Depressed WAW, digging in, learning about myself

[Card29]

This is now actually my third thread. The second one was very brief. I should have put depression in the title, because I think this is going to be a central narrative of our next few weeks/months. She is in serious pain and is not opening up to me about anything. She is on a couple of meds and has seen a C at least twice, but I have no idea what they have discussed. She told me that the last session (that I know of, about 3 weeks ago) was "rough".

Has anyone ever heard of Depression Fallout by Anne Sheffield? Looks like there are a few books and an online community, all for the spouse/loved ones of someone suffering from depression.

First thread

2nd (brief) thread

[Card29]

Not really sure why, but I came crashing down this afternoon. Damn this roller coaster. I'm not going to sulk tonight, though. I don't have D2, so I'm going to the gym, cleaning up, then going to salsa lessons for the first time.

[Card29]

Salsa lessons were the most fun I've had since BD. THAT is definitely happening again

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Good week so far. Yesterday while chatting on IM with WAW at work, she brought up a very fond memory of ours from our early years, just a fun little thing we used to do together. Trying not to mind-read.

[pilot]

hang in there card. it is rough, and it will be a long journey, but stay focused on doing the right things, and putting your best self out there for her to see, and you give yourself the best chance at being a better person. with any luck you W realizes it as well, and comes back...

[Card29]

No movement. Went to church together again. Gave D2 a bath at her apt Saturday night. She has been a little more warm towards me lately. She told me she was sick again Friday night. I asked her if anything was going on, that she seemed really out of it the last few weeks. She brought up something that I had not really considered might be affecting her: We had a miscarriage in January. It's due date was a few days ago. I hadn't really thought about that related to this whole mess, but I'm now wondering how big of a factor that has played with her psyche. We were solid and happy at the turn of the year - "the best place we've ever been" (her words). Then we had that miscarriage, she started business school, and we basically didn't see each other for 5 months until the BD. I'm trying to 180 and GAL as much as I can so that when she gets out of her fog, hopefully she will look back at me and see someone she wants to fight for a M with.

Overall, I'm still happy with my state of mind. Still in love with her and willing to do whatever it takes for our M, but not obsessing about her and not really dreading her making this permanent.

[Card29]

Okay I need some ledge-talking. During some casual texting tonight, she mentions that she met a therapist at a party last week and they talked for a while today. I said, "That's great. How is your counseling going?" She is confused, then informs me that "we actually connected because he was interested in me". So I ask "Um what?" and then she doesn't text for a while. She then says she is "out of practice" and didn't pick up on the fact that he was interested in her at the party (even though she said they talked all night). He called her today (not sure how he got her number) and they talked for a while. Her full explanation was:

So I met him last week. Very cool guy. He talked to me all night but I guess I'm out of practice and bad on picking up on clues. Nothing happened, I left. But apparently he's interested. We talked today and cleared the air and good as friends. He's good with that too."

We then had a brief conversation about how to pick up clues. I was able to give her a compliment about how great she looks within the flow of the conversation. I made a joke about getting his number (since I called a possible EA OM in June), and she didn't seem to be in the mood to laugh at it. It kind of deteriorated to where she maybe thought I was prying, so I quickly ended the conversation, reminding her of a football game that's on TV and to have a good night. But this is now consuming me. I thought I was fairly detached. I went to salsa again tonight. Was fairly happy leaving. Then this, and now I'm completely sick again.

The other comment that has been sick, though is that she said, "I'm just surprised. I thought I'd get a lower class of hit on." I know I'm mind reading, but wtf? Like someone uglier? Is she now going to be more open to the possibility of someone else? I'm also guessing she won't tell me about something like this again since I had a mild freakout in the text, as much as I tried to play it cool.

I actually thought I had detached so much that I was maybe falling out of love with her. Nope! I want to tell her how beautiful she is, to kiss her, to curl up on the couch with her again, worse than ever. Damn, so much re-detaching to do now...I guess I should expect setbacks.

Is it at least a good sign that she told me about that.

[MrBond]

Maybe I'm confused. You WANT her to go out with someone else?

"We then had a brief conversation about how to pick up clues"

So you were encouraging her to date other guys with coaching?

"Is she now going to be more open to the possibility of someone else?"

Why not? Isn't that what you just encouraged her to do?

[Card29]

Sorry, the conversation on how to pick up on clues was for her to know when someone is hitting on her so she doesn't unknowingly lead them on again, or so she can shut the door sooner. At least that's what I hope happens. I told her that if a guy, especially a new guy, is talking to you remotely exclusively at a social gathering, he's probably into you.

Trust me, there is no ambiguity from her perspective about how I feel about other guys. lol

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Any calming advice out there? I couldn't sleep last night.