Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
E
edz Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
Part of my gal is my weight and also getting myself back in shape. I'm doing one meal a day (Google it its not a severe diet or starvation) working for me. So I tend to do black coffee, orange juice / water in the day then either soft drink or a large peroni with dinner and water or soft drink until the end of the day. Trying to avoid drinks with lots of sugar (oj is difficult here) as that can make you crave food more!


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 205
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 205
One of my gals Is weight loss also I'm going to start doing circuit training next week need to get back to the body I had when I was in my twentys lol


Me 40
W 37
Together 22 years
S18
D12
WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months
W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life
After the 2 weeks she has left .
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
E
edz Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
Cool, you wont need to worry so much on the carbs then. I have bad nerve damage in my leg from an incident in my teens so cant really do impact stuff, hence the swimming!


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
E
edz Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
No contact again today. Nothing relating to the email bits I asked or about S or mentioning Thursday evening but of course I know if I do I'll hear she thinks it's better if she has space or there'll be something else (I'll be deeply surprised if she keeps that pencilled in time)

It's another trip down the coaster tonight alright.

Utterly fed up and off to bed. On the plus side I'm seeing my c tomorrow so at least I can discuss what I can do for me in the meantime.

Thanks for listening all.

Last edited by edz; 09/16/14 09:54 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
E
edz Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
Morning all. W texted me this morning to say she's had a change of plan and is taking S tomorrow so no talk. As always she's off in a rush taking S to an event but said she will be in touch over the weekend which I assume is for S coming over.

It's a long haul this..worse I think it's going to cost me my relationship with my dad as he's opinionated and not helping at the moment. Asked him calmly and quietly for some room on this but he's still pushing at me. Sigh seems I can't win right now. Ah well just keep going I suppose. In front of w and s staying pma and the best me possible but myself just feel...nothing right now.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 205
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 205
Can't get the PMA infront of W , I think I am but she would then say she could see the hurt and sadness in my eyes .
It changes you inside .

And yes agree it's a long haul but how long do you haul for before realisation ?

Hope you have a good day


Me 40
W 37
Together 22 years
S18
D12
WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months
W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life
After the 2 weeks she has left .
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
E
edz Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
Well spoke to C today and thats helped. W texted me again to say S was tired after today so she couldnt speak this evening. She's clearly in an avoiding mood but believe less than 50% etc so I just said I know he must be and dont worry I will catch up with her at the weekend.

W is pinging between a state of not wanting to talk then texting / wanting to talk. I know she really wants out of MIL from what she said but the money isnt there from what I know.

For my own sanity trying to lean away until we have a time she's comfortable with but from experience I think shes going to keep me at arms length for a while.

C helped me get a perspective on things today but still very down this evening, car is having some more work tomorrow so may take it for a spin tomorrow night after work to get out.

Meantime tonight made a nice meal and trying to chill out without worrying or overanalysing but I really wish she'd just sit down and talk to me, re read some chapters last night though and she's following the trajectory spookily close, hurt and in conflict with herself over what she wants (without trying to mindread)

Anyway off to try to chill. Nearly through another week

Edz


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
E
edz Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
Not much to report today, had to contact W as she had a delivery here this morning (she forgot to cancel a self repeating wine order) so I mentioned she may want to pick it up when convenient.

She mentioned S has been invited to go boating at the weekend and was that ok (one day or the other she is still checking) I dont have an issue with that as long as I get him either fri night / sat or sat night / sun.

Did mention if she has a day without S may be a good time to get together for a talk (not necessarilly M but we have a lot of bits to get sorted along the line of whether she wants to pick up her stuff or leave it here for now - no room at MIL for it and since they are storing stuff offsite theres nowhere to put it.

And thats it really, another £180 spent on the car for the front bushes / arms and got it back from the garage.

Still feeling down and more than a little empty, worried about the next few months but Im trying to relax as much as possible and continue working on 180s/GAL/improving myself.

I just really wish W would stop running around quite so much and spend 5 minutes talking!


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
E
edz Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
Ah I see the forum goblin has been a goblin here as well. Mmm odd, I build these kind of systems, no idea why they're pruning on a live dataset or why (storage space? Turn on compression guys!) Anyway none of my beeswax (see 180 on being a fixit / knowitall as well)

Précis of my weekend, I'll cut and paste this to a file and paste back if it goes again!

Saturday went and met W before picking S up from Tennis. As I'd said W doesn't want S staying over here or visiting as "it upset him" no more details that that - but in discussions sounds like S is saying he doesn't want to be there, then W backtracked and said he's fine now, so not sure what the issue is but right now antagonism didn't seem the right plan. She has said if I move somewhere neutral she wont have an issue, she did admit she had been thinking if I moved she could move back in here but then decided against it as it needs work and is too noisy for her.

