Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 115
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 115
frown Hang in there.


BF:40 M:33
SD: 12
T: 8, never married, no kids together
BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try".
PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 151
F
FunDad Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 151
Had a great day today. Got to play in church, again. Went to see my grandma and did a small side job this evening (that my wife would normally have said no to). So, a good GAL day!

Meanwhile in the reality of the Big D land, I'm gathering all the financial docs the court will need to divide my income and our assets. What a drag that is.

So, like many others, I feel ups and downs. Detached and then grieved. My mother says she thinks I will take off like a rocket when this thing is done and will not be looking back, at least to my spouse. That's encouraging yet at the same time concerning because I do want her back, but she must be able to admit her part in this, and not just come back for money. How awful would that be for her to say "I get a second chance" if she can't or won't admit her issues ALSO played a part.

FD


Me:40
W:39
M:Dec 95
Split: Jul 14
W Filed: 9/16/14
Several Children
(including adopted)
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 151
F
FunDad Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 151

I meet again with my Attorney this morning. I have delivered to her all of our financial info. If I sell the house, I could wipe out all our debt and start back at zero. I'd have to fix up the house alot to sell it, but it may be easier to just do that and start over. Otherwise, I carry the debt load. I can afford child support and alimony, but not that AND all the debt. My hope is that I can keep the house however so the kids can have a place to visit, but I don't know if the memories here will be a good thing or bad thing yet for everyone. I do like the idea of having the house for in case that my W decides to reconcile. It's still here.

I've not missed any payments during this whole thing, so I still have a "good" credit score.

My wife is still steadfast about the D. I have been helping her with little things here and there, and she won't hesitate to ask for "favors", mainly dealing with the children. No letters or begging from me at all. I did notice, that she has a new FB friend that she had an online EA with several years ago. He's a creep, and it makes me angry to see this. She had promised to break off all contact with him. I guess that deal is off too.

I'm just wanting this nightmare to end.

Wish me luck.

FD


Me:40
W:39
M:Dec 95
Split: Jul 14
W Filed: 9/16/14
Several Children
(including adopted)
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 216
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 216
Quote:
Meanwhile in the reality of the Big D land, I'm gathering all the financial docs the court will need to divide my income and our assets. What a drag that is.


I know... seeing your entire R converted into numbers on a spreadsheet in order to be hacked apart... it is awful.

Hang in there. On one hand, there is always a chance of reconciliation. Always. You have a history, you are tied together with your kids. You'll have many opportunities to be seen by her as you live a good life without her and she'll be rethinking herself and her poor decisions.

On the other hand, you've got to move forward as if you are already D, as if this is your life and you've accepted it. It was very hard for me to reach this point but when I could do it, everything shifted for me in a positive way. By accepting the end of my M, I felt like I had gained control in my life.

That's not to say I still don't mess up, forget that I've accepted it, fall down, cry, or feel bad. I still do. It's the consistent, forward progress you make that is important.


M:54, H:55
T:33, M:27
12/13 BD: EA
01/14 BD: PA, H leaves
03/14 H & OW break up
05/14 H says he will file for D
08/14 H initiates D
09/14 H wants to R
12/14 Still bungling our way through R
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
Hang in there, FunDad. I have to file my response today, and I'm dreading it.


M 16 T 17
W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14
ILYBNIL 5/14
A discovered 6/14
D papers served via USPS 8/14
Filed my response 9/14
D final 5/15...
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 441
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 441
Fun Dad- in same boat as you! Its hard and it doesn't make sense to you! I realize that I cant help my W find happiness! That comes from within her! I know its hard but think its best to be the best you can be. Show her by actions what a good person she is leaving and maybe sometime soon she will realize it!


M 54
W 48
T 19
M 17
D 12
Twin S 6
Twin S 6
Ilybnilwy 1/26/14
A discovered 2/3/14
D filed 7/25/14
Sumons served 8/14/14

Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 151
F
FunDad Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 151

So I guess some good news. It appears as I expected it would financially. She's probably only going to get a couple hundred more per month from me than she currently is. This is because I pay ALL of our debt, her insurance(s), and did not force her to leave the home. I may have to take the debt to keep the house however. That's worth it to me so I think I'm good. If she fights it, we can just recommend to the judge that she move her and kids back in to the marital home and I go somewhere else. Also, my son living with me has a mental disorder that does not bode well for him moving, again. So, I may get to relive my childhood in the bachelor pad and work extra odd jobs to pay down the debt.

My counselor does not think this is the end for us. He describes it as she's on the highway headed south, and won't exit and turn around until this door has been closed (The D). Once she does exit, there will have to be some conditions to start the turn around, of which this board is all about. I really believe that she will eventually turn around, but, it's just so painful waiting.

If you have not seen the post today labeled "I'm going to be ok" it's worth the read. I think I'm going to be ok too, just anxious waiting to be sure.

FD


Me:40
W:39
M:Dec 95
Split: Jul 14
W Filed: 9/16/14
Several Children
(including adopted)
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 151
F
FunDad Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 151

Well, today at kid pick up my wife said I smelled nice. Chalk up one for the DB score. :-) I also attended a professional training luncheon today and sat by a women who knows my wife. She said she's sorry about our situation. I thanked her, talked with her some, and told her this is not my finish line.

I did also let my wife not today that my attorney would be delivering any support I provide her to her attorney (we are in pre-temporary hearing land negotiation). At the end of that short conversation she replied "You mean you are not going to cooperate?". She seemed a bit nervous asking me that. I simply told her I'm following the advice of my attorney (which I did not tell her includes no alimony).

She may have to get a job. Which is not what I wanted for her, but she just may have to do that. We will see.

FD


Me:40
W:39
M:Dec 95
Split: Jul 14
W Filed: 9/16/14
Several Children
(including adopted)
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
I know how you feel.

If she has to get a job, ultimately that's going to be her fault/decision. But it still doesn't remove your pain and disappointment, I get it.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 216
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 216
Yes, she has made a decision, and she must live with the consequences of her decision.

She's probably created a WAW movie script that says she can have an A, D you, and then have everything paid for by you. You ARE cooperating with her, but you are living in the Real World, which of course is at odds with the movie she's creating. You certainly have no obligation to play along in the role she assigned you.

Big wakeup call coming for her!


M:54, H:55
T:33, M:27
12/13 BD: EA
01/14 BD: PA, H leaves
03/14 H & OW break up
05/14 H says he will file for D
08/14 H initiates D
09/14 H wants to R
12/14 Still bungling our way through R
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard