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BigMac Offline OP
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So I go through my email, and the WAW is now pushing mediation down the pipe. Princess impatient is who she is. She says she just wants closure, and support.

I guess I am just a cash cow to her, and I'm feeling that was all I ever was.

I wish that I had done better.


Me: 35
Her: 33
D : 16
S : 9
Together: 14 years
Married: 12
She left 4/14/2014
Separated: 5/25/2014
OM Confirmed 7/2014
She filed 8/7/2014
I Filed 10/21/2014
Divorce final 2/12/2015
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Me-70, D37,S36
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BigMac Offline OP
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Thanks Cadet. I'm a little bit lost in my head right now. I appreciate the help with the links.


Me: 35
Her: 33
D : 16
S : 9
Together: 14 years
Married: 12
She left 4/14/2014
Separated: 5/25/2014
OM Confirmed 7/2014
She filed 8/7/2014
I Filed 10/21/2014
Divorce final 2/12/2015
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 271
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BigMac Offline OP
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So, update.
She is still pushing Mediation down the pipe, and did bring up reconciliation not as a topic she would like to discuss, but saying that if we were to reconcile that she would want new rings....

I am not trying to mind read her, but holy hell. That is kind shallow.


Me: 35
Her: 33
D : 16
S : 9
Together: 14 years
Married: 12
She left 4/14/2014
Separated: 5/25/2014
OM Confirmed 7/2014
She filed 8/7/2014
I Filed 10/21/2014
Divorce final 2/12/2015
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Hahaha! Well, from one perspective I can see it as super shallow, too, and that makes me laugh. "new marriage, new diamond. Duh!". LOL Oh, that cracks me up.

However, on the other side of things I can kind of see new rings as a whole new start. I've even considered it myself as something I'd want. I don't care if it's just a silver band for both of us, it's not the cost, it's the representation, the visible reminder of what we've worked for and that it's new and different and whole.

Maybe you're mind reading into thinking she wants a 6 ct Harry Winston? I don't know. Try not to mind read in that case because in the end, the prize will be the marriage, the rings (new or old) will just be a representation of that and that's not really something to worry about right now.


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
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At least she has thought a LITTLE about reconciliation. Stay positive!


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
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BigMac Offline OP
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She has only mentioned reconciliation in a negative light, basically saying it won't happen. She does keep bringing it up, I don't.


Me: 35
Her: 33
D : 16
S : 9
Together: 14 years
Married: 12
She left 4/14/2014
Separated: 5/25/2014
OM Confirmed 7/2014
She filed 8/7/2014
I Filed 10/21/2014
Divorce final 2/12/2015
Joined: Apr 2014
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Originally Posted By: BigMac
She is still pushing Mediation down the pipe


Will this be done in TX or CA?

Either way, turn the PMA to 11 because W will get a real taste of what post D life will look like. Child possession, child support, splitting assets are going to turn Austin from fantasyland to realityland. And guess who W will take all this out on? Handle it with grace and don't get dragged down.

How is working with the IC going? Make a list here of how Mac is better today than BD day.


me: 45 W:45
M 20 years
T 22 years
S14, S13, S11, D9
BD 2/28/14
D papers served 3/3/14
I moved out 3/15/14
MC start 4/2/14
I moved in 6/2/14
D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
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BigMac Offline OP
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Thanks for the heads up Nettles. This past month has been that transition from fantasy to reality for her. She has been very very very angry with me as she has to balance checkbooks, and not go hang with the OM all the time because she is a mom.

She filed in Ca, and while I don't want to get into the details of the legal process, it's hard either way.

We had coffee last night which lasted 2 hours. It sounds like Fantasy Land is already starting to turn into reality land. She has bills now, maxed out credit cards, child responsibilities, and apparently the OM has been pulling back.

I had her meet me at this cool little coffee / beer bar to discuss helping out with some financial challenges she was having. This is the classic rescuer pattern that we have had in the past. While I'm not entirely comfortable with it, since it does involve health and welfare of the children it's on the table for me.

So we schedule the time to talk, and she starts talking about work, our industry, basically anything but the hard subject. Honestly, I was planning on being there for max 20 min, not 2 hours. I did my active listening, joked around a little bit.

Even laughed with her super hard for a moment. A bird was picking acorns and one hit her leg, and while she was looking up I went to go throw a small acorn on her to mess around, and it ended up getting caught between her teeth. We shared a really good hysterical laughing fit.

While were hanging out she saw firefly's and were both leaning over the railing side by side spotting them. It felt like the old days, just exploring the world together... I hate to say it, I miss those days. A lot.

