What a horrible roller-coaster, hellish year this has been trying to save my marriage & my sanity. She started out hostile & not wanting to really do much with me, to spending Valentine's day at home & being intimate to going on 8-day vacations & multiple weekend get-aways. But I could never get her to talk about the marriage. Between these always positive encounters, she would go dark, and I'd be left wondering what the hell was going on. If I didn't reach-out to her, I wouldn't hear from her. Finally in July, after inviting her to a work dinner then spending the night at her apartment. I didn't hear from her for almost 3 days, and when I called, she said she was at a party, and we could talk and do something tomorrow.
That was the last straw.
I texted her saying this wasn't working for me & that if she could not 'step-up', then I was going to start seeing other people.
I didn't hear for her for almost 2 months.
Last week I got an email asking if I was willing to work towards an amicable separation.
I called her & we spoke for almost an hour. Same old talking point on her end. She thought I wanted to see other people so she left me alone. I explained that was not my intention, and we agreed to talk more & meet on the weekend. Friday I called her & we met for dinner. Had a great time & I bought her something she had wanted for some time. She spoke about suggestions her step-father gave her for making positive changes in our marriage, and I wholly agreed. I told her I loved her & kissed her & we agreed to so something before the weekend was over.
Saturday she said she was sick, so I didn't see her.
Sunday I didn't hear from her, then when I called she said she was tired & was just going to stay home.
I was totally frustrated & told her I wasn't going to do this again. She said instead of arguing, we should just get a divorce. She said I really didn't care about her since I bought a new car & never asked her if she had enough money for food. She said that I pressured her on Friday. I said I wanted her to tell me that she wanted a divorce, and she did just that. It was the first time she had said that. I hung up the phone & that was that.
I sent her an email today telling her I was crushed and confused over her up & down behavior this last year but if she truly wants a divorce, then she needs to file.
Last night was the first time I cried since she left. I guess because I always felt there was hope based upon her behavior.
This really [censored].
Me: 46 Ex: 38 Married: 10 Together: 12 No Children Separated (again): 09/06/13 Divorced: 02/27/15
None of what you did sounds like DB to me. Did you read Michele's book(s)?
Your W gave up on the marriage and then you did. The circle is now complete.
What are you looking for here? I don't see a question or request for any advice.
X2 .... reading this screams to me you did all the wrong things, Pursued, Chased, bought her things, no GAL, LRT or 180's ... you pressured her, and the big one was dated other people .. how does this show you want a M>??
I don't know why your W would want to go back to an offensive person such as yourself. I mean, how much have you actually changed? That was a pretty rude post you made concerning LGBT's.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I must be blind, I don't see a mention of gay people.
I'm also unfamiliar with the situation but it does sound like you gave up hope. A year is tough, just reached mine myself. It's a tough milestone.
The email probably was a bad idea. If she wants to file, let her file. Don't contact her unless you're ready to do something yourself. It's tough, really tough but it's part of the process.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
"I must be blind, I don't see a mention of gay people. "
This was in reference to a post djhartm had left for a same-sex poster. It was so offensive that the moderator deleted it and put him on moderation.
One thing that his comment showed was an intolerance of the views of others. Which is the backbone of any M.
Whether you agree with the way someone lives or not, you don't start slinging derogatory terms like d*ke at them.
Plus because he never offered an apology for using such offensive language (not an apology for how he feels because he is entitled to his opinion), it shows an inflexibility that would turn off any WAS.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
