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Interesting conversation for sure. Thanks for sharing everyone. I do appreciate it. Sounds like some had no official BD and others and * the speech.* Wonka, birthday BD? Oh wow. It's nice to hear from the other side. Mine was 5 days after my BD, 10 days before Xmas (happy holidays!!!:) while folding laundry. I even remember what I was wearing and xh's mom was reading with the kids. Yeesh.

I realize I have this pervasive feeling. H got there this am and said he had to text someone to let him know he was there. Internally, I chuckled. However, this is what I am struggling with. I'm embarrassed I shared stuff with him....thoughts, feelings, ideas, prior to BD and he shared those with others. I feel weirdly, violated? Again, nothing to do with OW. It's him. Gotta work through those. Anyone else struggle with that? I'm not sure if I'm articulating it correctly?

Last edited by Georgiabelle; 09/16/14 01:39 PM.


3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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GB,

The sharing of info.... Oh, yes. It's funny you mentioned it now. I was thinking about the things H told his coworkers about me.

I'm sure he has shared private things to ow I would be appalled to know. I don't really care, though. In my sitch, he isn't "in love". Seem to be all PA. I trusted him so completely. Now I wonder how I could have ever.

His kids and family told me some of what he has said, but they have bigger drama in other areas of the family, believe it or not...lol. They tend to stay out of our business. They did say they didn't believe his was the whole story. They will always stand behind him as family, but they don't agree with his choices.

There is so much that feels as close to being "raped" as I can imagine. The most sacred things are treated as meaningless fodder.

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The sharing of information with OP drives me nuts. I went through a spell where W and I would be having talks about the kids, how to split things up, arranging schedules etc. She would dissapear for a walk, or to her room and come back later and want to change things. Through gathering intel, i saw that she was calling or texting OM. I immediately switched tactics and we started putting things down in a journal, in writing, in her handwriting. Just this weekend she wanted to change something we agreed on and I pulled out the journal and showed her we had agreed on it. The good news is that she is now burdening him with her issues. He will tire of that quickly.


M42 W40
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M15
S13 S11
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A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
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Mine is not OW. She isn't anything to be envious of IMHO. Mine is just sharing with him. It used to bother me that he shared with the people he started working with and then I realized "Who cares? I don't know them and they've never met me." No. Mine is that we were discussing stuff and lurking underneath he was thinking that he wanted to leave. I will work through this speed bump.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Ahh, I misread, my apologies. Yep. I think know what you mean now. I think it compares to us going to counseling under the ruse that we were working through problems, and he already had his escape route of ow in the wings.

The part that keeps me stuck sometimes is, besides the fact that he did such a schmucky thing, he told me he loved me everyday, and all kinds of permanent marriage type words and talks.... I'm mad for believing him. That I didn't see it coming sooner. And I don't trust my own instincts now.

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Oh yes. I totally I relate. I got the " I love you" several times a day and the "I miss you and I'm ready for you to be home." You nailed it, Shining. I knew something was amiss, although I wonder why I didn't see more. I thought it was stress and change of a new job/schedule. Why were my instincts off? Admittedly, I hate that feeling. Gah!!!!



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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For me, I saw what I wanted to see.
I had a vision of my life, and whatever didn't fit that vision, was invisible.
I forgot there are no guarantees, but I thought I had one.
I loved being in love, and I put most of my personal value there.
I thought we were on the same page, and would work through anything we had to.
I thought I could change and fix things, and that I could fix him.

These are a few examples of perceptions I can probably alter. I can't alter his, as it turns out.... smirk

Our instincts being off....that's one of the traps I set for myself so I can criticize me more. I have to be careful there.

Whether or not this relates to you, I'm throwing it out there in case it helps. I'm not in a place to give advice, lol..... But I can share my mess.

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Shining,

I totally get it. For me, I had LITERALLY never thought D was an option. I don't know if I saw just what I wanted although I thought I was Wonder Woman! I was trying to do everything, survive, keeping everything going all while building a monumental size wall of resentment. I, too, struggle with taking the blame for everything. Even when I feel betrayed by my *instincts*, the reality is if I suspects something I'm not sure I would have known what to do with those feelings.

In reality, I don't know if I didn't want to see-I just never bothered to look up and kept chanting "keep going". Maybe I was afraid of what I would really see.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Wow Georgia,
You sound just like me! I too literally NEVER saw D in my future. I married someone who told me for 20 years she felt the same. She had gone thru such a bad D in her childhood and had sworn to never do the same. d was for "cowards" according to her. Lazy people who want to blame others for their own problems. Of course, she refuses to remember saying any of that or other times that she "changed her mind" one of her favorite sayings. She says it like I would be crazy to not understand that she can't help that she changed her mind (even said to me "I can't help that I changed my mind. It just happened!").

I see now that I put up with so much, made my life so much harder because of the way I saw this. My W knew that no matter what she said or did that I would always be there, trying to make our M work. She stopped trying (I remember one time years ago when she said "In any M, there is always one person who is more in love than the other" meaning she didn't have to try, all she had to do was wait until she was the one "more in love" like it would just happen without her trying!).

I too think I just didn't want to see the "truth" until it was too late. I just kept going thinking I had the power to "keep going" and as long as I was moving, kept going, all would end up well. Well, that wasn't the case! When I was forced to stop and saw reality, I really didn't like what I saw!

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I have a question for anyone with MLC knowledge. I ran into an acquaintance and she mentioned that xh was being overtly immature. I didn't say anything (I don't really have anything to say to that here on the high road). She made the comment that he says he tries *adulting* from time to time. I know they *try on * personas, however do they realize they look immature? Or is it that they just don't give a fig? Just curious.

Last edited by Georgiabelle; 09/17/14 03:05 PM.


3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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