm not sure how accommodating I should be. Please could some long termeds on here help
How did she say "the changes are not real"? Why do you think she feels that way?
Also, if I were you, I wouldn't help her at all. Did she tell the kids already that she's leaving?
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
Minds in. Thank you for posting. My W has a friend from work. He is alcoholic and bi poplar. She spends time with him but I do believe there is nothing phyiscal W is going through menopause and I do trust her. I have been a workaholic trying to build my company. (To no avail). I did not spend quality time with my children and was controlling in subtle ways nothing overt. I went to a life coach and for the last six months I have played everyday with my children (as I should) and found it fantastic. I have stopped all controlling and W now does her. After wife announced she was leaving she stated a that she nenes to be without me and if I won't leave she will and is soon to move out. She said the changes with the children seem genuine but not the others. She also stated in the same conversation that she would give anything to go back to what we had but it was too late. She was extremely upset and is moving to a one bed poo hole. I love my wife but it's mental torture The girl I married is gone and been replaced with a very different person. Any advice greatly received
My best advice for now would be to read DR. I believe a lot of the answers you're looking for will be answered there and you'll be better able to understand the situation and your W's current behavior.
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
