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Roid76 Offline OP
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I am getting a lot things from her over the last few days. She is saying things that lead me to believe she's tired of this and wants to try but is scared. She has never been good with decisions, and I think is waiting on me to do something to help her along. I don't want to, but I don't want to lose her either. What do I do?

Tonight, we talked about how she feels uncomfortable around me, and doesn't know how to change that feeling to let me back in. She said she just wants to feel like she is living again and not just going through life. She said that she doesn't know how to let me back in and is lost and down. To me it's like she is wanting to do something but is scared to death to get hurt again. I just tried to validate, and told her how I felt. She said that she couldn't say she loves me, but then texts back that she was sorry she wasn't good enough, and that she wasn't good enough to not be where she is so lost. I have no idea where to go with that. I have a feeling I should just try to show more love toward her when we see each other, try to touch her, or slight gestures, but I don't know for sure. My all about being lost!!!!


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Roid76 Offline OP
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Things have been going very well. We have had a lot of convos about a possible future together. She is still a bit hesitant, but warns up more everyday. Still some work to do, but right now it's kind of crappy timing. I just sold my house, in my name only, and need to figure out what to do next! Where am I going to move, what should I be thinking about to help make decisions. Going to be a tough few weeks upcoming.


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Roid76 Offline OP
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It has been a long time since I have been on her. We are now living under the same roof. I am buying her out of her lease. We have been together now for a bit over a week. Nothing is set in stone we are taking it day by day, but it has been very good so far. The move was very last minute and very chaotic, and we made it through that, so that's a bonus. She has even said she loves me a couple of times. I still don't push, and just try things out to see what works. If it doesn't work, I move on never stopping. I think the biggest thing was just never giving up. We talked a lot in the end, and I pushed but gently.

We have had good times and rough times, but are actually laughing some. We have yet to connect completely in our relationship, but I think little bits at a time, still small steps to the bigger prize. Thanks for all the help, from those that did.


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Hey Roid, I believe I am in a similar spot with my W right now. She told me a couple weeks ago that she wanted to start working on things to see where it will go. She also told me that she couldn't guarantee that her feelings for me will come back but her telling she wants to try is definitely a step in the right direction. Which I appreciated.

At the time I was totally blindsided by this but I totally validated her and agreed that we should take things slow. Since then we have had a couple dates.The First one wasn't really a date (although I consider it to be), but I invited her to spend time with my nieces and I on their girls day, not thinking she would accept, but she did! It was during this time that she was affectionate and like her old self with me. However a day after she said she realized that even doing that was going to fast so now we are still taking things slowly, more like good neighbor/best friends like way. The second one we went to dinner and it was good but not great because I backslid into talking about our R, but it was good because she realized that it needed to happen.

Our next date is coming up this weekend and It is at a really nice fancy restaurant so it will give me a chance to show her the handsome side of me and hopefully it won't get awkward although our communication lately has been pretty good, so I'm confident that it won't be.

Anyway, I digress a bit, apologies. Its good to hear that things are getting better with your sitch. Sounds like you are doing all the right things right now. Keep it up! Wishing you the best.


Me:31 W:28
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T:14 M:8
BD:09/24/14
Separation 09/25/14
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Roid76 Offline OP
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Might need some guidance if possible. We have been living together for almost 4 months now. Just this weekend, something changed not sure what. She went from being somewhat fun to telling me she is just not feeling anything. I know I have backslid a bit from time to time. Trying my best to keep it up beat and fun, but life is stressful. She said she's not leaving, but did say she did it for the wrong reasons, coming back. Her family she said pushed her into it, from them telling her it was the right thing.

I have tried to talk to her, but don't get much. She has said that she doesn't see any fun in me, and wants someone who she can fun with and live. My problem is she has a disease that hurts her body and she is going to school for her nurse practitioners degree. So she is co scantly wore out and wants to lay in bed all day. Depression is part of her problem as well. She sees a doctor for it and takes meds, but it only seems to help from time to time. She recently switched medicine a little, I think may be part of why she is going back to this state.

She has mentioned that she still doesn't unewsstand how I could have his things and did what I did to someone I love. I just don't have the words to say how sorry I am, and how I want to be different. And like I said I still struggle with everything. I need more time to work on me I guess. But living together and not being intimate or sharing any emotional stuff at all is tearing me apart.

Would it be wise to just basically go cold with her again? Or try something else. I'm really at a loss here. Wishing I had not taken the chance so soon to get together again. I'm sure she feels stuck and it's really affecting her. I'm not even allowed to say she is pretty or anything from the convo this weekend. Very disheartening.