She talked about how she doesn't do anything, just sits at home. That she hasn't done anything since she has been here (the reality is, that was all hung up in the OM hanging with him, or stuck at work). (I was surprised she hadn't been to the place I met her at, it's on her side of town). Apparently I have lived more in the couple weeks I've been her then she has in months.. (that's what you get for falling for an introverted loser... the OM).

She talked about how she is thinking of transferring divisions at work (that would put her not working with the OM). Apparently the whole lure of her little fake startup has ended. (we call this the Polyanna phase in our industry). I tried to warn her about this when this whole thing started... of course she didn't listen.

I did open up about a little vulnerability in myself. We had some friends in from out of town, and one of them basically blew me off to go to dinner with her, but didn't tell me until really late at night. I basically told W that the thing I missed the most was our friendship. That we were best friends for all of our adult lives, and that's what hurts the most.

We brought up some things some friends had passed on (when I was deep in the anger phase I opened up to a couple people that were gossip queens). That got back to W. We also discussed a conversation that was proper with a good friend, that was just how I should have handled it.

I owned that this process has been hard emotionally for me. And that sometimes I just need someone to hold me and say that it will be alright. W confided that the OM just sits far away on the other side of the couch, and that she needs that too sometimes.

It seems like she is continuing to downplay the role of OM in her life. I get the feeling like he is pulling back from her as he see's the reality of her spending addiction, the reality of having two kids in the life, the un-fun side of having a house in the burbs vs a hotel room downtown.

She also confided that she hasn't talked to her parents in months, or her sisters. She just isolated herself.

At the end, we went over some co-parenting issues with D16. Which was weird, because that was the best co-parenting we have ever done, and it took separating for 6 months and going down the road of divorce to get there. We didn't fight about it, there was no conflict. Only support. I was kind of floored.

At the end, she didn't want to bring up the support discussion. But effectively she got her self into a pretty tight bind the month before. She's been having to ask friends for money to cover her bills. But she is getting behind. This is the same pattern that she exhibited before we got married.

I know it is rescuing, but for the time being I'm going to help her out. I can't have the kids affected. I'm not sure if it's the best choice, but it feels like the right one.

I ended the meeting after that, and we walked back to our cars (hers was parked right behind mine). We had a short chat and parted ways.

Later that evening she sent me an email thanking me for taking the time out that evening, and for helping her out and that she appreciated it.

So that's that on the contact update. I've been basically putting down roots and going out here in town. I'm not being blatant about my making new friends and going out, but it's not a huge secret. We'll see how she handles it.

On the IC side -
I got a new IC that is very solutions based. We have gone over the Kapman drama triangle as well as the communication wheel. She is very good so far, and I'm very happy with the progress. Some things that I have felt some guilt about she has helped me work past, and more importantly is providing me with the tools for my new life. So, doing good.

What other GAL activities have I been doing -
Went out for drinks and dancing with friends saturday - it was a blast
I've been meeting new friends (i'm new to this town, and the people I know don't live downtown). Getting the scoop on cool little bars and coffee shops. I even am going swing dancing when I get back from a work trip!

I've been nesting in my house. The kitchen is mostly unpacked, and I'm getting bedroom furniture for me and S9 delivered today. (I let the WAW take all the furniture) .. though living on bean bags and air mattress's has sucked.

I started in a new yoga studio that is right down the street from me, and totally over did it the first day and pulled my back.

I demonstrated good self care and found a local chiropractor that is walking distance, my back is almost back to normal now

One of my neighbors recommend this awesome tea trailer (in the town I live in there are lots of restaurants that are basically food trucks) this morning owned by a person named CJ that blends her own teas. I walked there this morning, and then spent an hour or so walking around the neighborhood, which is amazing.

I bought my first two pieces of art for my home. Both are affirmations. The one that is hung right now is for me and S9 - it say "Home, love resides here. May it be blessed with friends and laughter. Memories are made here, where we are safe - And our story began. There's no place like home.

So, I'm doing my best to get settled. To get grounded. To remove moving (one of the top stressors in life) from my stressors. To make home a safe place, and to make some new friends who are not wrapped up in (or aware of) this crazy divorce process.


Me: 35
Her: 33
D : 16
S : 9
Together: 14 years
Married: 12
She left 4/14/2014
Separated: 5/25/2014
OM Confirmed 7/2014
She filed 8/7/2014
I Filed 10/21/2014
Divorce final 2/12/2015
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 63
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Sounds like you are in a good place (outside of the obvious), happy to hear that. I agree you need to look out for the kids, hopefully it all works out


Me 34
W 30
T 13
M 8
BD 7/27/14
EA Confirmed 8/6/14
S 8/2/14
D Imminent

I quote the immortal words of Socrates who said "...I drank what?"
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