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2BHappy #2489768 09/18/14 02:23 PM
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Im nervous...I'm looking at my H in a very different not helpful DB way. Like who are you (H) to treat me this way, you don't even deserve me!!

I also feel myself slipping back into my thoughts and feelings when I was the WAS. I wonder if H was right,,,soon I would go back to the old me, the me who did not care about H or his needs/feelings,,the me he said who made him now feel the way he does now. He told me almost year ago that the only reason I was acting like I cared now was because he told me he did not want to be a H, nor in a R,,and was only staying for our s14.

Im detaching,,,but now it might not be a "loving" detachment.

So...if Im WAS again, and looking at H like do I even want to be with you...could he be right? Did I only get all worked up during this year because he told me it was over, he was done, ILYBNILWY?

OMgoodness, I know I love my H, but is it only when he is acting and doing what I want him to do, did I DB because H started to treat me like I treated him on and off for years?

I feel like my soul loves my H, but there are many things I want from a R that he does not give me, even before BD.

Oh boy,,now to start doubting if I want this R at all..this is too much


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
2BHappy #2489987 09/22/14 05:07 PM
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Other posts after the above were lost....oh well.

So, my H has some bills he is trying to pay and working a lot of over time and now talking about a 2nd job to take care of them.

I hinted that I could help a lil with more of the bills if that would help him out...but as soon as I said it like NO why should I, he still don't know if he wants to be M to me!

I had hinted last year that I had a lil money saved to help out, H always declines my offer of helping him with money.

We have had some issues in the past around money.

BUT I have enough to help him out of a couple of his situations, which I tried to have him avoid in the 1st place...now he is being threaten with wage garnishments.

I feel like I'm hiding my savings account balance. We have always split the bills 50/50 and had our separate accts etc.

I think if we were in a better place I would tell him about my savings account.

On the other hand I feel like I have to have my own safety net, before BD and especially now!!!

What do you guys think?


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
2BHappy #2489996 09/22/14 05:28 PM
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Hi Happy,

Yes. Protect yourself financially. While your h appears to be responsible with $$$ now, you never know what he future holds.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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I'm with Georgia 100%. Oh how I wish I had protected myself financially before my W left! I just never thought she would do what she did..leave me with a negative balance knowing I wasn't going to get a paycheck for the several weeks at best! He is still not done baking for sure. Protect yourself!

Matt165 #2490077 09/22/14 08:11 PM
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Please do not share w/him that you have an account safely tucked away. You may very well need that nest egg down the road. Protect yourself at all costs. Keep an eye on the accounts and follow up to ensure that the bills are paid, especially if you have a mortgage. Some of these nuts tell you that they've paid the bills and take the money and run off spending carelessly and later on down the road, you begin getting late notices.

Do not trust him when it comes to money. I know you want to, but you can't when he's in crisis. He's not fully baked and even then, I would be careful for another year or so.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Matt165 #2490080 09/22/14 08:15 PM
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This is what I thought.

This money has been put aside for an 911 fund and to help with my sons college in 4 years. This is also the money I will need to help support my son and I on my own if my H decides to leave.

Back in 09 I was struggling to pull myself out of debt (debt that my H help put me in) and once I was out of debt I focused on saving more and really making a budget, part of my past debts were that I was not making enough money and 911 situations came up and my H had a couple of lay offs (not his fault) but I had the debts in my name.

My H and I are different with how we handle money and other situations, my H hopes it will work itself out or go away, and I like to tackle things head on...
But at I point I was spending more then I should have...

And my H trying to take care of money issues now is only because of the threats of garnishment,,,otherwise not sure if he would continue to ignore it...so in the past this is where I would have tried to step in and get it all worked out by helping to pay or making arrangements or taking on more of the bills until H was able to resolve it...this has happened before...


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
2BHappy #2490089 09/22/14 08:43 PM
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He will not learn how to handle money if you continue to bail him out of his jams. Unless the bills are something that you and he both agreed upon and were necessary for living, etc., I would step back and allow him to figure out how to pay them. He's a big boy and I'm sure he'll find a way to do it w/o "mom's" help.

I know you are a fixer and this is tough, but you've got to allow your man/child to grow up on his own.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2490126 09/22/14 10:26 PM
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These are IND bills of my H, one is IRS tax issues that H had long before we were married and continues to not take seriously and continues to avoid paying when he gets new tax years he owes on. I have never filed taxes with him always separate. We had a checking acct together once and when money was taken from it for a bill H owed on, I separated my accts and have keep it that way. The Mtg is in my name only (due to H IRS issues), purchased before we were married.
H wanted us to have joint accts etc and has gotten upset when I refused.

All important home bills are in my name.

It's one less thing we had to argue about by having separate accts, but also H complains about saying I never really wanted things to be together.

I do see he is trying this time, really trying especially since H does not really want to ask me for my help, which is OK with me, more then OK.

Yes, I would be a FOOL to tell him about my savings now!

Side note: H must no longer have his PO BOX, his mail is starting to arrive back at the house.

Last edited by 2BHappy; 09/22/14 10:26 PM.

Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
2BHappy #2490463 09/23/14 08:37 PM
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Not sure if my Salsa dancing classes BIG GAL post was erased,,,but I had planned on this being my BIG GAL, but due to weight issues and knee issues, I have been advised to lose a min of 30lbs before doing any high impact workouts or salsa dancing.

So my BIG GAL will be to lose weight, 70lbs total get this weight off of me, I also feel like my weight problem interfers with how I feel about myself and sometimes how I respond to people and situations, it has been a problem for YEARS and doing my GAL and focus on myself I realize this is not something I'm happy or comfortable with, and something I have been wanting to work on for me for years! Honestly it has stopped some of my GAL's and now again my plans to Salsa. I could provide a list of things my weight has stopped me from participating in, and this has got to stop now!


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
2BHappy #2491168 09/25/14 05:43 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
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Just learned this am that one of mine and H favorite performer/singer is in town tonight ONLY, so I'm trying to make arrangements so I can go, ticket, sitter (very late) and outfit, and someone to go with...

So I mention to H that if I can make it happen I will be going,
Me: Did you know about the concert
H; Yes
Me: I wish you would have told me
H; Well I have to work, so,,,
Me: Well I would have had time to buy ticket and make arrangements to go
H: Well its stand up concert and it will be cold tonight
Me: Its actually beautiful outside today and will be lovely tonight
H: Well I'm off to work talk to you later

So in my teenage voice I said to myself H is a "hater" LMAO
Off to beg someone to attend this concert with me.

Why did he not tell me, now I'm working hard on being his friend, his roommate, giving him space & time, kinda hurts a little, even though its only a concert, but at least H could want me to be happy to enjoy myself. Dang H could try to be a better friend to me!!!!


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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