It's the only thing that makes me a better person. I'm also keeping the house clean and learning to cook, but I don't think those things equate to being a better person.
M 16 T 17 W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14 ILYBNIL 5/14 A discovered 6/14 D papers served via USPS 8/14 Filed my response 9/14 D final 5/15...
I still cannot wrap my head around this LRT strategy in my situation. There has been no contact between my wife and I for three months now. I see all these other threads with wives who are cake-eating. Mine never tried any of that. She just up and left one day out of the blue. Until I discovered the affair she was telling me she loved me but was not in love with me. She said she still felt like I was family and that she could talk to me about almost anything. After I discovered the affair, she quickly became very distant. 99.99999% she's done, right? She left, never waffled and then filed for divorce. There was never any indication that she was having second thoughts except for the fact that until I spilled the beans she was telling her parents (in another country) and friends that everything was fine. She's already checked out, and she's moving full steam ahead towards divorce. How can LRT be the right strategy? Don't get me wrong. Every expert I have talked to says that I shouldn't pursue, but I just can't understand how that can possibly work.
M 16 T 17 W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14 ILYBNIL 5/14 A discovered 6/14 D papers served via USPS 8/14 Filed my response 9/14 D final 5/15...
Every expert I have talked to says that I shouldn't pursue, but I just can't understand how that can possibly work
B/c it is the nature of most LBH'S to pursue a W who has made it plain she no longer wants him! Now tell me why you want to chase after someone who treats you that way? Would you try to convince her you can work it out? Would you apply emotional pressure, guilt, or shame? Would you make promises, bargin, plead, etc.?
None of that works on a wayward W. You cannot talk her out of this. Talk does not work during this time of the stitch.
Has her AP joined her in their new life together? There are people who have A's that actually get M. Not many last, but they try it anyway.
If she were to come back, wouldn't you want it to be without any pressure? Wouldn't you want it for no other reason except that she loves you?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks for the reply, Sandi. No, I have no intention of pleading. I was just thinking about sharing a photo of the dog and letting her know I still want to work things out. Not pursuing, just reminding her of my position matter of factly.
M 16 T 17 W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14 ILYBNIL 5/14 A discovered 6/14 D papers served via USPS 8/14 Filed my response 9/14 D final 5/15...
Sharing a photo of the dog might be a nice thing to do - especially if your W is missing the dog etc.
However, I think saying you still want to 'work things out' is a big LRT no-no. Your W has made her initial decision to leave and live with her AP. She now needs to face the reality of losing your R completely. She's not going to feel that reality if you are telling her you still want to work things out.
Instead of her seeing you as moving forwards with your life, she will see you as waiting for her...
If you're in any doubt have another look at DR. However, might forthcoming mediation present some opportunities for you to DB?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Has she asked about the dog or to have a photo? If not, then you are using the dog for emotional leverage. It is a form of pursuit. You want to touch her emotions she has for the dog, in hopes it will trigger a response.
Look, there is no need to assure her you still want to work on the M. Don't you think she knows it?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She was very appreciative last time I sent a photo of the dog. We haven't communicated, so she hasn't asked, but I'm pretty sure she'd like another picture.
I'm not sure she knows I want to work things out since I went dark after she filed. Does she really need to feel like she's losing me? I mean while she's in the affair she doesn't care if she loses me, right?
M 16 T 17 W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14 ILYBNIL 5/14 A discovered 6/14 D papers served via USPS 8/14 Filed my response 9/14 D final 5/15...