W seems very set that she wants to just be in a place with S only, doesn't want to be at MILs any more although she says stress with S has abated. Asked will she be ok since she's planning on giving up her job to Home Educate and she said yes, parents will fund her. This shocked me a bit but I tried to validate, she's never been the kind to want help like that and wanted to do things herself plus this will put MIL firmly in the driving seat, didn't drink from that poisoned chalice though and just repeated its absolutely not what I want to do but I'm getting on with things and I respect her decisions to do what she has to for her and so our S is as happy as he can be.

She mentioned texts / emails were stressing her out, didn't think I'd been overdoing it and certainly haven't been pursuing R (no begging, pleading etc) as I was really just trying to co ordinate S's activities as she wont meet up and talk except before tennis occasionally (and the last time she burst into tears) but asked her to explain more and validated as per the book!!

Much as I tried it did impact my day with S somewhat as I replayed it in my head and felt pushed further away. As we couldn't go to the apartment, we spent most of the day at a Southampton Mall, ToysRus, mcdonalds etc then he helped me get my shopping for the next few days and then we had a bash in an arcade. Did feel good about one of my 180s though, S loves the arcade game 'Hummer Extreme' and it's been removed from the arcade (lots was broken on the 4 cabinets) he got upset and started to get himself wound into knots about it but I stayed calm and within minutes he was happy and we were playing air hockey, the old me would have let that spiral out of control and it probably would have been an early end to the day and stress all round so that did buoy my spirits a little that I'm improving myself and my relationship with him if nothing else!

Towards the end we sat down for a drink before I took him to MILs and I started to feel really down about being alone for the rest of the weekend and starting to feel like the rest of my life but tried to stay PMA as I don't like offloading anything negative near S, not fair, he again was asking why we couldn't all be together so again said that right now mummy doesn't want to live with daddy and so its best we are in different places, nothing to do with him, he's done absolutely nothing wrong and he shouldn't be upset or blame mummy just the way things are. Difficult, as I'm sure those with children on here with WAS's feel, it's not what you want to say as you want to rant about you having no flippin' idea why go ask mummy!!!

So I took him back and then decided to go partial NC (how do you do that? Well I don't initiate any texts emails etc unless I need to know something about S and only about S and not "fluffy" questions like did he enjoy his activities, I can ask him myself when I see him), got to this morning though and while I'm on a work conference call my own mobile rings and it's W. Couldn't answer so texted back asking simply, is everyone ok, on a conf call at the mo.

Turns out her oil light has come on and the oil I kept in the box in the boot has almost run out, on the first notch on the dipstick but she doesn't want to drive it and S is in the car.

Now I made sure (probably stupidly) when I had to get my car (see previous posts if they're still there) that she is covered by the AA in the UK (equivalent of AAA over in the US, not alcoholics anonymous) and everything's covered including relay, parts repair etc, she knows this as I gave her a new membership card two weeks ago. If she'd called them and said she was a woman with a child in the car they'd probably have been there in 10-15 minutes, less than she had to wait for me and for me to go to the garage and get oil and come back.

Now I'm not complaining about that mini trip as I took S while W decided to wait with her car so I got to see him unexpectedly which is always a great thing.

I must admit I did think about making this a boundary thing, (vets, is this cake eating using me for help on mechanics?) but with S in the car thought that would make me a appear to be more of a jerk who didn't care about S and since two of the biggest 180s on my list are work/life & family misbalance and not showing S I care enough thought this was a good opportunity that outbalanced the cake eating risk.

W was very appreciative and asked me how much the oil cost, told her but I didn't ask for it back. I stayed PMA, efficient and friendly throughout, didn't mention work or interruption and was playful with S. Tried to show their importance to me without mentioning it.

They're off for a HE meetup today so reminded wife of AA cover in case of issues once she's out of the area, left the oil with her in the boot after checking levels and advised she check it before she sets off for the return trip.

I'm now going back to (sort of) NC (as much as you can when kids are involved), it hurts to do this completely as I hadn't been pursuing but have to admit to having a lot digital contact because of S. In conflict with myself at the moment on the best things to do and I keep getting myself in a flap over the upcoming holidays, I know I need to detach more and GAL but that's so difficult over here as we (obviously) don't have thanksgiving, make less of an issue over Halloween so we already have Christmas stuff turning up in shops reminding me everytime I get the groceries for the week.

Anyway off for now, if anyone gets to read this, I'd value your feedback.

Thanks


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
E
edz Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
Forum wont let me edit now (max time has expired, seems rather broken)

[EDIT - forgot this the first time - This was talking saturday morning while S played Tennis]

W said she and S had had a few years of issues (see my original postings and 180s list) and much as Im showing changes its not something they (I think I remember this right) could take as read overnight. Now that seems a good sign to me but as I said above seems to be in complete conflict with the other things she's saying. Without straying to mindreading I think she's conflicted on whats for the best but is just scared on backtracking in case my changes dont stick and S gets upset again, validated, validated, validated and just asked her to carry on talking until she changed the subject.

Last edited by edz; 09/22/14 10:53 AM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard