I feel like that all the time. Its a roller coaster. One minute I have hope and just feel relieved that things are calm. The next minute I want to move on and KNOW that I deserve better. I think what you are feeling is natural. It's a hard situation and an emotional roller coaster. I think we all know what we want deep down inside. Sometimes it takes some digging to find out what it is......
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
Pic just had a text based screaming match with WAW and it's like I'm talking to a wall. It's difficult when you're trying to understand another person but it seems like the person would rather accuse and scold you than try to talk with you about a problem.
I'm looking for feedback about the end of this arguement. Background, she's overwhelmed about all of the things we've been up to with ss20. Picking s14 from football is too much for her. She didn't say that to me though, she said it's a PIA because of the rain, tells me about her groceries, a doctors appointment...everything except what's actually bothering her. After much fighting (because it took me a while to finally understand the real root problem) I told her that it would be better if she'd tell me that instead of everything else. It's easier for me to help that way.
Her answer "you should have known that. I shouldn't have to tell you". My reply "you'll always have to tell me. I'm not a mind reader. I'm not expecting it from you and you can't expect it from me".
I'm not sure if I did the right thing. Her comment seems so childish I don't even know if it was worth replying. Did I explain it right? Would you have said it that way? It just seems that it's an unreasonable expectation and that we need to communicate, not assume the other side understands.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
Yo said that much better than I did. I simply said "if it's too much for you, don't worry I'm used to it I can do it myself" which got her more angry because d9 would have to come with me and she needs to get to bed earlier than that.
In the end she asked me to ask a parent for help getting him a lift home.
I said it's an idea I'll try to get help with. Maybe I didn't validate enough before trying solutions. Thanks. This isn't easy.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
Journaling. Things haven't changed much at all. She continues to be interested in anything but family life. She's not used to hearing me argue with her and she's not taking it very well lol!
I think because of the dynamic of my listening, validating (as best I can) she kind of got used to me taking her crap comments with ease and discussing the issues. Now, I kind of lost my patience. The snippy comments with demands in caps lock and swearing aren't tolerated anymore. The last time she decided to hang up on me instead of listening when I had something to say resulted in a text message telling her I'm willing to talk and help but I'll be treated with respect or it won't happen (all of a sudden she's claiming her phone cuts the line).
I'm detaching. I still think about her a lot but I'm emotionally detaching. It's for the best, whatever the result.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
Yesterday was a rough day. Last year yesterday was the day she signed that lease and moved out. I knew that day was coming. I felt it coming and felt like throwing it in her face all week but instead I kept it to myself.
Guess what? She didn't say anything either. I don't even think she knows. All she did was send me a random text message about how her retirement savings plan at her new job wasn't the same and asked how she needs to handle that. I was like really? That's it? Nothing else to say?
I guess it's good I didn't say anything seeing as it want much to her either.
She told me last week her shrink wants her to go on short term disability because she's on the edge of a burnout. Says she can't sleep without Meds even though she's exhausted. Says she can't handle stress or problems right now. I responded that if she needed help I was available but she went radio silent.
I am perplexed. Why approach me to tell me you miss and love me and then run away. Sheesh!
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
"All she did was send me a random text message about how her retirement savings plan at her new job wasn't the same and asked how she needs to handle that. I was like really? That's it? Nothing else to say?"
What did you expect her to say? It doesn't seem like a big deal, yet YOU are the one who puts importance with it.
"I am perplexed. Why approach me to tell me you miss and love me and then run away. Sheesh!"
This shows that you haven't learned how to be compassionate towards her. She wanted you to just listen and be understanding. She doesn't want you to solve the problem for her. Women are like that. If you don't learn that, you won't save your M.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I have no idea what to expect. It had been stressing me out for a while, I was just surprised she had nothing to say about that but would have questions about a very mundane subject.
It's just crazy how much i stress more about this than her. And how it all changed so quickly. I had detached, I was doing my own thing and life was finally beginning to feel normal again when she approached me to "talk" and tell me she still loves me and explained *explicitly* that she can't see herself living away from me on a long term basis. And now we're back to transactional conversations.
I guess I'm mostly stressed seeing as she went back to her shell just as I really needed someone. Stepson's episodes were really stressful.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
