W had to go to NY to have a meeting with her boss. She was super worried and we talked a little about it. So I sent her a short email telling her that I hope everything is ok. She said she had called and my phone sent it straight to voice mail. So I told her to call back and she did. She said the meeting went well and she was worried for no reason. She said she was super busy but kept talking for another ten minutes. I told her that I was proud of her and that she was a good boss. She said thank you and said she would call to let me know when she would be coming home.
Later I had football practice for S11. I took S10 with me and gave him my phone because my shorts had no pockets. I told him to answer the phone if his mom called. She called and he did not answer or bring me the phone. When I saw she called I called back and she said she also sent mail and if I read it. I told her what happened and returned her call first. She wanted me to pick her up at the train station. The email was about the anniversary celebration of the state spangled banner and the light rail is a mess. The thing is all the light rail problems were in the other direction and she would have been fine. I picked her up.and she was very tired and I have learned that when she is tired like that she doesn't talk. She was also very hungry but didn't know what to eat. Every suggestion I made she said no but I kept it under three because anymore and she gets frustrated. So I said I would take her home and go pick her up some soup and she said that was a good idea.
Later that night when I went to bed , I now sleep in the middle our bed has a little mound because of us sleeping a little far apart. I woke up and her leg was on mine. I know I shouldn't take this as a sign or anything more than what it was but she wa little restless and I could tell she was awake . Because I crave her touch I didn't move because then she would move her leg. I fell asleep and woke up.later and it was still there.
I fought the urge to touch her more even though I want to. Touch is my ll and she hasn't done it in so long.
So I had thought we had made a major breakthrough today. W said she was going to S11 football game today and it rained so she stayed home. She had asked if I could ask my mother to come over and do her hair and I made the arrangements the same weekend. I have made it a point to do what she asked as soon as I can.
So the big breakthrough was she drove me to work and took herself to the gym. I was hoping that it would show her that she does have freedom at home. So the setback was that my boss kept me a little late and she hates that. I apologized and showed that I saw what was wrong with the way it turned out.
I had to work early today so W would be responsible for the kids. The second day in a row she dropped me off at work. She took the kids to the park and drove herself to the gym.
Got off of work later than I thought and called her to pick me up. When she picked me up she seemed to be agitated. I asked what was wrong and she said that she was not. I said you clearly have a problem talk to me. She wanted to know why I had gotten off of work late. I said something's needed to be taken care of before I left. She said that she did not have a problem with my job and we left it at that. I don't know why she was upset about this. I didn't call her until I needed to be picked up from work. I cooked dinner before I left but she still seemed agitated.
On the flip side this morning I to kiss her on the cheek, she didn't say no or think I was joking and let me. This has been the first kiss I have given her in three months.
I wrote an email to m W today letting her know thAt I understood that she was having problems with not being able to do some of the things she wanted to do. I also told her that I was there for her and that I loved her very much. She responded to this email which was rare with concern for me asking if everything was ok and that we will talk later.
I picked her up from the gym and we went to have dinner but the market closes early on Mondays. So we just picked up some things to eat and went home. She usually leaves on Mondays but I think this is the second week in a row where she stayed till Tuesday. She also seemed to be in really good spirits and we talked and joked a lot. I also touched her a lot and let my hand linger so far so good.
So W stayed home last night when she usually goes to her place. I asked her to stay because I had to work late. Our communication is better but she still eats her words. She came to S11 football game this weekend and dropped me off at work. She also made dinner for the kids. We were like the family we were years ago. I am learning that although I want to help and so things for her she wants to do the same with me.
This morning I dropped her bag off at her place for her. I told her we didn't need to do this I would have dropped it off to her. She said that she didn't want to inconvence me. I told her that I think that we had become so conscience of not wanting to bother the other that we stopped asking each other to do things.
So we took the kids go kart racing this weekend and we both raced also. She said she had fun. I think the first part of my plan is working and she is reintegrating back into the family.
As far as our R she still will not talk about it. We do talk more and I talk with her about decisions about the kids. I hope the things I am doing is working .
So I haven't been on for a while and things seem to be in limbo with my W. She didn't give me an answer but we talked about an incident with the dog and I said that you haven't forgiven me for a lot of our peoblems. She said I am not going to agree or disagree. So she hasn't forgiven me and I think she has a lot of repressed anger. Some times it seems the better I do she gets angry for some reason.
Told my W that I don't believe that she has forgiven me in her heart. In her head she believes that she has but not in her heart. She said that she was busy and would call later so we can talk which is becoming more frequent when we have things to talk abot. It's 7:00 and no call from her. This is one of my problems with her is her communication skills or the lack of calling me and leaving me hanging. She did it a lot during our M and she still keeps at it. I am still trying to reconnect reconnect with her and it's going very slowly but it is working. She has a schedule in her head that she will not deviate from and it's like a wall between us. So she leaves but doesn't like where she is staying and will not stay home.
Friday, I picked my W up to bring her home. I have started to pull back a little. She seems to have noticed because she talked to me a lot. Stopped and got dinner and went home. Got up the next morning and did some cleaning and gave her a little space. She decided to go to S11 football game. The weather turned a little cold and she was not dressed for it. Just so happened to be homecoming and they had a lot of things for sale so I got her a sweatshirt. She wore the sweatshirt for the rest of the day which is not like her.
During the week we had a conversation and she expressed how much she enjoyed spending time with the boys and dreamed of the day when she had her own place and could do things she wanted to do with them. I stated that no one was stopping her from doing that now. I also said that if she enjoyed that so much we could change the arraignments we have. She said no that she didn't want anything to change on the weekends.
I am scheduled to work Monday night and she has said she would stay without me asking her too.