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I have done the most stupid thing I could have. I pushed to hard and we are back to where we started I think again. She wants to leave, and doesn't want anything to so with me. She says I did too much and she can't forget or forgive me. There is nothing to do at this point. I don't think she can fess my leave money wise. The only thing I can do is start over again.

She keeps saying that she will never feel pretty or be able to trust me again. It's hard not to believe all of that this time. I don't know if this is the point to give up or just keep trying with her. I guess really to keep trying means to just let her be, and don't really say much. I'll have too see if I can get anything back, and remember not to push. I was saying I love you, and was making passes at her as well for sex. Nothing major, but I think that drive her away. She said I wanted things she didn't want.

It's tough to try and fix this, and not be trying to be intimate. This all happened quickly, and I thought a few signs meant good things. But I pressed to hard, she said I was being selfish again for my needs only. I thought I was doing this for us, but it was only for me. I hope I can get back to trying to show her things that make her feel that I care about her.


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It's finally over. She told me over the weekend that she wasn't attracted to me, didn't want to touch or me to touch her. She doesn't want to be alone with me, and doesn't think it will come back. I think I'm finally ready to give up.

It still hurts very much, but also like a weight lifted. I'm still going to continue with myself getting to a better spot, but have a lot of work to do. Need to get out of a lease somehow, figure out the kids arrangements and so on. Feeling heartbroken of course, but I know right now this is for the better.


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Hey Roid! You were one of the very first people to comment on my thread and I have often wondered how you were doing.

Sorry to see you back under these circumstances. It sounds like you have fairly clear picture of what you want for now.

Take care of yourself right now.


2 Ds: 7 and 4
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Divorce Final 2/16
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I have finally came to the realization, that I have never truly let go. I never did enough for me. And I definitely was still very selfish throughout all of this. Thinking a few things would fix my underlying issues. I have never been able to fully break free from a crippling addiction to pornography. And it has basically led me here.

It hit me last week, that I am still thinking only of me. Still thinking of ways to make my life right. I have chased, begged, pleaded, and made myself a fool for something that I don't even know if it's right. I have to break free and find myself again, in order to figure this out.

I snooped some this weekend, saw some stuff on FB, and instead of thinking before I talked, I just talked. I am constantly pursuing something, that doesn't want anything to do with me. I have to break the chains, and I can do that. I can move forward and live a healthy life. Right now neither the W or I are very healthy. In the dee recesses of my mind, I can't shake that I did love her, and I do want to be with her. That part is going to be the hardest to shake. However, if I don't shake that, even our relationship for the kids suffers. And that can't happen. I have to be bigger than this, and show my kids it's okay to split, it doesn't mean the end of the world. It doesn't mean we have to fight and argue all the time. It just means we enter a new chapter.

I am going to try to post on here some in hopes of not bugging her. Keep my thoughts and actions to myself, and be more self aware of what I'm doing. But I want this for me now, to heck with her, I want to be a good dad, and a good man again. That's something I have lost over the years. And I want it back!!!


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I must also confess all my wrong doings to someone. I have started with some family and friends, but need to do it here too.

A few months back, I was hit on by a very good friends W. We exchanged numerous sexual texts, and a few photos. It never led anywhere other than that, but she couldn't habdke the guilt. She finally told her H and my W, all that had happened. I regret it, I was in the fog, and look back going how could I. But it was easy, quick fix, not so quick problem. I literally fixated on her for over a month. When the news broke to my wife, that was it I think. We were doing ok, and then bam, but even then, I know the odds were long.

The whole time we were back, I had gotten back into porn surfing, and masturbation. I wasn't able to control my sexual feelings, and not able to act upon them. It has been over 2 years since I have touched a woman, and it will be even longer for it to happen again. My addiction has caused me to lose sight of my morals and what I truly value.

Not but a day after her telling me that she didn't find me attractive and disn't want to touch me,I flirted with another woman over FB, and got busted with that. I seriously have no control over my emotions and what they make my decisions do. But I can't live like that. All I'm trying to do is live in a fantasy, where I get all my desires fulfilled, it's just not a healthy way to live.

I can say, I do love my wife, I do want to be with her, but right now, I can't even love myself. I am disgusted, and need to let her live the life she needs right now. In my mind I still think I have a [censored] at happiness with her. But in order to get there, I have to be over the porn, over my confidence issues, and in a better place for me. I really just want to be happy and live again. When I snooped on her over the weekend, I realized I am more jealous of her having a good time, and me just sitting at home. And that's just not right. I have to live through me, and do what I want. What she does is of nothing to me right now. If I'm lucky I come out the other side of this with a new lease on life. I just hav me to understand that it's not going to be with her, or anyone else for a while. Thanks for listening.


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